“A lot of times, people don’t know what they want until you show it to them.” -Steve Jobs (1998)
In the YouTube debut of esteemed Wesleyan alums Russell Goldman ’17 and Johnny LaZebnik ’16, we are introduced to Cummies®: “the world’s first ever jizz-flavored vitamin chew”.
The testimonials in this parody infomercial leave you with some pleasant mental images as to the accurate flavor of Cummies®. Lines describing the flavor include, “An almost empty glass of white wine with a little bit of ranch dressing plopped in”, “Three day old oyster water”, and “Black truffle that’s washed up under the Santa Monica Pier”.
The infomercial ends with an offer for a bonus bottle of Facielle by Cummies®, a lotion, and then a shot of Brent (played by Johnny) being splattered with the lotion in a rather suggestive way. Describing how many takes this shot took, Johnny said, “By the end, I looked like I’d just shot a bukake scene with 50 well-hydrated men.”
Watch after the jump:
This is it, folks, the last procrastination destination I will write for Wesleying. (Assuming, that is, that I keep my own procrastination in check enough to graduate…) Today’s procrastination destination is exemplary: completely useless, shockingly time-consuming, destructive, self-deprecating, and at times, oddly sweet. It’s also a truly collaborative effort: someone made a half hour compilation video of themself cutting various objects with a very hot knife, someone else captioned said video, someone else watched and then sent it to me, I watched the entire thing during finals last December, took screen shots of much of it and wrote this ridiculous post, and you, dear reader, are wasting time on the fruits of all of our labor. Read after the jump for many screenshots and a link to the original video.
My frosh year I was an overachiever and wrote two Procrastination Destination posts. According to the intro blurb of the first, I was, apparently, stressed about a government paper, which I just dug out of my files and turns out to have been about measured optimism re: a peaceful world. Now I am a jaded pessimist who thinks we should get our kicks where we can, even if that happens to be a hastily put together archive of the Internet’s sad, tackily-web-designed past. This Procrastination Destination is truly just a list of bad html websites I have seen at some point, badly formatted, with no commentary and no organization. Good luck on finals, folks. May you come as far as the internet has.
IT’S ABOUT TIME. The Subway Ride, the all-inclusive human expression magazine, is accepting submissions for our Fall’16 magazine and blog, and it is, indeed, about TIME. You know the rules, submit any work (anonymously or not) you have as long as you think it is respectful to others and is vaguely- or closely- related to our theme. Be creative!