Sometimes The Onion gets it so right it hurts. Hard. And by “sometimes” I clearly mean “most of the time.” Here’s a bold solution to recession-related graduation woes that makes way more sense than it probably ever should:
In a bold new measure intended to address unemployment among young professionals, lawmakers from across the political spectrum agreed on legislation Tuesday to subsidize the cryogenic freezing of recent college graduates until the job market recovers. . . .
“Were we to freeze these graduates at the height of vigor and ambition, however, there’s a chance we could revive them during a more prosperous time,” Hutchinson continued. “When the economy finally bounces back—10, 20, even 30 years from now—we’ll have an entire generation thawed out and ready to contribute.”
Cream…Ice Cream. Beach Night at Usdan and Wesleyan students go nuts. I know we’re almost on Spring Break guys, but really we’re in college. There’s no need to go crazy every time you see ice cream. Or is there?
A bunch of Wesleyan students hovering over a tower of ice cream? Sounds like a recipe for disaster. Thank god I got out before it turned ugly.
Are you going to be on campus the first week of Spring Break? Want to make $7? Sign up to participate in a senior thesis examining eye movements and reading! The study is being run in the Eye Movement and Reading Laboratory in the Psychology Department. The experiment takes 20-40 minutes and involves reading sentences on a computer screen. You must be a Wesleyan student and a native English speaker to participate. Email rloomis@wes or eyelab@wes for information or to sign up!
Somewhat in keeping with the flood of parodies that have inundated Wesleying over the past few days, here’s one in honor of Dr. Seuss’s bday (which is today). It gets really good around 2:00.
A commenter on the WesTech post pointed out another song that sounds like a mock-up made for Rock and R&B. It’s more focused on the two most popular forms of inebriation on campus and doesn’t actually have a video–just this marvelously sexy still of a bikini-clad black squirrel. Also features lyrical shout outs to Grandma Mocon, the old late night at Summerfields, and the class of ‘09.
[Edit] “Wesleyane” has a whole YouTube channel, featuring another hit single called “LAX is Life,” uploaded yesterday. Maybe it’s a reaction to the “LAX bro” verse of MIDD KID?
Middlebury is the latest college to receive attention for having a video paying homage to it on YouTube. “MIDD KID” is a legitimate looking music video produced by Middlebury kids rapping about themselves and their college. Unlike the “Why I choose Yale” video, though, it’s not intended to attract pre-frosh. The video was completely student initiated and had no relation to the Middlebury admissions office. In fact, Middlebury neither gave the students permission or stopped them from producing the video, saying they would have no official comment. Watching the video clearly shows why. The lyrics go along the lines of:
I’m a Midd Kid
I roll my jeans up high
With my Teva strap tight and my flannel so fly.
If the comments on the video are any indication, they’re getting compliments from peers at other colleges too. So any guess on how long until we have a new video lionizing Wesleyan and its noble aspects? Not to say that we don’t already have a significant YouTube presence, though.
This has nothing to do with Wesleyan specifically, but it has much to do with issues and patterns concerning higher education in general, and it’s a fascinating read.
In a compelling (and admittedly provocative) article for The Chronicle of Higher Education, Jere P. Surber, professor of philosophy at the University of Denver, eloquently tackles what the media loves to term the “liberal bias of the academy.” Surber considers the left-leaning tendency of liberal arts professors to be not a meaningless phenomenon of naïveté, but simply common sense given the nature of a liberal arts professor’s job, as well as the often skewed relationship between hir level of education and salary:
Jon Stewart mocks a CPAC convention speaker’s mocking of GoPride on yesterday’s Daily Show—including a tongue-in-cheek reference to the “transgender glee chorus at Wesleyan.” See the last minute of the clip:
“A college should always be stable, but never standing still.” —James L. McConaughy, B.A., M.A., Ph.D., LL.D.
In the beginning, it wasn’t called MoCon. It wasn’t even called McConaughy Hall.
No, when that giant spaceship-shaped monstrosity dining hall first opened its doors in September 1962, it was simply known as the “Freshman Dining Hall.” And that’s what it was; upperclassmen had far classier places to eat: their frat’s eating club, most likely (sup, Chic Chaque?), or Downey House, which apparently served food in the Pre-MoCon Era (is this common knowledge?).
