UPDATED: Nor’easter Niko: Not Notorious Enough to Nix Classes?

winter

[UPDATED: 2/9/17, 11:04AM by wilk and 1:46PM by Maya]

More things you need to know about the storm today:

  • The RIDE’s shuttle service is cancelled tonight. If you really have to go somewhere, call PSafe at 860-685-2345.
  • President Roth is in Miami, but he will be back to sled on Foss soon
  • We are now expected to get anywhere from 14-18 inches, despite initial reports of 8-12.
  • No igloos yet, but we expect WestCo/Bennet to pull through like last year
  • SALD, the Career Center, the WSA Office, Broad Street Books, Red & Black, Star & Crescent, Late Night, the Zilkha Gallery, the package window, and the mail room are all closed
  • The libraries are open
  • Weswings is open from 11AM to 8PM (through the afternoon)
  • Summies open only during lunch; closed for dinner
  • Usdan Cafe, Pi Cafe, and Weshop all closing at 4PM
  • Usdan dinner is 4:30-6:30PM
  • There was ‘thundersnow’ in Orange, CT and Hartford, CT
  • UConn, Quinnipiac, Southern Connecticut State University, Eastern Connecticut State UniversityConn College, and Middletown Public Schools are all closed today but Wesleyan remains open!!! #THISISWHY
  • We$ Hookupz 2020 has changed its name to SNOW Hookupz SNOWYSNOWY and updated its cover photo
  • The “shelter in place” drill is cancelled and will be rescheduled to a later date
  • This important Argus article from 2015 has been circulating on Facebook reminding students that it is especially difficult for students with disabilities when Wesleyan decides to go about business as usual during snowstorms
  • Email staff[at]wesleying[dot]org with tips on the snowstorm, pictures of your snowventures, videos of you skiing/snowboarding on Foss, and the locations of your igloos

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Hello, dear reader. Are you currently procrastinating your readings, just like I am,  in the hopes that tomorrow’s lovely fall of Special Snowflakes will cause classes to be cancelled? Because this post is as far from credible meteorology as it gets. You have found the right place.

So, after checking the super accurate weather app on my phone, my ~intellectual conclusion~ is that the snow will start at approximately 4 AM.

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According to some other credible sources, there are some fancy words like “low pressure systems” and “evening commutes” in the reports of Winter Storm Niko. Here’s what you need to know about the storm:

  • Possibly 8 inches of snow
  • There will be wind (ahh! weather thingies!)
  • Wesleyan still has not canceled classes ,nor will they

I mean, that’s all that matters. Snow is coming. Bundle up and please don’t take *artistic* photos in your underwear while it’s blizzarding.

For those who are here for quality content, I made a list of dorm-specific wintertime transportation methods so ya’ll can get to class on time. You’re welcome.

In the order in which I remember which dorm buildings exist on campus:

  • Bennet
    • Use the glass windows above the lounge as sleds.
  • WestCo
    • Create a zipline by “caring for the common good” & using all the string lights that exist in the building. Chances are half of them are against the fire code anyways.
    • Your gluten-free, fiber rich, and vegan granola bars *probably* serve as a great shovel if need be.
  • Butts C
    • Make skiis out of the Eco-to-Go containers. Use the taco bowl shell as a shovel.
  • Butts B & A
    • You’re slightly irrelevant anyways. Take the chains from the entrance to the tunnels and use it as a grappling hook.
  • Clark
    • You guys are close to Olin aka I have minimal sympathy for you.
  • Fauver
    • Ya’ll are adults, right? Snow boots. That’s an adult thing you should own. If you don’t (seriously…you’ve endured three winters how are you not prepared) use your stolen paper towel rolls and create a tp’ed path to your building of choice.
  • Hewitt & Nics
    • Use the windows from the dungeon basement and capitalize off of WestCo’s zipline.
      • This means that WestCo would be using the windows as sleds.
        • Wear appropriate clothing so you pull off the ~WestCo aesthetic~
          • Just reek of weed
            • Wait, that’s this entire campus.
              • You’re on your own.
  • Hi Rise
    • Turn your terrifyingly shitty elevator sideways so that it moves horizontally and creak your way to class
  • Lo Rise
    • This is when you wish you had a larger bedroom.
  • Senior Village
    • You guys deserve the day off.
      • But if you’re writing your thesis……………how much do you love yourself anyways? Chances are not much. So walk to class.

Fin. This is the end. I need to sleep. Happy snow, guys.