Category Archives: Featured

Procrastination Destination: Spotify Songs with Zero Listens

I just listened to a song by a man named Raymond Froggatt. He will probably be happy to see his name appear in a Google Alert after this post is published. His song, “Stay with Me” had 0 plays on Spotify before I listened to it.

The song can be described as Wiggles-rock meets Usdan Thanksgiving live music act. Here’s a sample of the lyrics:

“And I can see
A light through the dark
In your loving ways

No confusion in this rhyme
No confusion in our time
At least, well, not in mine”

Transfers! We’re like freshmen but can do laundry!

We finally got that snow everyone’s been telling us about since we decided to go to school in New England

In less than a week, my first semester at Wes will come to an end. It’s an accomplishment that a lot of students are facing. But for some of us, the transfer kids, this is the second time our first semester at a school will end.

The transfer process sucks. It’s a little bit like senior year of high school but this time you’re really sad all the time. We each went to our first school with a goal of finding a home for ourself and thriving and having the time of our life and LOL we were so dumb. Those original plans didn’t work out too well, so we left to try again.

The transition is difficult for transfer students. It’s scary coming to a new school knowing that the first time around didn’t work out. What if it happens again? What if it wasn’t the school? What if it’s just me?

Procrastination Destination: The bear attack scene from The Revenant

CW: gore, violence

Remember the time Leonardo DiCaprio died in the freezing ocean? Or maybe the time he entered a dream within a dream within a dream? Cool moments, right?

Wrong. Not compared to this. None of those Leo moments even come close to his best performance of all: the time he got attacked by a massive CGI grizzly bear for literally four minutes straight.

Four minutes.

Imagine something that takes less time than four minutes. Now imagine a different thing (I’m sure that first thing will improve). It seriously blows my mind that the director chose to spend that much time on this scene. It is just an absurdly unnecessary amount of bear attack.

And it is such a strange scene because the bear attack happens three separate times. When you watch the video be sure to note the timestamp at which the bear attack should have ended. That’s right. It’s at ninety two seconds. There is an extra two and half minutes for the bear to come back and put in the work. And then it does. Twice!

It just adds nothing to the movie, and maybe that’s why I love it so much. It’s such an honest moment of BS spectacle that exists because they had the money and the actor capable of grunting so well. I’d like to think I’d create something similar with those resources.

So, yeah, watch the best four minutes in movie history after you inevitably get eliminated from tonight’s HQ because airwes lags and screws your chances at $1,500 divided evenly amongst 1,600 people.

Procrastination Destination: Wikipedia Racing

We’re almost at finals week, which means it’s time for Wesleying’s biannual Procrastination Destination feature. If you’re like me, you’re probably wondering why you haven’t started studying yet. You should probably start studying… But if you need a good study break, you might as well procrastinate while learning new things.

So on that note, let me introduce you to Wikipedia Racing!

There are two forms of the game that you can play. The first version of the game is something that you play with your friends. The rules are simple:

  1. Choose an article to start on, and an article to end on. (For example, start on Justin Bieber, end on candy canes)
  2. You have to get from the first article to the destination article by only clicking on links within the wikipedia articles.
  3. First person to get to the ending article wins!
  4. For an extra challenge, you can add rules like no using the back button, or you can’t click through the United States (hot wikipedia racing tip, you can get to almost anything from the United States Wikipedia article). You can also change the rules and say that the person who finds the shortest path to the destination article wins, regardless of how long it takes. You can really add any rules you want to, it’s a very flexible game.

Using the example I gave before (Justin Bieber to candy canes), here is a demonstration of how Wikipedia racing works.

Justin Bieber –> Under the Mistletoe –> Christmas Music –> Christmas –> Candy Canes

That was a pretty easy example, but you can do some really weird ones, like Limes to the Treaty of Versailles, or Las Meninas to Wesleyan University. Maybe you can trick yourself into feeling like you are studying by choosing topics for the start/end articles that are related to your work. If you are having trouble thinking of articles, try the random Wikipedia article generator.

