“I create art. It’s kinda abstract.” – A$AP Ferg
IT’S NOT JEREMIH IT’S NOT JEREMIH. It’s also not Big Sean, Ariana Grande, or any other of the yik yak rumors. The Spring Fling Committee has just sent out their official announcement video hoooo boy. The video this year is misleading, having our tanned philosopher-in-chief looking like he’s about to talk about some Wes history. Here’s the vid:
After last year’s Spring Fling, chock full with sweatshirts in May, tunes from middle school, and the second-dopest hypeman to ever grace Middletown (the dopest being Drake), we have been redeemed. I was already so excited that I sent this snapchat to wesbodies: 
The lineup is as follows:
ACT1: LEAF
Spring Fling Committee writes about Leaf:
At 19 years old, Leaf personifies the modern young multi-hyphenate: writing and producing her own music, directing and editing her own videos, and even designing her own merchandise and apparel. Yet what sets Leaf apart from her DIY counterparts is her undeniable charisma, matched with a seductive artistic vision and a brash message of empowerment. Fresh off a sold-out tour with Alessia Cara, this Fool’s Gold Record signee has traveled the country to play events like the Fool’s Gold’s Day Off series and SXSW and has been spotted working in Los Angeles lately—though she hails from New York City. This singer/songstress produces a sound that is an eclectic mix of R&B, rap and alternative music, and we are excited for her to bring that energy to Wesleyan…leave the ‘Drama’ at home and get ‘Lost’ with us.
Leaf wants to know if you think you’re slick:
ACT2: BØRNS
I guess because we were on the internet a lot (and maybe because we gave the BØRNS management team some veritaserum) we called this shit. Anyway here’s who this person is according to SFC:
Garrett Borns, a Michigan native who spent time in New York before landing in his new home of Los Angeles, is a preternatural talent. He understands instinctively how to connect the intricacies of a melody to the sensual receptors in the human ear, and how to conjure up a song from its building blocks to reach the heavens. Working with producers Tommy English and Kennedy in 2014, BØRNS released the Candy EP, a shot of sunny, sweet and sweeping adrenaline to the pop music landscape that put “10,000 Emerald Pools” and “Electric Love” on playlists across the world. In early 2015, BØRNS reunited with English and began work on an album, writing and recording in between the steadily growing live shows, and with the stage in mind. Enamored of and inspired by his new home on the west coast, BØRNS injected much of that sunshine vibe into the new music that would become his debut album Dopamine. This year, we are very excited to welcome BØRNS to Wesleyan to give us a healthy dose of dopamine!
Not Electric Feel, ELECTRIC LOVE:
ACT3: A$AP Ferg
Holy shit. I don’t think I have to say that this is soooo much better than Jeremih. While I will be returning to a trash can full of jungle juice this year, it won’t be to kill all the memories from middle school that Birthday Sex conjured. A$AP Ferg is the best choice since, well, Kendrick and Chance. If you somehow have never wanted to be Shabba Ranks, or have just been living under a rock, SFC has you covered:
Being a member of the A$AP Mob and bestfriend oof rap superstar A$AP Rocky may come with a heavy set of expectations, but this Harlem native has never let that define him. Whether it be launching clothing and jewelry lines or attending art schools, Ferg has constantly weaved past expectations and, as a rapper, unpredictability remains the only calling card for the self-proclaimed Trap Lord. For his sophomore album, Always Strive and Prosper, Ferg has recruited some of the most exciting names in music—from “throwback” artists like Missy Elliott & Fatman Scoop to modern rap staples like Chris Brown, Future, and Big Sean to renowned producers like Clams Casino, DJ Mustard, and Drake’s in-house producer ‘40’. After finding inspiration through the tragic death of his partner and best friend, Yams, and with such a diverse array of collaborators, it is needless to say that A$AP Ferg’s sound is on a completely new level!
As Spring Fling approaches, drink, drink, and get lit. But just try to have some rhythm; I have none, and this tweet hit haaaaaaard:
people at wes think dancing is just jumping around and I don’t have the heart to tell them it’s not :(
— michael (@mchaelortz) April 8, 2016
A$AP deserves more than jumping around. So on May 5th, do better.
These performers all sound like dying elephants…
Why?
this is why
Is this why?