Author Archives: Braille


As the bounty of summer reaches its zenith, the Long Lane (farm)ers invite you to another potluck on the farm.
Tonight. 7 PM.
Please bring a dish to share and instruments, culinary and musical.


We’ll Clean Your Fridge Out!

Short on time, long on now-unneeded provisions? YOU DO REALIZE WASTE IS A SIN, RIGHT? We’ll clean out your fridge! Or you can bag up food items to be picked up at your convenience. Any unopened containers of food will be donated to Food Not Bombs or the Food Pantry.

What To Do:
Email aberrick(at)gmail(dot)com and/or call  (774) 722-1887.

Festival Atmosphere

I fully expect some intrepid journalist to station themselves on the roof of Judd in the next half an hour with a suitable video recording device to adequately document the much-anticipated plume of joy. Love from afar!

Tour de Franzia’s Disciplinary Aftermath: The Unfairest Thing Ever

TL;DR : Institutional Justice: Make Facebook Group -> Get Fined $2000

The “organizers” of Tour de Franzia have been fined $2000 by the University.
Somehow, while providing neither a venue or a single drop of alcohol, their creation of a Facebook event is grounds for being held liable for both any damage at all that occurs on campus the evening of the event and also the reckless endangerment of the 900-odd people who ended up clicking the “Attending” button. The fact that this event happens every year regardless of who ends up picking a day for it to occur, along with the fact that this year’s group went out of their way to discourage the attendance of the underage(they even encouraged us to pick up boxes for chrissakes), seem utterly lost on the disciplinary apparatus of the University.

The notion of community responsibility embodied in this decision is beyond fucked — individuals are responsible for the actions of vast swaths of their peers? Half the student body “behaves irresponsibly” with regards to community standards and yet 5 people are held absolutely responsible? How can it be proven that any damages that may have occurred that night had any connection whatsoever with the Tour?  If Michael Roth threw a party that I and 900 of my friends showed up to and proceeded to trash, could we run wild with full knowledge that in the end he would be the one on the hook for our actions? What about if he just talked about throwing a party?

What kind of judicial body, given this glaring absence of any  coherent framework of responsibility, could render unequivocally under it a verdict this ridiculously disporportional against the students? Certainly not the SJB?!?!?! .. Actually, certainly not the SJB. The administration, perhaps rightly suspecting that any judicial body composed of students would have necessarily included in its ranks at least a few participants in the Tour, opted to defer prosecution of this case until the student members of the SJB were removed from power. Rather than being judged by a jury of their peers, the students responsible for the brutal and shocking crime of creating a Facebook event were tried and sentenced by a team of administrators.

Now what? Well, if the residents of 1 Pearl Place can’t scrape together $2000, they don’t get their diplomas. If you can, please give them money — they’re asking for donations of $5 per person. If you happen to be a rich alum who cares about the vitality of the undergrad experience, you might consider helping them out with considerably more. Its sad to leave Wesleyan with such a bitter taste in one’s mouth towards the administration — I know these assholes are very soon going to start asking me for money. Nostalgia for the fun, sometimes raucous memories of college are a great and oft-deployed fundraising tool… The institutional logic too often seems willing to foreground and capitalize upon the bawdy times of yore in the pursuit of money on the one hand while on the other it does its damnedest to strangle the life out of any and all of today’s campus bacchanalia.

PleasePLEASEpleasePLEASE, especially if you attended Tour de Franzia and (think you may have) had a good time, spare a few bucks for our brave scapegoats. (email sbernard@wes for dollaz-takins)

The Skinny on Fat Stacks o’ Library Books

If you’re a senior reading this and you have library books out, you have already been fined $85 per book. For some of us, that number is aggregated into a whole shit ton of money by our rectalinear ghost-mountains of shit we will now never read.


Wait until monday or tuesday, go into the library and speak with the people in the circulation office – they will accept your returns, clear your thousand-dollar book-debt and send you merrily on your way. I repeat, the fines have already been levied, but if you return the books IN PERSON, you can get them easily rescinded.

word, now where’s the goddamned mint julep factory up in this motherfucker?

How to make the world a better place

Yup. (thx, internet)


The Sun Rises on Finals Week: The CaffeineSpice Must Flow

Is anyone “organizing” a primal scream soon?

OP-ED RANT SECTION: Dear University, I realize that you are a metabolism that cannot live without a certain surplus of money flowing through your coffers circulatory systems, and that to this end you have deemed it necessary to rape our pocketbooks by forcing us to buy institute mandatory meal plans so that you can profit by both offering food at far above cost and collecting the value of our unused points. However: I just realized that I face extremely high and, on balance, probably situationally insurmountable hurdles for eating breakfast during this week, my last at this institution. I have no remaining points, and I have neither sufficient money to pay your inflated prices for food nor the time to cook for myself nor the gumption to mission impossible past the profit gargoyles into the bowels of your deeply mediocre dining establishment. May I egotistically humbly suggest on behalf of my peers that you consider offering FREE BREAKFAST DURING FINALS WEEK IN COMPENSATION FOR THERE NOT BEING A REAL READING WEEK ANY LONGER DUE TO YOUR PREVIOUSLY-MENTIONED BENJAMINZ-(GR/N)EED. I would really appreciate it and spend more time and energy focusing on my academic career and less on the gnawing absence in my stomach. kthxpeace

EDIT: Another points-broke senior and I went to Usdan and, not wanting to come to body-blows with some reluctant bouncer over our fauxcash poverty, decided to panhandle food from  passing underclassmen who, we hoped, would have surplus meals. We found several who were willing to help us, who indeed had many leftover meals, but all were completely unable to come to our aid due to a lack of “GUEST MEAL POINTS” —> what kind of faceless,  sustenance-hating six-figure-bureau-lamprey inflicted this stomach-impaling policy upon our younger peers? We sated our bellies with handfuls of saltines and grasshoppers, but our hearts still burn with hunger for the bitter entrails of this heartless wretch.


(obviously just jealous of whatshername’s pet flamewar and dreaming that if I shoot for a more institutionally stratospheric den of villainy and conspiratorial evil I will get to make a lot of posts about it and stuff and be cool. don’t judge me.)