Cuffing SZN

in case you were worried, we’re in prime cuffing szn location

c/o Huffington Post

Single during Cuffing Szn? Here are 10 tried-and-true tips to get you through the winter.

Cuffing season can be rough. The temperature’s dropping, days are getting shorter, your bank account balance is draining, and on top of it all, the people around you have the audacity to start entering relationships. As we begin the season of “thankful” Instagram posts and Christmas cuddles you might not be getting, consider these tips to help hold you over ‘til you’re your best warm-weather-you again. 30% of the time, they work 100% of the time.

  1.     Bite into a raw onion.

To curb your enthusiasm.

  1.     Tell your mom about your crush.

This is a good idea. You’ll be glad you did this. She will ask about this person every time you talk for the rest of your college career, which is definitely what you want.

  1.     Watch To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before.

Yell at your screen about how the sisters look nothing alike. Chuckle every time you hear, “woah woah woah woah.” But most importantly, live vicariously through that hot tub scene.

  1.     Then read Noah Centineo’s tweets.

At once, your thirst levels will experience their highest highs and their lowest lows. Seeing Peter Kavinsky write out words that could’ve been taken from your middle school Facebook status will quell any and all feeling you got from watching that dream of a movie. “Just because we’ve learned to count to 4 does not mean we can understand infinity,” he tweeted on September 1. Somebody get that for me on a Forever 21 graphic tee.

  1.      Get cute for Usdan lunch.

Even better: make it a Veg-out Tuesday. This time slot is prime real estate for looking most cute in front of the most amount of people.

  1.     Give your crush some dimension.

Picture your whole life together! Wow. That person from sociology you’ve never spoken to before would be such a good listener. I know soulmates like totally aren’t a thing, but like what if they were! And what if this person is yours! Don’t talk to them though. That’s way too forward for a potential soulmate. Best to be left in perpetual limbo.

  1.     Pass time by counting every Canada Goose jacket you see during cuffing season.

You’ll be so busy counting geese you’ll forget you were ever sexually frustrated! Extra points if you suspect its wearer vacations in Cape Cod.

  1.     Yawn in a room full of people.

Then look around. If you see a response yawn, this person was watching you yawn, and this is basically their mating call. You’re welcome.

  1.     Be strategic about pre-reg.

Definitely not saying that you should find your crush on Moodle then hack into their WesPortal to copy their class rankings and thus ensure you maximum exposure for the entirety of the spring semester, but also not necessarily saying that you shouldn’t.

  1.     Eat a banana. Really slowly.

It’s so sensual.


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