Category Archives: Featured

Procrastination Destination: le memes

Ya like memes?

So.

You like memes, do you? Even when you should be working on finals?

Well, have all the memes in the world!

 

Procrastination Destination: What I Watched Between 10:00pm and 4:00am Last Night

Welcome to the first installment of Procrastination Destination, where Wesleying provides you with #content to get you through finals.

How a man of culture spends his time…

You know when you go see a play, have a good time, then return to your dorm room at 9:45pm, planning to go to bed early to recharge for finals week like a responsible person? Ya, me neither. [Screams internally.]

I spent five blurry hours yesterday watching YouTube. I went to bed at 4:23am. When I woke up at 11:30 the next morning, I looked at my browsing history. And boy, lemme tell you, I found some real gems!

So for today’s edition of “procrastination destination,” I thought I’d show you the highlights from my slow decent into tastelessness.

Tip Box 12/4: An Ode to the Chamber Music Concert

#chamber #music #rocks

As I was perusing the tip box responses in our staff inbox with @fos over lunch today, I stumbled across a rather charming ode* to the Chamber Music Performance in Crowell from two Tuesday’s ago. The review was written with love and gusto, and is possibly the most eloquent piece I have had the pleasure to read during my time at Wesleyan. Whether you have been desperately awaiting a recap of this dazzling performance, or you’ve found yourself with some extra time on your hands, this is definitely worth a read. We recommend you read this piece in Professor Andrew Szegedy-Maszak‘s** voice while cuddled up with a blanket, a steaming cup of hot cocoa, and your cat.

Guest Post: In the Heights with the Whites– White Students in POC Spaces

This past weekend, from November 21-23, 2019, the musical In The Heights returned to campus after a 20 year hiatus. The show, originally written by Lin-Manuel Miranda ’02, featured an entirely POC cast, and was directed by Milton Espinoza Jr. ’22. Demand for the show was incredibly high, and each of the Eventbrite ticket sales (twice a day, once at 12:15p and one at 5:00p) sold out in under 15 seconds. The following is a guest post written by Ricardo Vega ’21 on the events that went down this past weekend.

Michael Roth, Protest, and Free Speech (Part 2 of 2)

This is Part 2 of a two-part article. Read the first part here.

Activism is used by Wesleyan as a means of advertisement, made into a commodity

Spring 2019 – Police Reports

Police reports from April 11th

According to Middletown Police reports, Public Safety called the police on April 11th not once, but twice, once at 9:17 AM, and again at 2:16 PM, with no actual presence from the police occurring for the first call.

Local Freshmen Have Emotional Crisis

As the semester nears its end, several local freshmen are coming to the realization that college may not, in fact, be the best time of their lives. This revelation has caused multiple Usdan meltdowns and many failed attempts to drink away reality.

“Everyone has told me my entire life that college will be so fun and I’ll make so many friends and go to so many parties” said A ‘23, who chose to remain anonymous due to the embarrassing fact that she only has two friends, “But like, parties can be gross? I’m too scared to admit to all the adults at home who keep asking if I’m having ‘fun’ that I don’t actually like the taste of beer.” 

 “Man, when I got recruited, I was so ready to be done with high school and just go play lacrosse all day for the Cards” admits Chad McBroson ‘23 “Nobody told me I still had to go to classes and stuff in college! Sometimes I even have to limit my beer pong to one game and then go study and shit. It’s whack.”

Other students have voiced concerns about issues including not meeting the loves of their lives, not discovering themselves, actually missing home and their families a little bit, and not having figured out their “calling” yet. Wesleying suggests that they all just suck it up and lie about all of it like the rest of us. 

The Prognostication of Ben Florsheim’s Senior Thesis

Wesleyan ‘14 graduate Ben Florsheim was recently elected as the Mayor of Middletown, thanks to a successful grassroots campaign and good taste in white button-downs. Going up against former Middletown mayor Seb Giuliano, no one could have predicted Ben’s underdog win- no one, that is, except Ben Florsheim circa 2014.

In his senior thesis “The Trail: A Dramatic Series” (recently uncovered by Sophie Elwood ’20), Ben Florsheim created an entirely fictional television pilot about a Connecticut mayoral race, that bears no similarities whatsoever to actual events that happened just 5 years later. It should be said that “The Trail” is not like other girls. Florsheim decries The West Wing, Scandal, and Veep for being unrealistic, and instead wants to recreate the gritty realism of The Wire. Per Florsheim, “Its aims… are for grit over polish and for depth, breadth, and a clear link to reality over snappy, self-contained storylines.”

And, much like The Wire, The Trail features an all-white cast and takes place on the mean streets of Central Connecticut. Its protagonist is the entirely fictional “Dan Singer”, a 29-year-old Democratic candidate for mayor of the entirely fictional “Middleburgh, Connecticut”.

Michael Roth, Protest, and Free Speech (Part 1 of 2)

 

Many students, myself included, feel that Roth’s advocacy and authority on free speech and campus protest do not line up in reality given his record of activity concerning these topics at Wesleyan, using his perceived advocacy to both profit himself (such as the release of a book that addresses his advocacy for his brand of free speech), as well as Wesleyan itself. Let’s take a look at his and Wesleyan’s record in recent times.