A September, 1962 Argus article (Air Conditioning, Private Dining Rooms Features Of Modern $1,330,000 Foss Hill Dining Area, page two) celebrated the opening of this “ultra-modern structure” to the Class of ‘66 on September 16 of that year. Worth highlighting: Blaikie, Miller, and Hines, Inc was the food provider; individual meal costs were $0.75 (breakfast), $1.00 (lunch), and $1.50 (dinner). O 1962, how we miss thee.
It saw a flurry of new numbers during freshman orientation, back when I tacked on “Wes” to the end of every new person’s name in my contacts. It was the device I used when I called my mom to tell her I got into Wesleyan. It received text messages about senior cocktail after parties. And it was manufactured when the Backstreet Boys were still a commercial success.
Yes, the monstrosity depicted in the photo at left is my cell phone. Well, it was–until an unfortunate collision with a hardwood floor last weekend left it gasping for service. Despite having sustained countless violent blows in the past nine years (once I accidentally flung it down a stairwell), it has finally, sadly, succumbed to the technological obsoleteness that probably should have claimed it before I reached high school.
The Green Monster, as I affectionately called it, thrived at Wesleyan. Especially in the past year, responses to its continuing functionality were overwhelmingly positive. In this age of iPhones and Droids, it’s certainly unusual to see a phone that looks like something a five-year-old would expect to find in a toy shop.
If you need me, I’ll be at the Verizon store by the Goodwill. The thing I end up with will probably fold in half in a fancy way, will feature games other than Brick Attack, and will break before my 2-year contract is up.
Check out WesWings and The Red & Black Café’s fan page recent facebook status: Lindsay Abrams ‘ 12 won a $20 gift card. In the next 48 hrs, if we reach 300 fans we’ll make it $30, 400 fans for $40 and finally, 500 or more fans and she gets a $50 gift card. Help her out!
Do it, guys. We’re all fans already anyways, right?
Yep, it’s me again….. Malcolm Tent. I’ll be at Wes this coming Monday, February 15, with a heaping helping of records and cd’s. I’ll be there from noon till 5 PM (ish) and “there” is the Usdan Center, by the big staircase. If you have any special requests, let me know at trash(at)trashamericanstyle(dot)com and I’ll do my best to hook you up. Rock!
Did you hear the one about the angry conservative lashing out at Wesleyan with silly, decades-old caricatures?
No, not Martin Benjamin—this time it’s commentator Andrew Breitbart, best known as editor of the Drudge Report and contributor to the Washington Times. In his keynote address to the First National Tea Party Convention this week, Breitbart unleashes his seething manifesto against MSNBC, the media in general (“It’s you that sucks!”), and . . . Wesleyan?
“Bad, racist, homophobic—all those buzzwords that they learned in their freshman orientation class at Wesleyan—are used as weapons to try to destroy you and intimidate you to not speak up.”
So the ACB is abuzz with rumors—supposedly, and hopefully, true—of Dirty Projectors, Big Boi, and Black Lips possibly maybe playing Spring Fling. From the spring 1994 Argus, here’s an amusing anecdote from a past generation’s Spring Fling planning.
Sometime in early 1994, the Social Committee hired ’90s ska favorites the Mighty Mighty Bosstones to play Spring Fling. They offered the band nearly $7,000 to play, and the deal was set—until Krishna Winston, then Acting Dean of the College (and current professor of German Studies), put a stern foot down, citing the fact that ska is pretty much the worst thing ever given the Bosstones’ reputation for encouraging slam-dancing, stage-diving, and moshing, somebody could get hurt. P-Safe concurred, and good ol’-fashioned judicial activism ensued.
The result? The only band set for Spring Fling was a student group by the attractive name of White Boy Drummer, whose members described themselves as “very surprised” that they had won Eclectic’s recent Battle of the Bands and, perhaps consequently, “very nervous about Spring Fling.” But no fear—the band describes their music as “an amalgamation of everything,” which is about as insightful as that friend who likes to tell you they “listen to a little bit of everything.”
Like many of you, I love film. I particularly love experiencing classic (and not-so-classic) cinema in original 35mm prints for free. That’s why I go to the Film Series most weeks.
That’s also why I was profoundly moved this week by a certain ACB thread suggesting that Film Series Texters (hereby referred to as FST) be “flogged and banned forever from the CFS.” (There is also the question raised as to whether or not God has officially designated drinking whiskey in the Goldsmith Family Cinema a God-given right. I’ll leave that one to the Religion department.)
