Procrastination Destination: How to Fall in the Library

This is part of our Procrastination Destination series: bringing you deliciously silly articles to help you procrastinate on your finals. Stay tuned for more in the coming days!

About two months ago, I perpetually had “write Wesleying article” on my agenda. This command must have wormed its way into my psyche, because one night I had a dream where I was miraculously compelled to write an article on all of the possible ways one could fall down in the libraries on campus. A manual, of sorts. 

I woke up with the unshakeable conviction that this was an article I had to write. So here it is. 

Falling Inspiration for The Chronically Uninspired 

If you have been looking for the antidote to numbness, to the soul-sucking monotony that drags you like a sleepwalker over sticky carpet and really ugly linoleum, look no further. Falling is the perfect way to remind yourself that you’re not just a brain on legs, and best of all: it requires no more than 30 seconds, absolutely no forethought, and minimal cleanup. So loosen up and topple over! 

I encourage you to use some of the falling suggestions we have compiled below, but feel free to get creative as you become a more experienced faller! 

Falling in Olin 

  • The Classic: tripping down the staircase and landing in front of the Special Collections & Archives. 
  • The Hopeless Romantic: falling asleep curled up in one of those little alcoves on the third floor that looks out over Andrus field. You know the ones I’m talking about? All those square windows on the third floor? So anyway, you’re asleep, and you begin to tilt over ever so slowly until BAM! you pitch over and fall down onto the squishy benches (if you’re lucky) or the floor (if you’re not). 
  • The Supernatural: once again, you’re falling asleep curled up in one of those little alcoves on the third floor that looks out over Andrus field. Only this time your cheek is pressed up against the glass, and probably looks really goofy from the other side. But it doesn’t matter because all of a sudden the glass DISAPPEARS (à la Harry Potter at the zoo) and you tip out of the window, plummeting to your death. But YOU DON’T DIE because Eleven spots you from all the way over in the Daniel Family Commons, freezes you in midair, and zooms you back up through the window onto the third floor. 
  • The Disruptor: pretty similar to The Classic but on the staircases in the stacks, so you can hear it all the way over in the CFA. 
  • The Escapist: slowly sliding off of one of the ridiculously low chairs in the main hall until you wind up in a little ball under the table. Oops. 
  • The Vandalist: while dancing on one of the long wooden tables in the main hall during a student event, you fall down and damage the new task lighting. (I hear some of you have tried this one already.)

That’s all for now, but maybe I’ll catch you in a bit for the next in my series: Falling in SciLi. Best of luck on your falling journeys!

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