Things I Ate: Summies Salmon Burger

I was undoubtedly excited when I walked into Summies for the first time in my life.  It was a world of options, each one better than the next. But for me there was one that stuck out above all else: the Salmon Burger.

I personally love a good filet of salmon; the way each bite melts in your mouth, the superior flavor of this magical fish, and the feeling you get when this maritime candy leaves the fork and falls onto your tongue is coupled with little else in the world.

This might explain why the salmon burger looked so appealing. What could be better than mixing Poseidon’s wet dream with the gastronomic embodiment of the American dream?  My mouth watered as I handed my WesCard to the cashier.

“Meals please.”  My last words before I thought my world would be changed forever.

 

The wait was long, but this was to be expected, I was told.  I could justify the wait, though. I had never before in my life been so ready to eat salmon. The corn and poblano pepper embedded in the patty only added to the excitement.

I felt like a young child at a sardine shop; the world was my oyster. But in case my fish fantasy wasn’t already fully fulfilling, the promise of pickled tomatillos and chili lime dressed baby kale inside my burger were sure to carry me over.

It came suddenly. I heard my number. 71. It was as if time itself had frozen and the lights had blown.  It was just me, my receipt, and the burger.  I walked to the counter ready for what I expected to be an out-of-body experience. The plate was in my hands. A burger. Fries. Me. In that moment nothing else mattered.

I paired a clear glass of premium water with my meal.  Nothing quite like nature’s solvent to go with the pescatarian’s pink pastry.

The moment had come. I let my teeth sink in to the bun, the kale, the pickled tomatillos, and finally the patty.  Now’s the part where you can blame me for overhyping the burger. There was only one word that could describe the feeling I had after my first bite: disappointment.

Disappointment.

Dear Salmon Burger,

You had potential. You had the ingredients. You had the name. You had the hype.  But what were you? You were dry. You were dense. You made my mouth feel withered and alone. Not even water could make it better. I hope someday I can muster the courage to try you again, but you are yourself and I don’t know if that’ll ever change.

You had good moments. I liked your buns.

But where I needed you most you let me down, and I’m talking patty.  You seemed confused at times. Your flavors didn’t match. Something too sour on something good gone wrong. Maybe someday I’ll try you again, but it’s going to take time for me to get there.

Sincerely,

Your loving reviewer

________

Final review: 4 funky fish/10 funky fish

 

  • J.R.

    whats up did you have sex with the burger or what

    • Fern

      👀

  • wilk

    this post is my favorite