As the semester nears its end, several local freshmen are coming to the realization that college may not, in fact, be the best time of their lives. This revelation has caused multiple Usdan meltdowns and many failed attempts to drink away reality.
“Everyone has told me my entire life that college will be so fun and I’ll make so many friends and go to so many parties” said A ‘23, who chose to remain anonymous due to the embarrassing fact that she only has two friends, “But like, parties can be gross? I’m too scared to admit to all the adults at home who keep asking if I’m having ‘fun’ that I don’t actually like the taste of beer.”
“Man, when I got recruited, I was so ready to be done with high school and just go play lacrosse all day for the Cards” admits Chad McBroson ‘23 “Nobody told me I still had to go to classes and stuff in college! Sometimes I even have to limit my beer pong to one game and then go study and shit. It’s whack.”
Other students have voiced concerns about issues including not meeting the loves of their lives, not discovering themselves, actually missing home and their families a little bit, and not having figured out their “calling” yet. Wesleying suggests that they all just suck it up and lie about all of it like the rest of us.
College is the time in your life for shit food. You’re in a place where you can’t really cook for yourself, but you also don’t have anyone there to cook for you anymore. But just because you have to eat shit food doesn’t mean you don’t deserve the best shit food. And that, dear reader, is where I come in. For your sake, I have taken on the burden of trying all of Weshop’s microwavable mac and cheese cups to definitively determine which one is the best. I chose this specific combination of salt and carbs because it’s one of my favorite shit food options, and what is a more quintessential college food that microwave mac and cheese? (Yes, I know, RAMEN, but if I tried every ramen option at Weshop I would have a heart attack and die from all the sodium so I’m not doing that. Yet.) Each mac will cooked and tasted, then rated via the following criteria:
Ease of Preparation: How many steps are involved in cooking it, and how difficult is it? Could you make it while inebriated?
Mouthfeel: How is the pasta texture? Does the sauce have a good consistency?
Cheesiness: This one doesn’t need much explanation
Bang for yer Buck: Does it feel like you’re getting a full meal out of this cup? Is the Weshop price reasonable for what you get?
General Vibes: Just the feeling I’m getting from it, y’know?
In the end, only one will reign supreme. But who will it be? The answer lies under the cut.
This is an updated repost of michelle’s repost of sophie’s repost of maya‘s repost. Please note: this is by no means an exhaustive list of eating options in Middletown, as this perfunctory Yelp search will show you. Feel free to add your own recommendations in the comments!
This is part of our 2019 Unofficial Orientation Series. A quick reminder that you can check out the welcome post here and past years’ series here.
Middletown has so many fantastic dining options that at first you might feel like this turtle: faced with an almost insurmountable mountain of deliciousness. Much like the above turtle, though, you’ve got to start somewhere. We’re here to give you a head start.
From coffee-shop casual to awkward-family-dinner upscale, there’s food in Middletown for every occasion. This is our guide to some of the best places to eat in town. Prices are on a $ to $$$ scale. Also worth noting is that a lot of Middletown restaurants accept Middletown Cash, so save up some of that laundry money for your dining excursions. Wesleyan also provides a nifty guide to restaurants in and around Middletown, if you need more guidance (though theirs doesn’t come with student feedback and that special Wesleying flair)! Read all of our food list after the jump!
Welcome to the first installment of Procrastination Destination, where Wesleying provides you with #content to get you through finals!
Let me tell you a story. When I was a senior in high school, I was in a really dope AP Physics C class. The teacher was awesome, the students were all friends, and most importantly, we did a whole lot of “not physics.” One day, our teacher got up in front of the class and told us he had a game to show us. This is how The Paperclip Game entered my life.
Due to an unprecedented number of students applying for General Room Selection for the 2019-2020 school year, ResLife has announced that it will be opening up three rooms in President Roth’s house for students that were forced to wait until summer for their housing assignment. Each of the rooms will be single-sized forced triples, most likely occupied by sophomores who are desperately vying for a room in a system that requires you to live on campus but doesn’t guarantee you a bed.
Most of the graffiti is actually very inclusive!
For most of this year, the second-floor SciLi carrels have been my study space of choice. They’re quieter than the lunch-with-your-friends-disguised-as-studying of first-floor SciLi, but allow for slightly more noise than in Olin, where I feel guilty for just unzipping my backpack. They have a good amount of natural light, and their cute little walls protect me from making eye contact with anyone else working there, so I can sink into the false sense of solitude that I so desperately need. But an added bonus is that many of the carrels have some *high quality* graffiti from all the students that have studied there before, providing ample entertainment and procrastination fodder. And for your reading privilege, I have compiled the highlights. Click below for some anxiety-fueled musings. (Please note that I take no responsibility for any misspellings, botched punctuation, or opinions. All errors belong to the authors themselves.)
Image courtesy of our friends at wesleyangeese
It’s winter at Wesleyan. The days are short, you’re not allowed to open the windows in your dorm, and you’re not sure if the cloud coming from your classmate’s mouth is their frozen breath or just their Juul. But winter at a liberal arts college also conjures up a true evil of this world: flocks of Canada Geese.
For those of you who aren’t aware, Canada Goose jackets are the winter coat of choice for Wesleyan students who get monthly allowances and who go to the Bahamas for Christmas. A Canada Goose parka retails for $950, while a longer length coat will set you back $1,050. The most expensive one I found while doing research for this piece was a “quilted blazer” made in collaboration with the brand Henry Poole that was going for $1,695 (it includes straps so you can carry it like a backpack???)
How could something so expensive be so ugly?????
Obviously the prices are atrocious, but what really gets me about all these Canada Gooses (Geese? Gooses? Who knows) is that YOU DON’T NEED ONE FOR CONNECTICUT.