Procrastination Destination: Hot Knives Melting Things and Collaborative Internet Humor

This is it, folks, the last procrastination destination I will write for Wesleying. (Assuming, that is, that I keep my own procrastination in check enough to graduate…) Today’s procrastination destination is exemplary: completely useless, shockingly time-consuming, destructive, self-deprecating, and at times, oddly sweet. It’s also a truly collaborative effort: someone made a half hour compilation video of themself cutting various objects with a very hot knife, someone else captioned said video, someone else watched and then sent it to me, I watched the entire thing during finals last December, took screen shots of much of it and wrote this ridiculous post, and you, dear reader, are wasting time on the fruits of all of our labor. Read after the jump for many screenshots and a link to the original video.

The video is pretty self-explanatory: a knife is heated up, then is used to cut a variety of random objects, making fun noises and often melting things in the process. Through YouTube’s captioning feature, user No Why added captions to the video, which range from simple descriptions of the sound to additional commentary.

Some of the captioning is sweet:

Nothing like multiple layers of procrastination as a romantic gesture.

Some of the objects get more interesting commentary, like this tomato:

Sometimes it’s sad:

Or very silly:

Like all good procrastination, the captioning eventually gets tiring and prompts some self-deprecating reflection:

Then things get even darker:

Our captioner is defeated.

But then some really cool melting aluminum foil revives their (and our?) interest:

The video ends with one of those stretchy toy spiders getting cut in half, and then a marshmallow “roasting inside out.”

And as much of a waste of time as this was, you probably didn’t spend as much time as the captioner.