Category Archives: Featured

Local Freshmen Have Emotional Crisis

As the semester nears its end, several local freshmen are coming to the realization that college may not, in fact, be the best time of their lives. This revelation has caused multiple Usdan meltdowns and many failed attempts to drink away reality.

“Everyone has told me my entire life that college will be so fun and I’ll make so many friends and go to so many parties” said A ‘23, who chose to remain anonymous due to the embarrassing fact that she only has two friends, “But like, parties can be gross? I’m too scared to admit to all the adults at home who keep asking if I’m having ‘fun’ that I don’t actually like the taste of beer.” 

 “Man, when I got recruited, I was so ready to be done with high school and just go play lacrosse all day for the Cards” admits Chad McBroson ‘23 “Nobody told me I still had to go to classes and stuff in college! Sometimes I even have to limit my beer pong to one game and then go study and shit. It’s whack.”

Other students have voiced concerns about issues including not meeting the loves of their lives, not discovering themselves, actually missing home and their families a little bit, and not having figured out their “calling” yet. Wesleying suggests that they all just suck it up and lie about all of it like the rest of us. 

The Prognostication of Ben Florsheim’s Senior Thesis

Wesleyan ‘14 graduate Ben Florsheim was recently elected as the Mayor of Middletown, thanks to a successful grassroots campaign and good taste in white button-downs. Going up against former Middletown mayor Seb Giuliano, no one could have predicted Ben’s underdog win- no one, that is, except Ben Florsheim circa 2014.

In his senior thesis “The Trail: A Dramatic Series” (recently uncovered by Sophie Elwood ’20), Ben Florsheim created an entirely fictional television pilot about a Connecticut mayoral race, that bears no similarities whatsoever to actual events that happened just 5 years later. It should be said that “The Trail” is not like other girls. Florsheim decries The West Wing, Scandal, and Veep for being unrealistic, and instead wants to recreate the gritty realism of The Wire. Per Florsheim, “Its aims… are for grit over polish and for depth, breadth, and a clear link to reality over snappy, self-contained storylines.”

And, much like The Wire, The Trail features an all-white cast and takes place on the mean streets of Central Connecticut. Its protagonist is the entirely fictional “Dan Singer”, a 29-year-old Democratic candidate for mayor of the entirely fictional “Middleburgh, Connecticut”.

Michael Roth, Protest, and Free Speech (Part 1 of 2)

 

Many students, myself included, feel that Roth’s advocacy and authority on free speech and campus protest do not line up in reality given his record of activity concerning these topics at Wesleyan, using his perceived advocacy to both profit himself (such as the release of a book that addresses his advocacy for his brand of free speech), as well as Wesleyan itself. Let’s take a look at his and Wesleyan’s record in recent times.

Leaked Documents Reveal New Information on Potential China Campus

Wesleying has obtained access to documents concerning the University’s announcement that it is considering establishing a campus in Hengdian, China. These documents were sent to Wesleying by a student source, and the validity of the documents have been confirmed by the University. 

These documents include a presentation made by the University outlining the motivations behind the joint venture with Hengdian Group, the Chinese corporation that would partner with the University, the costs and benefits of opening the campus, and the financial opportunities associated with the venture. The University seems to still be in the preliminary planning process, and as far as we know, the Hengdian joint venture proposal has not resulted in any concrete commitments as of yet.

The second document included here is a draft presentation by Ernst & Young-Parthenon, a strategy consulting company, detailing the University’s performance in the higher education market. Parthenon, which joined EY in 2014, has been advising in the education industry since 1991.

The last document included here is an email from Heather Brooke, Administrative Assistant to the President, to the members of the Board (presumably the Board of Trustees) sent on September 10, 2019. She mentions that Jeffrey A. Sonnenfeld, a dean at the Yale School of Management, would be presenting during the first session of the retreat. She directs the email recipients to a series of news articles that Mr. Sonnenfeld had sent along for review prior to the retreat. The materials include an article in the New York Times titled “Don’t Dismiss ‘Safe Spaces’”, “The Coddling of the American Mind” from The Atlantic, and “How Megadonors Could Rescue America’s Universities” from Fortune.

The release of these documents exemplifies a unique instance where we can observe the inner workings of the Administration’s mindset as it looks towards the future. The Hengdian presentation tells us about the University’s interests and goals in regards to this particular venture. Perhaps of greater importance, the EY-Parthenon presentation opens the door to an entirely different conversation, and provides some context as to why the University is considering pursuing the Hengdian campus in the first place.

The EY-Parthenon presentation describes the challenges facing higher education across the board. The information included in the presentation is in some respects unprecedented; it tells us a lot more than what American universities might currently be willing to reveal when it comes to the challenges that they are perceiving in a rapidly evolving world.

In publishing these documents, Wesleying’s main priority is to ensure that the entire Wesleyan community has equal access to information concerning the challenges the University is facing as it sets its sights on future growth. The Hengdian campus proposal seems to be just one example of potentially many new ventures the University will be pursuing in the coming years.

