This is an update of fran’s post.
Good luck getting one of those coveted library desk jobs tho lol
This is part of our 2021 Unofficial Orientation Series. A quick reminder that you can check out the welcome post here and past years’ series here.
Looking for a job? Here are some tips on where to look, who to ask, and the logistics of being a student employee.
So you’re a first year in the Spring of 2021. By this point in the year you’re pretty sure you’ve got the hang of Wesleyan’s campus culture; You’ve run into your fair share of “WestCo boys”, your mom has told you that she thinks your sense of style has changed for the worse, and you know where Fountain is (though you’ve yet to be asked in a packed and sweaty Pine Palace , “WHO DO YOU KNOW HERE?!?”)
But then that upperclassman you follow started plastering their Wes email all over their social media. And at first you thought, “No one cares.” But then came the masses. And you’ll admit, you’re a little curious.
Well, sweet first year, be a little curious no more! Let me tell you allll the ins and outs of Wescam, one of Wesleyan’s best traditions, four weeks after it went live. lol.
You sexy, sexy supermarket.
My Dearest Weshop,
You are the jewel of Middletown, the exemplar of goodness, the light of my life. You’re not like other campus supermarkets: You have personality. You’re so smart and funny! You mean so much to me.
We’ve shared so many moments together. Remember all those times I stopped by to buy an Arizona Iced Tea? And there was that one time I bought vanilla extract for like, 15 points. All for you. I love you, Weshop.
I’ve given you so much. (Because I’m a nice guy!) But now I hope you’ll help me. Because if you want to take this obsessive, parasocial relationship to the next level, there’s just one thing I want from you…
Duh
How is it that Spooky Season is upon us??? Wasn’t it just April????
Just like every fucking other thing in our lives, Halloween is going to look a bit different this year. Gone is the opportunity to wear lingerie and call it a costume while walking around in sub-thirty degree weather, and chasing a shot down with fun sized candy bars loses a bit of its luster when you can only do it alone in your dorm.
Wesleying to the rescue! As we have in years past, we’re giving you the opportunity to showcase your Halloween lewks! Submit a picture of your costume here, and then we’ll feature you in a post later in the week. Bonus points if your costume is… topical to the current situation, or if you find a clever way to incorporate your mask. Socially distant/COVID-podded costumes also welcome!
When I first told people that I had decided on Wesleyan (and then explained to them what/where Wesleyan is, I swear to god, nobody has ever heard of this school), they would say “Oh wow, fall is going to be so beautiful up there! You’re so lucky!” I entered my freshman year with a fervent anticipation of the legendary New England Autumn. I allowed myself to get swept up in the hype and the beautiful foliage. But now, in my junior year, I’m at home for the semester, and I can say definitively that New England fall actually SUCKS.
We’ve all seen them. We’ve all talked about them. We’ve even written about them. Wesleyan’s black squirrel population is a source of pride, fear, and gossip for the student body. Despite their fame, we have never known the true origin story of the black squirrel. Until now. Just last year, a team of scientists from the UK and America published their study on the biological source behind this unique coloration. I’ve compiled all the important information below the cut, but I’ll give you a sneak peek here: it’s because these squirrels fuck.
Imagine: it’s the middle of the Fall 2020 semester. Corona continues to terrorize the nation. The most important election of our lives is on the horizon. The line for Wesshop wraps around the building. Due to all this strife, one important thing slips under the radar: the points calculator.
It’s October, all of a sudden you’ve become worried that you’ve gone to Swings one too many times. You go to Wesleying to check and yet… the calculator is out of date. How can you possibly figure out if you’ll manage to be fed up until Thanksgiving??? Do the math yourself? Never!!!
It’s Spring 2021. America never took COVID seriously, so quarantine is now the normal way of life. You desperately need to go to Wesshop; your food stores are running low and your roommate is looking at you a little too hungrily. But when you go to the points calculator, the words SPRING 2020 mock you.
It’s 2022. In his second term, Trump was overthrown by Amazon, emboldened by increased tax breaks and a lust for power. You want to know how many points you have left before you go to the all-new-Amazon-Fresh-run Usdan Cafe. You don’t want to leave your room too often; Bezo’s drones are always watching. But the calculator continues to give you an error.
It’s 20??. As you wander through the wasteland, the thought of a Chai Charger floats through your radiation-addled mind. If only you knew if you could afford it this week… if only… if only the Wesleying editors had remembered…
But none of that’s going to happen because we did remember. You can calculate exactly how many points and meals you can spend each day for the rest of the semester by going to the link at the top of the website. You’re welcome.
This is a part of our 2020 Unofficial Orientation series. Find the rest of the posts here.
So, you’re coming back to campus. “Things are going to look a little different this year,” or so you may have heard. Five months ago, in March, physically returning to Wesleyan felt like both an impossibility and the Only Thing to look forward to for the rest of the year. Now, two-thirds of the way through August, it’s become a little more possible. But also, like, a lot more different. As upperclassmen, it is our ethical duty to tell you about every single college experience you’ll ever have before you get to actually have it. But tbh, even we are not fully sure what this fall is gonna look like. Lucky for you, I completed the Moodle course, read the WSA handouts, and skimmed Roth’s letters.
Here’s what we DO know:
Read on for the full email:
For the the past three years, the program house Ubuntu has resided at 34 Lawn Ave. Yet despite a petition to ResLife with over 1,900 signatures, Ubuntu will not be returning in the 2020-21 year.
