Some breaking news from aspiring student reporter Tim Tim ’16:
Earlier today, beginning at approximately 12:30pm, a multi-car traffic jam on the path between Albritton and Usdan left drivers and pedestrians alike stranded. While the sound of honking car horns and road rage fueled argumentation was easily audible from Foss Hill, the cause of the unusual jam remains unclear. Public Safety reportedly moved to open extra pedestrian lanes on College Row in order to ease traffic flow, but the office was unavailable for direct comment. One student bystander observed, “Man, these kids are going to be really late for brunch if this traffic doesn’t clear out soon!”