Four documents are included at the bottom of this post. The first is the original Hengdian proposal presentation. The second is an updated version that was presented to faculty on October 15th, 2019. The third is a draft copy of the EY-Parthenon presentation. The last document is Ms. Brooke’s email to the board.

Hit the jump for a summary of the documents.

 

Summies Noodle Bowl: Mixed Opinions

Description:

According to Menu: vegan broth with dried shiitake mushroom, ginger, soy, and kombu with baby bok choy, steamed egg, chilis, scallions, nori, and rice noodles served with your choice of pork belly or tofu

In Reality: half-decent broth with some mushrooms, scallions, bok choy, and a hard-boiled egg served with mostly cooked noodles

Review:

The first time I tried the noodle bowl, I was quite disappointed. It was pretty much ramen with a couple of toppings.  The best part was the sweet potatoes fries that came with the meal swipe (well, it was an additional 1.5 points, but they are worth it). The broth is salty, which for me is a plus but for others is a turnoff.  I liked the bok choy, mushrooms, and the eggs; they were a nice addition to the basic ramen.  However, overall, I was not too happy with the results and as a college student with limited meal swipes, thought that it was a waste of a swipe. Afterall, I could make ramen in my dorm for fifty cents and the only con would be the lack of mediocre veggies and soggy protein (both the egg and the tofu).

A week later, I went to Summies and was obviously not getting the noodle bowl, but my friend did. I got the vegan burger (which is an entire separate review in it of itself), and surprisingly, I was envious of my friend with the noodle bowl.  On the one hand, my meal was right on the cusp of edible, so that helped put the noodle bowl in good light.  But I gave it more thought, and upon reflection (as my rage and disappointment wore off and were no longer factors of bias), the noodle bowl wasn’t actually that bad. I mean, there is a reason why everyone loves ramen, and Summies just provided ramen with some extra amenities.

In conclusion, the noodle bowl is worth trying, but don’t expect too much from it. And get a good side so you have something to look forward to/distract you from the fact that you just used a limited meal swipe.

 

 

Clearly my friends enjoyed it…

 

 

Hong Kong Protest Panel: A Test For The Wesleyan Community

“This is why we are at a University,” Prof. Mary Alice Haddad, Chair of CEAS, prefaced at the panel on the Hong Kong protests, which featured Hong Kong students Joy Ming King ‘20, Bryan Chong ‘21, Jeff Cheung ‘21, and Shirmai Chung ‘20. Because similar events have caused unrest and violence on other school campuses worldwide, Prof. Haddad saw this panel as a test for Wesleyan; hoping that we can discuss the Hong Kong protests and equally important topics with mutual respect and awareness.

She drew particular attention to two posters in the High Rise elevator, which were defaced on two separate occasions in the couple of days leading up to the panel. Someone had taken the effort to put “China” next to “Hong Kong” at the end of each panelist’s name and later returned to put the word “gay” next to where “China” had been.

Chong responded civilly and hopefully in a WesAdmits 2022 post that took the high road, writing:

This level of insensitivity and disrespect is disappointing, but not by any means shocking. With every political movement comes discourse, often caustically worded out of anger or ignorance. While we cannot and should not agree on everything, we must be mindful of the manner in which we approach such issues, and the defacing of the posters violates a baseline understanding of respect. The panel began with a brief summary of Hong Kong’s history (which you can read more about in Argus articles 1, 2, and 3) by Prof. Haddad, which was followed by a sincere plea from Prof. Huang, CEAS, for the audience to patiently listen to the panelists’ narratives. 

The Ultimate Mac and Cheese Cup Review

The Contenders

College is the time in your life for shit food. You’re in a place where you can’t really cook for yourself, but you also don’t have anyone there to cook for you anymore. But just because you have to eat shit food doesn’t mean you don’t deserve the best shit food. And that, dear reader, is where I come in. For your sake, I have taken on the burden of trying all of Weshop’s microwavable mac and cheese cups to definitively determine which one is the best. I chose this specific combination of salt and carbs because it’s one of my favorite shit food options, and what is a more quintessential college food that microwave mac and cheese? (Yes, I know, RAMEN, but if I tried every ramen option at Weshop I would have a heart attack and die from all the sodium so I’m not doing that. Yet.) Each mac will cooked and tasted, then rated via the following criteria:

Ease of Preparation: How many steps are involved in cooking it, and how difficult is it? Could you make it while inebriated? 

Mouthfeel: How is the pasta texture? Does the sauce have a good consistency?

Cheesiness: This one doesn’t need much explanation

Bang for yer Buck: Does it feel like you’re getting a full meal out of this cup? Is the Weshop price reasonable for what you get? 

General Vibes: Just the feeling I’m getting from it, y’know?

In the end, only one will reign supreme. But who will it be? The answer lies under the cut.