“This guy gives me nightmares” – me
David Barton holding up a finger for each of his deep-seeded insecurities.
It’s not every day that a creationist utters the words “Wesleyan College.” But when they do (and you quickly fact check that they’re not talking about the REAL Wesleyan College in Macon, Georgia), you’re likely in for a hoot.
David Barton is a sad sad man. According to his website (which is really fugly by the way), he is the “Founder and President of WallBuilders, a national pro-family organization that presents America’s forgotten history and heroes, with an emphasis on our moral, religious and constitutional heritage.”
I am hyped up, off-campus, riding on the coattails of Friday the 13th… yet, somehow, I find myself typing on Wesleying just to guide you in procrastinating both finals and packing to gtfo campus. To help you in your quest for distraction, I leave you with the following top three most popular Alternate Reality Youtube Series following one of the creepiest, most obsessively followed myths of the internet – Slenderman. (Couldn’t you tell by the title?)
I know this is a pretty big claim but throwback Bar Mitzvah-esque tunes might just be my favorite thing in all of cyberspace. For all of you who didn’t have the experience that is a Jewish coming of age ceremony, simply imagine a crowd of pre-pubescent tweens, shitfaced middle aged Jewish professionals, and your grandparents and all of their closest friends shaking their ~tuchus~ to these tunes. Sufficiently horrified?
Anyway, I’ve curated a selection I feel sums up the vibe. Admittedly, I’ve been listening to these while studying all semester and they’re awesome. So awesome, in fact, that my non-Jewish friends now all want to be Bar Mitzvah-ed. Such is the power of the Bar Mitzvah tune.
Let’s start with a classic: the Hora. Except that this Hora is re-imagined as all the worst parts of music production circa 2007 rolled into one. Warning: you will find yourself singing this one. I’ve caught at least three of my friends listening to this while they study.
Finals have begun, you don’t know how much caffeine you’ve had but you’re permanently vaguely nauseous, all your wescam correspondence is happening between 2 and 5AM, and–for some reason–panic hasn’t set in yet. What better time, then, to watch videos of inanimate objects participating in “sport”? I somehow know the Kentucky Derby happened this weekend, and I imagine this is at least as exciting. Check below the jump for more things neither one of us should be spending our time on.
Selene Canter ’19 and Ally Gomberoff ’19 write in:
For our Feminist Philosophy final project, we invite you to come pull
an all-nighter to support victims of sexual trauma and discuss the
ways we as a campus can step up for each other to make our community
Inspired by Cressida J Heyes’ piece “Dead to the World; Rape,
Unconsciousness, and Social Media,” we will be “pulling an
all-nighter” in order to stay vigilant for those whose sleep is no
longer restful or safe as a result of sexual trauma. When a victim is
assaulted while unconscious, their agency is doubly vialated, for not
only is their body now a site of trauma, but they no longer have a
safe healing space in their sleep. Moreover, when an unconscious
sexual assault is shared via social media (for example the
Steubenville High School rape in 2014), the victim’s trauma is
continually replicated as images of their body without their will go
Our project aims to discuss issues of unconsciousness, campus rape
culture, the importance of sleep, and how we can step up for each
other, to support those who have experienced sexual assault and to
deter these traumatic experiences from happening.
Join us for a discussion and some interactive activities at 11
followed by some time to reflect, hang out, and cram for finals from
12:30 until 8am. We would love to have some of you stay the whole
night, but feel free to drop in and out as you pleaseSince you’ll
likely be pulling an all-nighter some time in the next week, why not
learn how you can make our campus safer while you’re at it? Coffee and
yummy snacks will be provided to keep us going all night.
Date: Sunday, May 8-Monday, May 9
Time: 11:00 PM – 8:00 AM
Place: Westco Lounge
Alexis Jimenez ’19 writes in:
Come see Wesleyan’s one and only fire spinning troupe, PROMETHEUS, as we show off our firey moves this Thursday at 7:30 PM on Foss Hill! Seating is very much not limited, so bring your friends, bring your prefrosh, bring your friends’ prefrosh! It should be a fine night, but bring warm clothing just in case.
Time: 7:30 PM
Where: Foss Hill
This isn’t a thinkpiece. This isn’t #realjournalism. This isn’t a tortured artist declaring that “objectivity is dead!” I know what you’re thinking: if not these, than is this article even Wesleyan? Is this article even real?
Perhaps more pressing a question is: “Is this day even real?” Johnny Lazebnik ’16 thinks so maybe (or at least thinks we should celebrate it). Let me tell you, it isn’t. Today is more extra than the random ass beach volleyball court behind Bennet (but less extra than the GODDAM TUITION INCREASE THAT THE BOARD UNANIMOUSLY VOTED ON). The folks over at the Career Center see today as “24 extra hours to do something productive.” See Instagram post below:
It’s that time of year again: your friends are all starting to announce their plans for the summer. Their paying, professional, real-live adult plans. Meanwhile, if you’re anything like me, you’re probably lying in bed with one hand in a box of cereal and the other aimlessly scrolling through your Twitter feed in hopes that if you ignore the problem of summer plans, it will go away. If you starting to feel the weight of the world (i.e. your parent’s disapproving stares at your choice of major) falling on your shoulders, don’t worry: your friends here at Wesleying are here to help!
Sophia Franchi ’15 writes with this great opportunity:
Attention, seniors! Unsure what to do next year? Looking for a job with significant responsibilities and learning opportunities? Interested in a career in teaching, writing, or the arts?
Look no further. Apply to be the 2016-2017 Kim-Frank Fellow in the Writing Programs!
The Kim-Frank Fellow organizes and supervises a broad range of writing programs and events on campus. The job offers an opportunity to work with distinguished writers, journalists, and other artists in addition to teaching and tutoring experience. The Kim-Frank Fellow assists in running the university’s Writing Certificate and writing programs, has teaching responsibilities, and contributes to the development of new courses.
The fellow has graduate student status and is eligible to take two academic courses, conduct research, and work collaboratively with faculty members.
Applications are due Wednesday, March 9 at 4:30 PM. To apply, please email the following application materials to Professor Anne Greene at agreene[at]wesleyan[dot]edu and cc: russellhouse[at]wesleyan[dot]edu, using the subject line “Kim-Frank Fellowship Application.”
- A letter of interest explaining your academic experience and future plans
- A transcript
- A resume
- Two academic papers, preferably with grades and the instructors’ comments
- The names of two faculty members who can serve as references. Your references will be contacted if you are a finalist.
For more information, visit the Writing at Wesleyan webpage or contact Anne Greene, University Professor in English and Director of the Writing Certificate, at 860 685 3604 or agreene[at]wesleyan[dot]edu.
Date: Wednesday, March 9th
Time: Due 4:30 PM
Cecilia Cereijido Bloche ’16 writes in:
Brew Bakers is looking for a band to play chill acoustic music on weekends (at both the main restaurant and the new cafe location). In the past they’ve had student bands perform and found that customers really love it. Though this wouldn’t be a paid thing, previous student bands that played there received generous tips. It’s meant to be background music while people chat and eat so please no drums or anything too intense. If you are interested, please contact me or Brew Baker’s owner Eloise Tencher: mybrewbakers[at]gmail[dot]com
Date: February 17th through May 31st, 2016
Place: Brew Bakers