Author Archives: maury

About maury

Don't stop, make it pop

An Ode to Animal Crossing

A photo I took with my phone of my Switch screen because Nintendo does not give you an easy way to get screenshots off the device goddammit

The last couple months have not been good. Terrible, if we’re being honest. It has been hard to find hope, or joy, or a reason to get up in the morning (I don’t know about you, but having to wake up and watch someone with a PhD not know how to share their screen every day for 6 weeks just wasn’t really doing it for me). We have to find our happiness wherever we can, no matter how trivial it is. And for me, one of these small sources of happiness has been Animal Crossing. 

Animal Crossing, if you don’t know, is a Nintendo game where you play as a villager in a town (or island in this case) full of animals. You start with nothing, but through the generous interest-free loans of raccoon Tom Nook, you can build a house and start a life. There isn’t much that “happens,” per se, in Animal Crossing; you furnish your house and buy clothes at stores in town, you plant flowers and trees, you talk to your neighbors, you collect fish, bugs, and fossils to put on exhibit in your town’s museum. It is the poster child for a low intensity experience. And that is exactly what I need right now.

In Loving Memory of Mathilde Roth

It is with deep sorrow that we at Wesleying must share that Mathilde Roth, Michael Roth’s dog, passed away recently. Roth posted a tribute to her on his Twitter on April 10th, saying that it’s “So sad to say goodbye to our beloved Mathilde.” As college students, our interactions with pets are far and few between, and I know that for many of us, seeing Mathilde out for a walk around campus was an uplifting sight. Even if we didn’t really get to interact with her, her presence was still felt, and it was obvious that she was a very good girl. She will be missed by all of us. Continue below the cut to see a selection of heartwarming Mathilde photos, and to remember her fondly.

Love in the Time of Coronavirus: Submission Request

Coronavirus is rapidly changing society as we know it, and we at Wesleying want to know how it’s specifically impacting your relationships with those you love. Fill out this form and tell us about any and all of the changes that are happening between you and your significant other, parents, friends, siblings, hookups, teachers, pets, beloved inanimate objects, and everything in between. Your story will be part of an upcoming article!

Procrastination Destination: The Loveland Frog

Today, my friends, I am going to introduce you to my personal favorite cryptid and American legend: The Loveland Frog. The Loveland Frog, aka the Loveland Frogman or the Loveland Lizard, is a four-foot-tall humanoid frog that has been spotted multiple times near Loveland, Ohio. He is said to have leathery skin, webbed hands and feet, and stands on two legs. 

There have been multiple eyewitness accounts of the Loveland Frog throughout the years. Read them under the cut at your own risk.

Local Freshmen Have Emotional Crisis

As the semester nears its end, several local freshmen are coming to the realization that college may not, in fact, be the best time of their lives. This revelation has caused multiple Usdan meltdowns and many failed attempts to drink away reality.

“Everyone has told me my entire life that college will be so fun and I’ll make so many friends and go to so many parties” said A ‘23, who chose to remain anonymous due to the embarrassing fact that she only has two friends, “But like, parties can be gross? I’m too scared to admit to all the adults at home who keep asking if I’m having ‘fun’ that I don’t actually like the taste of beer.” 

 “Man, when I got recruited, I was so ready to be done with high school and just go play lacrosse all day for the Cards” admits Chad McBroson ‘23 “Nobody told me I still had to go to classes and stuff in college! Sometimes I even have to limit my beer pong to one game and then go study and shit. It’s whack.”

Other students have voiced concerns about issues including not meeting the loves of their lives, not discovering themselves, actually missing home and their families a little bit, and not having figured out their “calling” yet. Wesleying suggests that they all just suck it up and lie about all of it like the rest of us. 

