“A lot of times, people don’t know what they want until you show it to them.” -Steve Jobs (1998)
In the YouTube debut of esteemed Wesleyan alums Russell Goldman ’17 and Johnny LaZebnik ’16, we are introduced to Cummies®: “the world’s first ever jizz-flavored vitamin chew”.
The testimonials in this parody infomercial leave you with some pleasant mental images as to the accurate flavor of Cummies®. Lines describing the flavor include, “An almost empty glass of white wine with a little bit of ranch dressing plopped in”, “Three day old oyster water”, and “Black truffle that’s washed up under the Santa Monica Pier”.
The infomercial ends with an offer for a bonus bottle of Facielle by Cummies®, a lotion, and then a shot of Brent (played by Johnny) being splattered with the lotion in a rather suggestive way. Describing how many takes this shot took, Johnny said, “By the end, I looked like I’d just shot a bukake scene with 50 well-hydrated men.”
Watch after the jump:
I was undoubtedly excited when I walked into Summies for the first time in my life. It was a world of options, each one better than the next. But for me there was one that stuck out above all else: the Salmon Burger.
I personally love a good filet of salmon; the way each bite melts in your mouth, the superior flavor of this magical fish, and the feeling you get when this maritime candy leaves the fork and falls onto your tongue is coupled with little else in the world.
This might explain why the salmon burger looked so appealing. What could be better than mixing Poseidon’s wet dream with the gastronomic embodiment of the American dream? My mouth watered as I handed my WesCard to the cashier.
“Meals please.” My last words before I thought my world would be changed forever.
Now that we’re nearing the end of drop/add, you’ve probably had enough time to set up an eating routine, whether that’s anywhere from 0-2 Usdan meals a day or always getting takeout from Weswings or ordering all your food bulk and never leaving your house. And with co-op swipe day coming up soon I guess, it’s probably a good time to make sure you’re on track with your meal plan.
Wesleying’s Points Calculator is here to help! Just click on the meal plan you have, enter how many meals and/or points you have left, and it should tell you if you’re using more or less than a projected weekly value. Breaks aren’t counted by the bot, so you’ll have to budget for Fall break. You can check how many meals and points you have left here.
As always, if this points calc isn’t working, email staff[at]wesleying[dot]org to let us know. Happy eating!
STAR & CRESCENT RESTAURANT
Located at the Alpha Delta Phi House
DINNER- 5:00- 6:45
FIRST THREE FRESHMAN EAT FREE
DINNER- Greens w/ Creamy Cilantro Dressing. Chile & Lime Marinated, Grilled Shrimp or Roasted Tofu, Spanish Rice, Garlic Black Beans, Chipotle Salsa, Fried Tortilla Strips
DES- Chocolate & Cayenne Cake w/ Raspberry Coulis and Whipped Cream
LUNCH- Sautéed Corn, Spinach & Mushroom Ancho Mole Enchiladas w/ Chicken or Tofu
DES- Mango Yogurt
DINNER- Greens w/ Carrot Ginger Vin. Masaman Curry w/ Chicken or Tofu & Jasmine Rice
DES- Banana Cream Pie
LUNCH- Grilled Flank Steak or Portobello & Cheese on Focaccia w/ Roasted Sweet Onion & Pepper, Cheddar & American Cheese
DES- Strawberry & Banana Yogurt
DINNER- Greens w/ Balsamic Vin. Pesto Gemeli, (Fresh Basil, Toasted Pine Nuts, Parmesan, EVOO, Garlic) w/ Grilled Chicken or Tofu
DES- Berry Crisp w/ Whipped Cream
LUNCH- Corn & Poblano Chowder w/ or w/ out Bacon. Scallion & Smoked Paprika Garnish, Served w/ Herb Focaccia
DES- Oatmeal, Walnut, Chocolate Chip, Craisin Cookies
DINNER- Greens w/ Curry Dressing. Dal Saag w/ Basmati Rice & Garlic Naan
DES- Lemon Poppy Cake, Berry Coulis & Whipped Cream
This is a slightly updated repost of maya‘s repost. Please note: this is by no means an exhaustive list of eating options in Middletown, as this perfunctory Yelp search will show you. Feel free to add your own recommendations in the comments.
This is part of our 2017 Unofficial Orientation Series. A quick reminder that you can check out the welcome post here and past years’ series here.
Middletown has so many fantastic dining options that at first you might feel like this turtle: faced with an almost insurmountable mountain of deliciousness. Much like the above turtle, though, you’ve got to start somewhere. We’re here to give you a head start.
What better time than the end of the year to finally learn how to cook? Now is the time to try some fun new recipes as you clean out your kitchen, and the internet has lots of excellent tutorials that can help you sharpen your skills… or not. If you are looking for useful advice, today’s procrastination destination probably will not help you. But perhaps this collection of intentionally bad internet cooking tutorials will serve as good examples of what not to do. Read after the jump for more:
“Don’t take pictures of them. They won’t show up in the photo.”
What’s the easiest way to get Wes students to buy lemonade for a charitable cause? Recruit the Skull & Serpent, of course. Members of the semi-secret society teamed up with members of the Wesleyan Refugee Project this afternoon, selling lemonade outside of the ominous Tomb.
Fellow editor wilk received an invite to the lemonade stand in his inbox, and mistakingly thought at first that it was an invitation to join Skull & Serpent. (Better luck next time, buddy.) The message said there’d be a lemonade stand outside of the Tomb starting at 1:03pm (yes, really), and proceeds would be benefiting Integrated Refugee & Immigrant Services (IRIS).
I had class at 1:20, but on my way over I swung by this mysterious operation. Skull & Serpent members are never seen in their full costumes outside of the Tomb (apart from this shenanigans), let alone in broad daylight. If they were dying from heat exhaustion underneath those black robes and masks, they weren’t showing it. They also weren’t especially stoic, either; they chattered away at anyone who approached the stand, all of them masking their voices with what can only be described as a cross between a Blues Clues and a Mickey Mouse impression.
Apart from the lemonade stand that appeared outside Michael Roth’s office a few weeks ago (in protest of low-income students not receiving enough financial aid), this was the coolest one I’ve seen on campus. Honestly, the more lemonade stands at Wes in springtime, the better. Just…maybe don’t make all of them this demonic.
This Saturday at Long Lane, come celebrate spring in the warm weather!
Come out and smell the flowers from 12 to 4pm! There will be free veggie burgers and live music, as well as arts and crafts, a scavenger hunt, student groups and farm tours. Try your hand at potato planting, if you like, or decorate a pot and take home your own tomato plant.
Date: Saturday, April 29
Place: Long Lane Farm, 243 Long Lane (at the corner of Long Lane and Wadsworth St.)
Come practice your Spanish!!!
MESA DE ESPAÑOL PARA TODA LA COMUNIDAD DE WESLEYAN
Come and practice!
USDAN 2nd floor — Mink Dining hall (the quiet side)–the last table on right (against the far wall by the
Look for the sign on the wall.
Date: every weekday
Time: 12-1 PM
Place: a table on the Quiet Side, near the back
Cost: one meal swipe
Polyamorous? Interested in exploring an open relationship? Want to meet new friends and learn more about ethical non-monogamy?
Please join us for the Polyamorous Social, a social event for folks interested in polyamory and non-monogamy. This is an opportunity to learn more about these relationship styles, get advice and support, and make new friends and connections! Snacks will be provided.
Date: Thursday, March 2
Time: 7-9 PM
Place: Albritton 311