Procrastination Destination: Losing my WesWings Virginity

This is part of our Procrastination Destination series: bringing you deliciously silly articles to help you procrastinate on your finals. Stay tuned for more in the coming days!

Before everyone is educated in Wesleyan slang, people are often caught in the embarrassing moment of referring to their trip to “Weswings.” Very cringe. But the name Weswings reminds visitors of an alleged staple item in the Swings menu–the wings. And yet most of the people I know, myself included, have never actually tasted the wings of swings. So after approximately two point five years of pondering, I dug in. 

To conduct a relatively thorough investigation of the Swings wings, while also conserving points, I decided to try two sets of wings: Buffalo bone-in, and Rochester boneless. For my inaugural Swings wings experience, I also decided to share my wings and eat in the comfort of my own home, just to be safe. It can be very emotionally challenging to conduct a conversation in a public space as you tear in and smear orange sauce all over your face.

Without further ado, here are my quite subjective ratings. To each their own <3

Buffalo Bone-In

Rating: 7.5/10

While these wings weren’t bad, they were definitely playing it safe. The buffalo tanginess was muted, which is partly my fault for ordering medium spice instead of spicy but the medium was quite mild. There was no sharpness in my mouth. The phrase “Wings of Death” in reference to spiciness was initially intimidating to me, but I had no need to fear. Good to keep in mind for the future. The lack of profound sauciness made the eating experience much cleaner, but maybe worse? What is a buffalo wing without the sauce? I love the experience of really tearing apart an actual chicken wing, so that was much appreciated. 

Rochester Boneless

Rating: 6/10

Honestly these were gross. The breading was way too thick, not crispy, and weirdly sweet. Felt like I was eating a baked good with chicken in the center. I liked the spicy sweetness of the sauce. Very honey mustard vibes. I also often find chicken tenders to be overwhelmingly big. Would have been better with a side of fries. 

Final Reflections

These wings weren’t my favorite. But maybe wings are all about their context. Like I only want a couple as an appetizer, but don’t want to commit to wings as my full meal. That’s not Swings’ fault. Figuring out your ideal intensity of wing flavor also inevitably requires some trial and error.

Bone-in wings are a fun sensory experience and soak up the saucy flavor more effectively, but bone-in wings are more filling and can appeal to pickier eaters. The term “boneless wings” is a misnomer imo because they are objectively tenders. But a hot steaming tender is delicious in its own way. This study was also flawed in its lack of non-meat representation. Seitan could also be cool.

Overall, this experience left me school-spirited and hungry ;) for future exploration.

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