When I first told people that I had decided on Wesleyan (and then explained to them what/where Wesleyan is, I swear to god, nobody has ever heard of this school), they would say “Oh wow, fall is going to be so beautiful up there! You’re so lucky!” I entered my freshman year with a fervent anticipation of the legendary New England Autumn. I allowed myself to get swept up in the hype and the beautiful foliage. But now, in my junior year, I’m at home for the semester, and I can say definitively that New England fall actually SUCKS.
1. Shrek – (obviously)
2. Mike Wazowski
3. The Geico Gecko – (Save 15% or more on car insurance?)
4. Gamora from Guardians of the Galaxy
5. Disgust from Inside Out – (quiet literally a mood)
6. Larry the Cucumber from Veggie Tales – For your viewing pleasure
7. Oscar the Grouch – “You’d be a grouch, too, if you lived in a trash can!”
8. The aliens from Toy Story that say “the clawwwww”
9. The Hulk (not bruce banner) – Spoiler alert his secret is that he’s always angry
10. The Green M&M – iykyk
11. Wicked Witch of the West/Elphaba
12. Kermit the Frog – Brings light to the difficulties of being green in this economy
12. Rex from Toy Story – “I don’t like confrontations!”
14. The Grinch
15. Yoda – “There is no try”
17. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – I honestly dk
18. Toad from Frog and Toad
19. The Green Care Bear
20. The Green Giant
We’ve all seen them. We’ve all talked about them. We’ve even written about them. Wesleyan’s black squirrel population is a source of pride, fear, and gossip for the student body. Despite their fame, we have never known the true origin story of the black squirrel. Until now. Just last year, a team of scientists from the UK and America published their study on the biological source behind this unique coloration. I’ve compiled all the important information below the cut, but I’ll give you a sneak peek here: it’s because these squirrels fuck.
Imagine: it’s the middle of the Fall 2020 semester. Corona continues to terrorize the nation. The most important election of our lives is on the horizon. The line for Wesshop wraps around the building. Due to all this strife, one important thing slips under the radar: the points calculator.
It’s October, all of a sudden you’ve become worried that you’ve gone to Swings one too many times. You go to Wesleying to check and yet… the calculator is out of date. How can you possibly figure out if you’ll manage to be fed up until Thanksgiving??? Do the math yourself? Never!!!
It’s Spring 2021. America never took COVID seriously, so quarantine is now the normal way of life. You desperately need to go to Wesshop; your food stores are running low and your roommate is looking at you a little too hungrily. But when you go to the points calculator, the words SPRING 2020 mock you.
It’s 2022. In his second term, Trump was overthrown by Amazon, emboldened by increased tax breaks and a lust for power. You want to know how many points you have left before you go to the all-new-Amazon-Fresh-run Usdan Cafe. You don’t want to leave your room too often; Bezo’s drones are always watching. But the calculator continues to give you an error.
It’s 20??. As you wander through the wasteland, the thought of a Chai Charger floats through your radiation-addled mind. If only you knew if you could afford it this week… if only… if only the Wesleying editors had remembered…
But none of that’s going to happen because we did remember. You can calculate exactly how many points and meals you can spend each day for the rest of the semester by going to the link at the top of the website. You’re welcome.
Hello and welcome to Unofficial Orientation 2020! To the class of 2024, we know that coronavirus isn’t exactly bringing the ~energy~ that you were expecting from your freshman year. But fear not! Wesleying will be providing our usual quality, emphatic, and Wesleyan-related content despite all of the world’s apocalyptic chaos. However, just like every other aspect of the upcoming school year, the structure of our Unofficial Orientation series is going to look a little different.
In addition to individually posting each Unofficial Orientation article on everything you need to know about being a Frosh, we are going to put the links to these articles together on this post so that you can find all the important 2020 info in one place. This year has been tough enough already, and we don’t want to make things any harder than they need to be. Some of these articles will be the same as last year, but many of them will be updated according to covid-19 guidelines and how Wesleyan is dealing with the pandemic as a whole. It will be pretty obvious which posts have that special coronavirus flare.
We are also writing brand new articles that pertain to Wesleyan student life that we think are important for all four years of your Wesleyan experience. These are hopefully on topics that are useful with or without global pandemics.
Even though we are facing a lot of changes in 2020, we are still so excited to introduce you to our community and can’t wait to see you virtually or on campus soon!
Life in the Time of Coronavirus
Dorm Living FAQ
What to Pack
First Year Classes
Drop/add Tips and Tricks
Financial Aid/Paying Bills
Social Media Directory
Stay tuned for the links to Part 2!
Jobs and Work/study
Getting from here to there and back again
Student Identity Groups
Five months have passed since we published a three-part article alongside alumnae from the women’s cross country team exposing the toxic culture they experienced during their time with Head Coach John Crooke. Today the story was brought to new attention when it was published in the New York Times.
Immediately after our article was published on March 2nd an investigation was opened and Crooke was placed on leave. Michael Roth ’78 sent out the following all-campus email:
For the the past three years, the program house Ubuntu has resided at 34 Lawn Ave. Yet despite a petition to ResLife with over 1,900 signatures, Ubuntu will not be returning in the 2020-21 year.
Mayor Ben Florsheim ’14, presumably still riding that high of eking out that election victory in November, is treating himself to a shiny new toy… by approving a $70,000 budget increase to the Middletown Police Department?
Not sure this is the one, friend.
Since George Floyd’s death just two weeks ago on May 25th, an outraged America (and world) took to the streets in an outcry against the racism that remains deeply ingrained in American society. Through protests, which in parts of the country have escalated to the point of violence, people are attempting to have their voices heard in a system that refuses to acknowledge them. In this article, Wesleying collects some of the responses from the Wesleyan community, both from students and the administration so that voices can continue to be heard today and in the future as we fight to make our country better for everyone living in it.
Up next is Sivan Piatigorsky-Roth with a graphic memoir of their own. Keep reading below the break to learn about Sivan’s topic, their advice to future thesis writers, and a warning to people who destroy thesis carrels.