to the tune of Avril Lavigne’s Sk8er Boy
He was a boy
she was a girl
can I make it any more heteronormative?
He’s into film,
she plays croquet
What more can I say?
He wescams her
She does as well,
They come to Usdan dressed in pastel
They took The Ride
But he had lied,
That he was cool sitting on Loud side
He was a film house boy
She only drank la croix,
He really hated Loud Side Yooz
She was like “what the hell?”
Was he feeling unwell?
She thought that Quiet side was a snooze
Five days from now
She sits on Quiet side
Wishing that she hadn’t tried to hide
Because she realized
That she really prized
Seeing the happiness in his eyes
When she would say
Let’s go and play
A little of my favorite sport, croquet
And in return
I’ll have to learn
To have dinner without athletes in the way
He was a film house boy
She only drank la croix
He really hated loud side yooz
But with some patience and
A little raisin bran
Quiet was no longer a snooze
She took a chance
She asked him to dance
He thought it was a real romance
She never knew
what Usdan could do
To change everything that you thought you knew
She would decide
that loud to quiet side
Was not so big of a divide
Now they’re just friends
But it’s ok,
Cuz they sit on quiet side every day
Loud side throughout
Knowing that later they’d play croque
He was a film house boy
She only drank la croix
He had stopped hating loud side yooz
It didn’t matter now
They worked it out somehow
Now they had nothing left to lose
The Wiggles, an Australian children’s music band, is headlining this year’s Spring Fling. The Wiggles were listed as Business Review Weekly’s top-earning Australian entertainers in 2005, and have achieved international success since their founding in 1991.
According to the Wiggles twitter account, their set will include hits like “Hot Potato”, “Wake Up Jeff” and “Fruit Salad (Yummy Yummy)”. Wesleyan’s Spring Fling committee selected the Wiggles to “help everybody chill the fuck out” and “feel child-like joy again”. Another source suggested that since our campus is susceptible to toddler diseases such as Hand, Foot, and Mouth disease, the student population might also enjoy the music of toddlers.
Since the announcement, students have wondered how the Wiggles will be received by Spring Fling goers, given The Wiggles’ targeted age-range and general cheerful disposition that apparently “does not mesh well with mentally exhausted college kids”. Claire Glickman ‘21 went so far as to say “I hate children’s music; how can you listen to this,” as I soulfully sang along in an Australian accent to Wiggle anthem, “Apples and Bananas.” However, the committee hopes that the bright colors and catchy tunes of the Wiggles will appeal to the intoxicated audience and encourage students to get up off of Foss and “wiggle.”
You walk into Usdan, Canada goose gently gliding in the wind behind you. You weave through the bustling gaggle of students who are ¾ hangry, 1/4 inebriated. You chuckle at your own cleverness in coming up with that piece of fraction humor. You exclaim to your friend, the one with brown hair wearing Bean Boots, “damn, why is it always so crowded in here”. She’s like, “idk, ugh.” You decide to peruse Soggy We$ Memes to fill the time it takes waiting on the Usdan staircase, a unique structure that gives you an elevated perspective of people’s scalps staring down at the tinder profiles of that kid from Econ.
You come across a meme, a meme you’re sure you’ll understand, a template you’ve seen a million times. You know the one. That guy looking at a butterfly. And he’s like “Is this ___?” Classic. But then you look a little closer. The guy is labeled as “Wesleyan’s inconsiderate student body”. And that’s not all. The butterfly was labeled “Usdan Lunch rush”. No way. You are IN THAT RN!!! And here’s the kicker, the caption at the bottom, which is a little hard to read since you are trying to walk up the Usdan steps at the same time, reads “Is this a good place to hold an hour-long conversation with my friends even though there are clearly people without seats who actually intend to eat, not network.”
This past Wednesday, Wesleyan University welcomed a new batch of students via Early Decision 2! Firstly, I’d like to speak directly to our freshly hatched 2023’ers and welcome you to our community. You have just committed to ~4 years of magical experiences that will leave you both intellectually enlightened and slightly bloated.
As someone who was accepted in ED2, I understand the excitement of receiving this acceptance at the peak of your senioritis. I wish you the best of luck now that you are legally bound to this institution and its host town, the booming metropolis of Middletown, Connecticut.
Another perk of your acceptance is that you are free to explore the most creative and news-worthy student blog, Wesleying. Here you can learn about all the hot topics of discussion that provide the only entertainment in our mundane undergraduate lives. From campus events to random memes to social commentary on campus life, Wesleying has it all. *wink*
We feel very lucky that your first-choice school rejected you.
Welcome to the fourth installment of Procrastination Destination, where Wesleying provides you #content to get you through finals!
Hello fellow procrastinators! I, like many (most) of you, have countless essays to write this finals szn. And I’m sure, like many (most) of you, you have an increasingly limited amount of time to complete said essays this finals szn.
However, if any of you find yourself in a place where you feel your typing is not fast enough, that if only you could transport your brilliant thoughts to paper at a more rapid pace you could get the “A” you’ve always wanted in that really hard soc class, I have found an activity for you.
You need look no further than the website 10 Fast Fingers, which will test how many words you can type per minute, or your “RPM”.
Jaclyn and her scooter
According to my fabricated calculations, the scooter uptick in the last 12 months has increased approximately 9-fold. Each day, more and more students are purchasing scooters to hasten their trips to and from their dorms and classes.
After a semester in Professor Cohen’s “Global Change and Infectious Disease” class (a fan favorite among the hypochondriacs of Wes who are completing the level one NSM requirements) I think I know an epidemic when I see one.
I asked an avid scooter user, Jaclyn Lore-Edwards ’21, about her scooting experiences at Wesleyan. “I bought a scooter because this year I’m living on Washington Street which is pretty far from most things on campus. With the mix of living farther from central campus and my inability to be punctual, I bought a scooter so I could get places fast.”
There is no literary platform in the Wesleyan community, barring a certain student blog, that allows for the creativity and unique personalities of our students to shine more than the Facebook descriptions in a pregame invite.
My story begins on a regular September afternoon. My laundry basket, bursting at the seams with an array of weather-inappropriate clothing, had toppled over entirely. I decided after some quick calculations that I would be able to complete the full laundry cycle in the amount of time I had before dinner. I could not have been more wrong.
The New York Times recently launched a new series called “On Campus”, which consists of “Dispatches from college students, professors, and administrators on higher education and university life.” The series covers topics like binge drinking in frats, free speech and protesting, sexual assault, and safe spaces. Bryan Stascavage ’18 published “My Liberal University Cemented My Vote for Trump” in the series last November. Stascavage is known for controversial articles he’s written while in and out of his position as a staff writer in the Wesleyan Argus.