As for the other version of Wikipedia Racing, maybe you want to procrastinate alone in the library, or you don’t want your friends to see you avoiding your work. Fear not! There is also an antisocial version of Wikipedia Racing that you can play online. The online version of the game decides the start and end articles for you (you can’t even pretend like you are studying), but it is still a great way to avoid your work.

LIVEBLOG: Eclectic Community Forum

We’re liveblogging tonight’s Eclectic Community Forum so that those who can’t attend know what’s being discussed in the meeting. Eclectic is reapplying for program housing status on Campus. Tonight’s forum will be co-hosted by the Undergraduate Residential Live Committee (URLC) and Eclectic members. Eclectic members will give a presentation and then the forum will be opened to the greater Wesleyan community.

Court Orders Wesleyan to Give DKE Access to 276 High Street

In perhaps the most momentous chapter of a saga dating back to the Fall of 2014, the Wesleyan chapter of DKE (Delta Kappa Epsilon) has just won another huge victory in its lawsuit against the university.

Just before 6PM today, President Roth sent out yet another email with the subject line reading “Campus Update.” This time, it was to inform us that a judge ruled that Wesleyan must allow DKE access to 276 High Street at the start of the Fall 2018. Three classes of students have never set foot in the fraternity, located directly across the street from President Roth’s house, but it may soon be open to undergraduates once more.

Wesleyan plans to file an appeal, but the exact path forward remains shrouded in mystery as of this evening. Read past the jump for the full email, and our key takeaways.

Usdan Jams: Pastability by Lorde

It was late for a Usdan night, approaching the 7:30 mark. The only people left getting dinner were the night owls, squinting in the bright Marketplace lights. It is at this time of night that Usdan becomes very simple; gone are the lines that make cheesesteak night or Pastabilites so urgent and the air has taken on a new tone. As the first blue notes of Lorde’s “Liability” flowed through my earbuds, it was matched with another sound:

“Go ahead!”

I looked up, and something clicked. How had I not seen it before? The signs were all too obvious. It had been hidden in plain sight. Somehow, somewhere, Lorde’s healing anthem was connected to Wesleyan’s own Pastabilities. And, since Pastabilities is Tom the Pastabilities Guy, somehow he and Lorde are connected.

“Go ahead!” I hadn’t realized it was my turn. I was too busy staring into Tom’s eyes, trying to figure out when/how he had hurt Lorde, or perhaps vice-versa. After apologizing profusely and getting my alfredo with white (sauce first, I wasn’t that distracted), I ate with haste and went back to my dorm to do my research, window shades down, glasses on.

Notable “Wesleyan” Alumni

According to the university’s website, “Wesleyan graduates are successful in every profession imaginable, including law, science, medicine, business, politics, and the creative arts. They are often leaders and innovators in their fields”. With all the recent focus on Lin-Manuel Miranda, we thought we’d shed some light on the other people who made the name “Wesleyan” famous.

Original Content Makers Must Seize the Memes of Production

We’re in a tough spot. Our age group has to deal with a melting planet, a thriving possum population, and a plethora of potential employers that expect us to know how to use Excel. That sucks for us sassy NESCAC kids. In spite of these obstacles, there is supposed to be a light in the dark, a city upon a hill, a beautiful beacon of hope: memes.

But, alas, Wesleyan’s meme culture is less than ideal. I would call it bad.

Physical Plant Flushes Bidet Dreams Down The Toilet

Talk about an unusual request. On November 8, Senior and Program Housing Area Coordinator Alexia Thompson sent out this email to seniors in woodframe houses:

Hello Residents,

Please see message below from physical plant.

Physical Plant has noticed that bidets have been installed in some of the woodframe bathrooms.  This is extremely problematic, as they can lead to plumbing problems, and possibly flooding and damage to your belongings.  If there is a reason you need a bidet, please submit your request to the office of accessibility services, and if approved, Physical Plant will professionally install one for you.  Thank you for your cooperation.

Naturally, that got us here at Wesleying asking the important journalistic questions, such as Who installed the bidet? and How “extreme” is “extremely problematic”?? So we went looking for answers.