Author Archives: John

Gag Reflex: The Hollandaise Sauce Show


Ralph is sitting trying to pull nails out of his mother’s floorboards. “I’m doing it again, mother!”  Ralph’s mother is riding around on the poodle.  “Don’t you dare, you infidel!”

“I am doing it for the mother country!” Ralph shouts at her, pulling at the skin of his cheeks.  He wraps himself in his arm and shakes and beams his forcefield out.

“The mother country!”  The poodle leaps gracefully over stacks of dishes.  “The mother country’s poisoned, Ralph!  Don’t you remember your evil father!”  Ralph’s mother rides the poodle right into the forcefield.

“You lout!” she hurls at him.  “You vicious cyborg!”  Ralph does his karate chops, takes victory pills.

DATE: Friday, March 2nd
TIME: 8:00 PM
PLACE: WestCo Cafe

Submit to OSTRANENIE 6.2

OSTRANENIE 6.2, Wesleyan’s only all genre-inclusive, non-hierarchical, anonymously-reviewed campus publication, is now considering submissions through THE END OF THIS WEEK (try to submit to us by FRIDAY, MARCH 2ND). The magazine will be printed in COLOR and accepts ANYTHING CAPABLE OF 2-D REPRESENTATION, including but not limited to:


Please submit your work to WESBOX 92156 or samizdatpress (at) gmail (dot) com.

Gag Reflex: The Reading Week Show

Oh young Wesleyanites, let down your flowy, knotted hair, and have no fear!  Gag Reflex is here to turn your troubles into laughter. Stressed about those papers?  Of course you are!  Afraid you’re not going to pass your exams?  You probably won’t! So put your puffy-eyed, amphetamine-tweaked nights of despair on pause and forget your worries with the generous help of that world-renowned troupe of sexy fools, Gag Reflex.  (And, as a bonus for you French majors, Sarkozy, the great codpiece, will be present!  Though he will likely be too busy wiping Merkel’s saliva from his soggy teats to answer any questions.)
DATE: Friday, December 9th
TIME: 8:00 PM
PLACE: WestCo Cafe

Act in a senior thesis film!

Looking hot in your Great Gatsby costume?  You got 1920s style? Wanna be a star?

A period-epic senior film thesis demands that you come show your costume for the shooting of a great ball sequence in Wadsworth Mansion this Friday afternoon, December 9th. Champagne, masks, jazz = the greatest moment in Wesleyan film history. Meet in the Exley Lobby at 12:30 if you don’t have a car, and we’ll pick you up from there–it’s just that easy!

If you wish to revel and dance, the production wants you—it takes a village to build an epic, and this ball is looking for 100+ people to make this film sizzle with 1920’s hot heat.  Every body with every costume is needed.  Come dressed formally, and 1920’s to the very best of your ability (see here for quick and easy reference!).

Please email akhandros(at)wesleyan(dot)edu if you can either participate or lend costumes, or with any questions.

Date: Friday, December 9th
Time: 12:30-5:00 PM
Place: Wadsworth Mansion (or the Exley Lobby if you have no method of transportation)

Gag Reflex: The Parent’s Weekend Show

Your parent is not a fat cat, thank God. But Gag Reflex, this Friday night, is gonna make jokes that’ll get you rolling and oozing with laughter all over the carpeted floor. So get your Clorox stain remover, and your Brawny quilted quicker picker-uppers and get ready for some deep cleaning! Litter boxes are not provided, but we’re hoping to find some lying around — for you, you old cod!

DATE: Friday, November 4th
TIME: 8:00 PM
PLACE: CFA World Music Hall


OPEN casting call for lead role – black and white, 16mm surreal period epic. Looking for a male lead to play both the central character and the antagonist. Audition materials will be provided, but the lead role will entail playing characters at two extremes of a confidence-spectrum.  Actors and non-actors alike are welcome.

Come prepared just to talk a bit about yourself.

Two sessions will be held, Thursday 10/14, 5-6:30PM, and Friday 10/15, 5-7PM, in the Butt C Lounge.

If interested, contact John Schmidt ’13 at jlschmidt(at)wes to set up an audition time–or just show up!

Date: Thursday (today), 10/13, and Friday, 10/14
Time: For Thursday, 5:00-6:30, for Friday, 5:00-7:00
Place: Butt C Lounge



OSTRANENIE 6.1, a campus publication, is now considering submissions through October 17th. The magazine accepts ANYTHING CAPABLE OF 2-D REPRESENTATION, including but not limited to:


Send your work to SAMIZDATPRESS@GMAIL.COM or WESBOX 92156.


At last a breath of only semi-polluted air!  Tonight marks a pivotal moment not only in the illustrious music history of Wesleyan, but of AMERICA.  An album that has been setting underground music blogs and unsuspecting young women’s hair on fire for the past few humid weeks is finally being released to the public: Chilly Phoenix’s long-awaited debut EP, The Trident, a breathtaking achievement four long and arduous years in the making.  Robby Hardesty ’12 and David Thompson ’11 birthed the concept of this album through bouts of sweaty, drug-induced insomnia in the fall of 2007, and have been battling not only each other, but the dark forces of the free market to climb to this pinnacle of musical craftsmanship ever since.  The Trident may be the only thing that can pull America out its Great Impoverishment–get it before the Internet explodes all over your keyboard.  This shit is safer than gold and may just be the Next Big Market.  The supply is limited and the demand is high, so prices may shoot through the roof if you don’t act soon.

If you purchase The Trident, you will receive copious amounts of bonus materials, including journals from the time of the album’s creation, personal photographs, speeches, treatises, expense accounts, and more.  The album is available to stream or buy at the band’s Bandcamp page.  Also check out Hardesty and Thompson’s day-in, day-out, soul-boning activities on their Twitter.  Investment is preferred to thievery.  No free lunches, honkeys.

Men With Bad Manners at Music House

Howe Pearson ’12 writes in with this ambiguous call to action:

Men With Bad Manners are playing tonight (that’s 9/16) at Music House. The atmosphere within and about their audiences and them has always been full of Jah enchantments. Their joyous sounds are carriages to tangible euphoria that last for eternity. CAUTION: Planning to attend their shows is committing your will and energies to these mad men invested with bad manners. Before you know, and without your consent, you’ll be in the above mentioned state. Perhaps you’ll regret later why you had not known them beforehand. But again, everything comes before you! And Men With Bad Manners will be there on stage before your arrival.

Hear their inconsiderate music here.

Date: Friday, September 16th
Time: 10:00 PM
Place: Music Haus