Heartbreak at Red and Black Cafe

 

I don’t just like Red & Black Cafe. I love it. (If I don’t love it, I don’t swallow.) Not only does R&B have smoothies, but it’s the only place on the whole goddamn campus where I can order breakfast before 11:00 a.m.

But R&B has made A Change that causes me unimaginable pain. My head steams like a freshly-pressed Tomato Panino. And my heart feels like a tomato in said panino, suffocating within a prison of bread and delicious melted cheese.

What am I talking about? Take a look at this menu of Sunday specials, particularly the second-to-last entry:

 

What you may not have known is that the so-called “California Omelette” is in fact an omelette formerly known as the “California Dreamin’,” which is obviously a coy yet classy reference to the hit song by The Mamas and the Papas.

 

California Dreamin’ is in the running for one of my top 10 songs of all time. It’s an absolute banger. But California Omelette? If that’s a song, it’s not a very good one. (And definitely not as good as this omelet-ballad masterpiece.)

Yes, I know it’s the same omelet. If nobody else cares, that’s fine. But I’m willing to defend this hill for eternity if it comes to that. So please, Red & Black. Bring back the California Dreamin’.