surprisingly scrumptious s(PI)ked spirits


Picture this: it’s Saturday night, you’re putting on your makeup and your cute little corset top (or not— maybe it’s a jersey and some ripped jeans)…and you’re staring at your High Noon because you know you have to drink it but also the mere smell of a High Noon brings back extremely cursed memories. You could go out to a bar, sure, but let’s be real: the fancy ones don’t take your fake IDs. But boy do I have an alternative for you, and it’s right next to your doorstep (unless you live on Pearl Street, in which case I extend my sincerest apologies): pi cafe

That’s right! Today I’ve got a list of brand-spanking-new PI cocktails for your viewing (and consuming) pleasure. So without further ado, here’s how to upgrade your Saturday night: 


Highlights in the Douglass Cannon’s Legacy


The last time the Douglass Cannon was seen was in this email in 2018 from Dean Mike

It’s come to my attention that we are not talking enough about what I believe is one of Wesleyan’s greatest hidden treasures: the Douglass Cannon. 

Though on occasion I meet a person who shares my love for this silly cannon, I find that most people live in complete oblivion of its existence. Like many other Wesleyan traditions and lore, I think the pandemic has wiped away a good chunk of cannon awareness. However, I am more than aware. The Douglass Cannon has become my latest utter hyper-fixation and favorite pastime. There are days where I cannot work, think, or talk about anything but this cannon, and how absolutely crazy I think its history is. Like a storm, it has taken over my life and riddled me with obsession. My friends don’t even want to get meals with me for fear that I will continue to rant about this cannon’s legacy.

ThesisCRAZY 2023!!!


Hey ya’ll! It’s that time of year again: readings seem impossible, pi cafe is downright sweltering, and tour groups magically appear on the days that are sunny but are noticeably absent when a cloud shows up. In other words, it’s April. Which means it’s also….


Theses are almost due and seniors, it’s time to claim your 5 minutes of fame(in the form of a 10-15 minute interview). Tell us about your topic, your process, and the trials and tribulations that led to this point. And definitely tell us about your definitely-not-drunken plans for April 14th! 

Fill out this form and a writer will reach out to you to set up an interview! And if you want a great way to procrastinate, click the search bar and type thesiscrazy to look through our past articles!


Wishing you all the best of luck!!

An Ode to Story and Soil Merch

I’ve always been such a merch lover. For my school, for extracurricular activities, Wesleyan merch, however, is almost too ubiquitous. Red font is emblazoned everywhere, and many of the styles skew athletic, which is not everyone’s cup of tea. None of the clothing I bought when I got in in the far past year of 2019 fits me either. Unisex sizing is super confusing, and I am understandably a different woman now than I was in pre-pandemic high school. With growing up inevitably comes changes in style, and thus new pathways of repping your school to discover. 


Spontaneity In The New Year!

One of my New Year’s resolutions for 2023 was to be more spontaneous. And really, I need to think of a better word, because that makes me sound like a middle-aged woman trying to revive her love life. What I mean is: I want to break out of routine a little, talk to strangers, smile more, leave silly notes for people, walk without watching my feet. I want to gently shrug off the set of behaviors I have carefully curated to minimize risk and maximize comfort. I’m not calling for anything radical here, I’m just asking If I can maybe go without checking the Usdan lunch menu five times before 12:00 pm. 

When I chose to acquaint my family with these intentions, I was met with a wellspring of advice. Here is what my a few of my loved ones had to say about how I might spontaneify my life as a Wesleyan student (paraphrased):

Reflections on The Forbidden Llama

As a high school junior touring colleges, I fantasized about a weekday night at a college bar. Especially as someone growing up in a big city, and seeking colleges in smaller North East towns, something seemed so sweet and intimate about sharing a night with your friends, your class crush, and the person you were friends with for the first week of freshman year and now half-wave occasionally to. I fell in love with Mezzo’s unpretentious sporty energy, and its two floors! And a deck! The playlist sucked, the vibe was chaotic, but I treasured my connection to my Wesleyan Mezzo-attending forebears. Unfortunately, things are changing, maybe forever…

I miss Mezzo. Everyone I know misses Mezzo. Although Mezzo is temporarily closed, their bar night numbers have been dwindling since the fall. And the culprit of this insidious shift is the Forbidden Llama, Main Street’s newest bar/club/restaurant. 

Procrastination Destination: The Archives

Are you looking for even more procrastination destination articles to keep you from facing those essays and exams? Check out some highlights of our articles from past years:

If you want even more, just search up procrastination in our search bar and scroll away! Happiest of finals to you all.

Procrastination Destination: A Guide to a Proper Wesleyan Breakfast

This is part of our Procrastination Destination series: bringing you deliciously silly articles to help you procrastinate on your finals. Stay tuned for more in the coming days!

If you, like me, have 8:50s (or just morning classes in general) there may be days where you want to eat breakfast but either don’t have the time or don’t feel like going to Usdan. If that’s the case, don’t worry! Here are some quick and easy breakfasts to make before class in your dorm in order of how time-consuming they are.

Procrastination Destination: How to Fall in the Library

This is part of our Procrastination Destination series: bringing you deliciously silly articles to help you procrastinate on your finals. Stay tuned for more in the coming days!

About two months ago, I perpetually had “write Wesleying article” on my agenda. This command must have wormed its way into my psyche, because one night I had a dream where I was miraculously compelled to write an article on all of the possible ways one could fall down in the libraries on campus. A manual, of sorts. 

I woke up with the unshakeable conviction that this was an article I had to write. So here it is. 

Falling Inspiration for The Chronically Uninspired 

If you have been looking for the antidote to numbness, to the soul-sucking monotony that drags you like a sleepwalker over sticky carpet and really ugly linoleum, look no further. Falling is the perfect way to remind yourself that you’re not just a brain on legs, and best of all: it requires no more than 30 seconds, absolutely no forethought, and minimal cleanup. So loosen up and topple over! 

Procrastination Destination: Losing my WesWings Virginity

This is part of our Procrastination Destination series: bringing you deliciously silly articles to help you procrastinate on your finals. Stay tuned for more in the coming days!

Before everyone is educated in Wesleyan slang, people are often caught in the embarrassing moment of referring to their trip to “Weswings.” Very cringe. But the name Weswings reminds visitors of an alleged staple item in the Swings menu–the wings. And yet most of the people I know, myself included, have never actually tasted the wings of swings. So after approximately two point five years of pondering, I dug in. 

To conduct a relatively thorough investigation of the Swings wings, while also conserving points, I decided to try two sets of wings: Buffalo bone-in, and Rochester boneless. For my inaugural Swings wings experience, I also decided to share my wings and eat in the comfort of my own home, just to be safe. It can be very emotionally challenging to conduct a conversation in a public space as you tear in and smear orange sauce all over your face.

Without further ado, here are my quite subjective ratings. To each their own <3