The Ultimate Mac and Cheese Cup Review

The Contenders

College is the time in your life for shit food. You’re in a place where you can’t really cook for yourself, but you also don’t have anyone there to cook for you anymore. But just because you have to eat shit food doesn’t mean you don’t deserve the best shit food. And that, dear reader, is where I come in. For your sake, I have taken on the burden of trying all of Weshop’s microwavable mac and cheese cups to definitively determine which one is the best. I chose this specific combination of salt and carbs because it’s one of my favorite shit food options, and what is a more quintessential college food that microwave mac and cheese? (Yes, I know, RAMEN, but if I tried every ramen option at Weshop I would have a heart attack and die from all the sodium so I’m not doing that. Yet.) Each mac will cooked and tasted, then rated via the following criteria:

Ease of Preparation: How many steps are involved in cooking it, and how difficult is it? Could you make it while inebriated? 

Mouthfeel: How is the pasta texture? Does the sauce have a good consistency?

Cheesiness: This one doesn’t need much explanation

Bang for yer Buck: Does it feel like you’re getting a full meal out of this cup? Is the Weshop price reasonable for what you get? 

General Vibes: Just the feeling I’m getting from it, y’know?

In the end, only one will reign supreme. But who will it be? The answer lies under the cut. 

Unofficial Orientation 2019: Student Groups

This is a repost of a repost of wilk‘s update of michelle‘s update of Maya‘s 2015 post, which was an update of alt‘s 2014 post, which was an update of Q‘s 2013 post, which was an update of Syed‘s 2012 post

            This is the annual student activities fair, where you can schmooze or, more likely, be schmoozed to your heart’s content.

This is part of our 2019 Unofficial Orientation Series. A quick reminder that you can check out the welcome post here and past years’ series here.

By the time classes start, you’ll likely be successfully moved into your dorm, blissfully free from your parents, and finally finding the time to figure your shit out. Soon, you’ll realize that you have a little too much time on your hands — and you might want to fill that time with Organized Social Activities.

Thankfully for you, there are about 300 student groups at Wesleyan, so you have many, many options. Joining student groups is one of the best way to meet people outside of your dorm and in different class years. You could find best friends! Mentors! Something new about yourself! It’s all up to you.

Unofficial Orientation 2019: Middletown Eating

This is an updated repost of michelle’s repost of sophie’s repost of maya‘s repost. Please note: this is by no means an exhaustive list of eating options in Middletown, as this perfunctory Yelp search will show you. Feel free to add your own recommendations in the comments! 

This is part of our 2019 Unofficial Orientation Series. A quick reminder that you can check out the welcome post here and past years’ series here.

Middletown has so many fantastic dining options that at first you might feel like this turtle: faced with an almost insurmountable mountain of deliciousness. Much like the above turtle, though, you’ve got to start somewhere. We’re here to give you a head start.

From coffee-shop casual to awkward-family-dinner upscale, there’s food in Middletown for every occasion. This is our guide to some of the best places to eat in town.  Prices are on a $ to $$$ scale. Also worth noting is that a lot of Middletown restaurants accept Middletown Cash, so save up some of that laundry money for your dining excursions. Wesleyan also provides a nifty guide to restaurants in and around Middletown, if you need more guidance (though theirs doesn’t come with student feedback and that special Wesleying flair)! Read all of our food list after the jump!

Procrastination Destination: The Paperclip Game

Welcome to the first installment of Procrastination Destination, where Wesleying provides you with #content to get you through finals!

Let me tell you a story. When I was a senior in high school, I was in a really dope AP Physics C class. The teacher was awesome, the students were all friends, and most importantly, we did a whole lot of “not physics.” One day, our teacher got up in front of the class and told us he had a game to show us. This is how The Paperclip Game entered my life.

MRoth’s House Announced as Housing Option for Low Lottery Numbers

Due to an unprecedented number of students applying for General Room Selection for the 2019-2020 school year, ResLife has announced that it will be opening up three rooms in President Roth’s house for students that were forced to wait until summer for their housing assignment. Each of the rooms will be single-sized forced triples, most likely occupied by sophomores who are desperately vying for a room in a system that requires you to live on campus but doesn’t guarantee you a bed.