Author Archives: saph

Procrastination Destination: Buzzfeed Edition

Hello fellow procrastinators! While it may be easy as hell to procrastinate, sometimes the regular ol’ routine (switching between snapchat, youtube, and instagram) can get slightly boring, so I’m here to switch things up…we’re adding buzzfeed to the mix. Enjoy my favorite quizzes, lads, as they’re sure to swallow up at least twenty minutes of your time:

 

Demystifying the Wes Covid Experience: Life at the Middletown Inn

Are you eternally unsatisfied with the mystery that is quarantine in the inn?  Can you simply not fall asleep at night because you’re just so curious about what those covid people are doing that whole time?? 

If your answer was yes, I welcome you. If it was no…well too bad, because I’m gonna tell you anyway. Welcome to behind the scenes: a day in the life of a Middletown Inn covid patient. 

Ranking Wes Kombucha Options: an Odyssey of Fermented Exploration

Hello my friends! And welcome to the ultimate Wesleyan kombucha guidebook. Maybe you’re a complete kombucha newbie and you just need some, shall we say, guidance on how to navigate the minefield that is kombucha (it can be very intimidating, I understand). Or maybe you’re a long-time kombucha drinker, and you just want to make sure your favorites are properly recognized (which, if you believe they were not, I extend absolutely no apologies—you need to re-evaluate your taste buds, love). Either way, you’ve come to the right place. I tried every last kombucha option Wesleyan has to offer, and have curated a ranking meticulously based on very strict criteria: looks, taste, and what I call the Kombucha Komponent (like component but with a K—get it?) 

WE’RE GETTING VACCINATED

Let it be known that at approximately 4:21 PM on March 31st, 2021, the entire student body of Wesleyan University could be heard giving a collective sigh of relief.

Why, you may ask? Well I am pleased to announce (drum roll please)…

They’re vaccinating all on-campus students.

It’s just a quick trip to Wesportal and a click on the bright red “Schedule COVID-19 Vaccination” at the top of your screen. From there fill out the form and presto, you’re good to go! Now all you have to do is wait in agony for the next 24 days, 16 hours, and 12 minutes!

But hey, who’s counting?

So hop to it, and happy vaccinating my friends!

Read the text of the all campus email after the break:

Ranking The Ways I’ve Had to Make Friends as a First-Year During COVID-19

Wesleyan, Chinese Social Science Group Enter Into Scholarly Partnership | News @ Wesleyan

Okay, here’s the deal. We all know that the only sure-fire way to make friends— that is, bonding at a party whilst drunk — is currently, shall we say, an unavailable option to the first-year class. In light of this unfortunate development, the Wesleyan Class of ’24 (myself included) has been forced to get a little creative. Some of these endeavors have been entirely successful! Others have…not gotten the desired result. So, if you’re one of the people out there (honestly, even if you’re not a first-year! Transfers! Lonely upperclassmen! What have you!) and you’re not entirely sure how to navigate the whole I-don’t-want-to-go-insane-alone-in-quarantine situation, look no further! I can help you out with all your innovative friend-making needs; the tried-and-true methods as well as the tried-and-epically-failed ones.