That’s my fetish.
In pandemic times, we’re all looking for that added sense of excitement. Me? I’ve been getting that rush through my biweekly university-mandated COVID test. Let me show you what you’ve been doing wrong:
Step 1: Sexy Beginnings
Vanilla: Blow nose, then disinfect hands with sanitizer so they’re nice and clean.
BDSM: Blow nose, then lube up hands with sanitizer so they’re nice and slippery.
Step 2: Foreplay
Vanilla: After receiving your vial, make your way across the room to the testing booths. Since there’s nobody there, just ignore the line and step over all the stupid chains.
BDSM: No line-skipping for you. Savor the build-up as you zigzag back and forth through the winding chains. Take slow, methodical steps. Because the longer the wait, the better the…
Look at those chains.
Step 3: Climax
Vanilla: Gently insert the nasal swab into each nostril, making 7-10 circles.
BDSM: Take a deep breath to prepare yourself for what’s about to happen. Then jam the swab as far up your nose as you can, trying to feel even an ounce of sensation in these mind-numbing times. The pleasure ripples through your spine like electricity. You forgot what it was like to feel so human.
Step 4: Cool-down
Vanilla: Lunch at Usdan.
BDSM: Lunch at Summies.