Author Archives: cbear

Transfers! We’re like freshmen but can do laundry!

We finally got that snow everyone’s been telling us about since we decided to go to school in New England

In less than a week, my first semester at Wes will come to an end. It’s an accomplishment that a lot of students are facing. But for some of us, the transfer kids, this is the second time our first semester at a school will end.

The transfer process sucks. It’s a little bit like senior year of high school but this time you’re really sad all the time. We each went to our first school with a goal of finding a home for ourself and thriving and having the time of our life and LOL we were so dumb. Those original plans didn’t work out too well, so we left to try again.

The transition is difficult for transfer students. It’s scary coming to a new school knowing that the first time around didn’t work out. What if it happens again? What if it wasn’t the school? What if it’s just me?

Procrastination Destination: The bear attack scene from The Revenant

CW: gore, violence

Remember the time Leonardo DiCaprio died in the freezing ocean? Or maybe the time he entered a dream within a dream within a dream? Cool moments, right?

Wrong. Not compared to this. None of those Leo moments even come close to his best performance of all: the time he got attacked by a massive CGI grizzly bear for literally four minutes straight.

Four minutes.

Imagine something that takes less time than four minutes. Now imagine a different thing (I’m sure that first thing will improve). It seriously blows my mind that the director chose to spend that much time on this scene. It is just an absurdly unnecessary amount of bear attack.

And it is such a strange scene because the bear attack happens three separate times. When you watch the video be sure to note the timestamp at which the bear attack should have ended. That’s right. It’s at ninety two seconds. There is an extra two and half minutes for the bear to come back and put in the work. And then it does. Twice!

It just adds nothing to the movie, and maybe that’s why I love it so much. It’s such an honest moment of BS spectacle that exists because they had the money and the actor capable of grunting so well. I’d like to think I’d create something similar with those resources.

So, yeah, watch the best four minutes in movie history after you inevitably get eliminated from tonight’s HQ because airwes lags and screws your chances at $1,500 divided evenly amongst 1,600 people.

Original Content Makers Must Seize the Memes of Production

We’re in a tough spot. Our age group has to deal with a melting planet, a thriving possum population, and a plethora of potential employers that expect us to know how to use Excel. That sucks for us sassy NESCAC kids. In spite of these obstacles, there is supposed to be a light in the dark, a city upon a hill, a beautiful beacon of hope: memes.

But, alas, Wesleyan’s meme culture is less than ideal. I would call it bad.

Best of WesMaps: Spring 2018 Edition

WesMaps is a lot like Dora’s map if Dora’s map wasn’t the clutchest piece of technology that has ever existed. Dora straight up asked that thing for a step by step walkthrough to paradise and it delivered every single time. Preregistration with Wesmaps, on the other hand, is confusing and stressful and I hate everything. For example, what is a POI? I have no idea. Am I a Person Of Interest? An interesting person? Can you tell that to the girlfriend I don’t have?

WesMaps has its issues, but it does offer some wacky courses to choose from. If you have time in your Spring schedule, then one of these courses could round it out in a spicy way.

Hit me with that weird shit, Wesleyan. I’m into it.

Michaelroths of Wesleyan

Michael roths of Wesleyan began as a photo editing project. The goal was to photoshop Michael Roth ’78 into a thousand situations. Somewhere along the way, I began to add total shitpost captions alongside these photographs.

I have been blessed with a beautiful campus and a beautiful array of Michaelroths. There are so many stories to be told from these images, and I’lll tell them all god dammit. My hope is that these stories touch your life in the same way they have touched mine. I think these images can change the world.