Author Archives: fern

Like Gummy Bear Vitamins? You’ll Love Cummies!

“A lot of times, people don’t know what they want until you show it to them.”  -Steve Jobs (1998)

In the YouTube debut of esteemed Wesleyan alums Russell Goldman ’17 and Johnny LaZebnik ’16, we are introduced to Cummies®: “the world’s first ever jizz-flavored vitamin chew”.

The testimonials in this parody infomercial leave you with some pleasant mental images as to the accurate flavor of Cummies®.  Lines describing the flavor include, “An almost empty glass of white wine with a little bit of ranch dressing plopped in”, “Three day old oyster water”, and “Black truffle that’s washed up under the Santa Monica Pier”.

The infomercial ends with an offer for a bonus bottle of Facielle by Cummies®, a lotion, and then a shot of Brent (played by Johnny) being splattered with the lotion in a rather suggestive way.  Describing how many takes this shot took, Johnny said, “By the end, I looked like I’d just shot a bukake scene with 50 well-hydrated men.”

Watch after the jump:

“This Is It!” The Complete Piano Works of Neely Bruce—Part XIII

From the CFA:

John Spencer Camp Professor of Music Neely Bruce presents the thirteenth in a series of fifteen CD-length recitals of his piano music, featuring the first complete performance, in order, of the “Nine Nocturnes;” and two works that incorporate improvisation, “Les harpes imaginaires” and “Outdoor Scarlatti.”

Date: Sunday, October 15th
Time: 3PM
Location: Crowell Concert Hall

Foss Hill Jam!

From the people who organized Foss Hill Jam:

Come down to Foss Hill for the annual Foss Hill Jam with food, bouncy houses, face painting, and more! Celebrate fall with your friends on Foss!

Date: Saturday, October 14th
Time: 3:30-6PM
Location: Foss Hill

Graduate School Fair

From the Office of Graduate Liberal Studies:

On Saturday, October 14, from 9am-noon, more than 20 graduate programs will have representatives at the Connecticut Teachers Graduate School Fair – a free event being held at Wesleyan University in Beckham Hall. Admissions and faculty representatives from CCSU, UConn, Southern, UNH, Quinnipiac, and more will be on hand to discuss the many graduate school options for educators and education professionals in Connecticut. Programs represented include M.A. Elementary Education; Ed.D.; Leadership 6th Year; SYC in Remedial Reading and Remedial Language Arts; numerous subject-specific masters; MAT; interdisciplinary studies and more.

Information about Wesleyan’s partnership with ARC, the Alternate Route to Certification to gain initial certification to teach in Connecticut public schools, will also be available.

This event is free to attend, but we advance registration is encouraged! More information, and the RSVP form, can be found on the Teachers Graduate Fair website. Please be in touch with the Graduate Liberal Studies office,, if you would like additional information about this event!

Date: Saturday, October 14th
Time: 9AM-Noon
Location: Beckham Hall

Cardinal Pictures Creative Speed Dating

From Jack Warren ’20:

Looking for the star of your next web series? Or your perfect cinematographer? Or maybe your indie-film-loving soulmate?? Then the first ever Cardinal Pictures Speed Dating event is for you! All experienced OR aspiring writers, directors, producers, gaffers, sound recordists, and movie buffs are welcome. Come to PAC 001 at 5:30 on Wednesday, 10/11 to pitch ideas, build production teams, learn about making a movie with Cardinal Pictures, or just have fun with the incredible Wes student film community. It’s a great way to meet a ton of cool, creative folks! We hope to see ya there :)))

Date: Wednesday, October 11th
Time: 5:30-6:30PM
Location: PAC 001

The Long War in Afghanistan: A perspective

From Allbritton Center for the Study of Public Life and the Friends of the Wesleyan Library:

In August of this year, the U.S. announced another policy and strategy for Afghanistan. October 7th marks 16 years of war in Afghanistan, the longest American war of this century. Where are we in our aims to dismantle and defeat Al Qaeda and to help stabilize and secure Afghanistan well enough to prevent the return of the Taliban? Why is there still a strategic stalemate after 16 years? The talk covers the origins and evolution of the war in Afghanistan. The discussion will provide candid insights about the opportunities and risks associated with the current policy and the future prospects for breaking the strategic stalemate.

Colonel Bob Cassidy, Ph.D., U.S. Army (retired), has served four tours in Afghanistan, returning from his most recent tour in March 2017. Cassidy has served as a special assistant to three senior generals, a special operations director of assessments, a special mission task force planner, a battalion commander, and a brigade operations officer. He earned his Ph.D. from the Fletcher School at Tufts University. His scholarly work has generally explored strategy, irregular war, and military culture. Bob Cassidy is the inaugural Retired Military Officer Teaching Fellow at Wesleyan University for the academic year 2017-2018.

Date: Wednesday, October 11th
Time: 7-9PM
Location: Smith Reading Room, 1st floor Olin Library

Concert: Young Jesus // Pope // Saint Something

From Earth House:

come thru earth house for this absolutely DIVINE lineup

“beans, carrot, house trash, small dog name Tim”
LA-based earnest indie rock, celebrating the release of their new album S/T

NOLA noise + grunge pop

wes’s newest patron saints of alt pop
get ready for some stigmata

Date: Friday, October 6th
Time: 9:30PM
Location: Earth House

Book Talk with Vanessa Grigoriadis ’95

From Russell House:

New York Times Magazine editor Vanessa Grigoriadis ’95 will present her new book Blurred Lines: Rethinking Sex, Power, and Consent on Campus, in conversation with Professor Anne F. Greene. Signing will follow. Grigoriadis conducted research for this book at Wesleyan.  More info

Vanessa Grigoriadis ‘95 is a contributing editor at the New York Times Magazine and Vanity Fair, specializing in pop culture, youth movements, and crime reporting. She is a National Magazine Award winner and has been featured on MSNBC, CNN, Dateline, and Investigation/Discovery shows.

Date: Tuesday, October 3rd
Time: 7PM
Location: RJ Julia Bookstore

Wesleyan Doula Project Information Sessions

From Natalie May ’18 :

Passionate about reproductive health? Interested in working as a patient advocate in local abortion clinics? Want to be involved in one of the only college-based doula projects in the country?

Apply to be trained as an abortion doula with the Wesleyan Doula Project!

For security reasons, people who get abortions aren’t allowed to bring anyone with them for support during or after their procedures. Our project trains Wes students to offer that missing support – as doulas, we volunteer weekly at local abortion clinics to provide patients with emotional and physical support and advocacy during their procedures and recovery.

We will be holding our annual training on November 11-12! If you are interested in applying, you must attend ONE of our two info sessions and complete an application and interview process. More details (and snacks!) at the info sessions.

Questions? Contact

Date: Info Session 1: Tuesday, October 3rd / Info Session 2: Thursday, October 5th
Time: 8:00-9:00pm
Location: Allbritton 103

Things I Ate: Summies Salmon Burger

I was undoubtedly excited when I walked into Summies for the first time in my life.  It was a world of options, each one better than the next. But for me there was one that stuck out above all else: the Salmon Burger.

I personally love a good filet of salmon; the way each bite melts in your mouth, the superior flavor of this magical fish, and the feeling you get when this maritime candy leaves the fork and falls onto your tongue is coupled with little else in the world.

This might explain why the salmon burger looked so appealing. What could be better than mixing Poseidon’s wet dream with the gastronomic embodiment of the American dream?  My mouth watered as I handed my WesCard to the cashier.

“Meals please.”  My last words before I thought my world would be changed forever.