The point? Texting, sexting, or otherwise phone-opening during the Film Series is a problem. It’s bad. Distracting. Annoying. Wicked, depraved, and unforgivable. There seems to be a common sentiment lately that texting during movies is somehow less offensive than talking on the phone in the theater. After all, there’s no noise. You can still hear the dialogue. You can still follow the plot. It’s not bothering anyone. It’s not like film is predominantly a visual medium or anything. It’s not like there are rows of people behind you disturbed by the sudden appearance of a second (or third, or fourth) screen of bright, glowing light in a darkened theater. It’s not like they’re trying to watch the film free from obnoxious, wholly unnecessary distraction. Right?
Whether her insistence on “softening the message” through plush surroundings ultimately weakens the films — renders them more glossy and insular than they need be, even for a genre that is inherently fizzy — is a question I have debated with myself and others. Jeanine Basinger, chairwoman of the film-studies department at Wesleyan University, says that unlike Frank Capra, who believed that victory over something significant was essential for a comedy to be memorable, Meyers’s movies don’t require that you think about them again. “She makes it easy for the actors and the audience,” Basinger says. “They can slip into their parts and be happy, and we can slip into our seats and be happy.”
So the decade ends in a week. And for a generation that came of age at the dawn of the 2000s and entered adulthood (sort of) at its conclusion, you know what that means: rampant meaningless nostalgia.
BuzzFeed’s list of 40 Things That Were Popular At The Beginning Of The Decade That Aren’t Popular Anymore (highlights: Fred Durst, The “Weakest Link” Lady, Hanging a Flag Outside Your House) does a pretty damn good job of portraying 2000 as some sort of quaint, Norman Rockwell-esque alternate universe, where people wore frosted tips in their hair and watched music videos on MTV.
It’s not like there’s anything else to post about. Sincere condolences to anyone who still has work. There’s a light at the end, and it involves a whole lot of pointless internet videos.
An Italian singer wrote this song with gibberish to sound like English. If you’ve ever wondered what other people think Americans sound like, this is it.
If you’re still on campus during this end-of-semester winter wonderland, at the home stretch of finals or packing or having spent a long day sledding on Foss or whatever, you might be feeling kind of like a lost pug at sea, riding a giant turtle on a quest for your elusive kitty best friend while Sigur Rós emote.
The D.C. Council voted today 11 to 2 to give final approval to the Religious Freedom and Civil Marriage Equality Amendment Act of 2009. The vote recognizing same-sex marriage was the second in two weeks for the Council, which approved the bill in an initial vote on December 1, 2009 by the same margin. Since last July, D.C. law has recognized marriages by same-sex couples from other jurisdictions, including foreign countries. The new legislation would permit same-sex couples to marry in D.C. itself while ensuring that clergy and religious organizations would not be required to provide services, accommodations, facilities or goods for the solemnization of a same-sex marriage.
The legislation now goes to the desk of Mayor Fenty, who has said he will sign it. The law would take effect at the conclusion of the Congressional review period, which lasts for 30 legislative days following the Mayor’s signature.
As a retrospective, here is a 1950s PSA about the roaming homosexuals:
The Golden Globe Awards were announced yesterday furthering speculations of what the 10 Best Picture Nominees will be this year (The Academy has doubled the number of spots in the category for the 2010 awards). Here are the films you should see over the break if you want to be Oscar savvy…
Avatar
Precious
A Serious Man
A Single Man
An Education
The Hurt Locker
Read More »
Posted by rshenkeron December 16, 2009 at 11:01 PM|Comments Off
Paul Linton ‘11 writes in to tell us about the Rocky Horror production happening tonight!
Tonight at 11:59pm! Come see Absent Toast, Wesleyan’s own Rocky Horror Picture Show cast, perform in Exley room 150 (the giant lecture room on the first floor). You know you want to…
“I pledge allegiance to the Lips of the Rocky Horror Picture Show, and to the Decadence for which they stand: One movie, under Richard O’Brien, with sensual Daydreams and Erotic Nightmares for all. We are Absent Toast, your friendly Wesleyan Rocky cast. Come see our nipples.”
Date: Tuesday December 15th Time: 11:59 PM Place: Exley 150
Posted by Davidon December 15, 2009 at 7:36 PM|Comments Off
As a Christmas heathen I’m somewhat ambivalent about this time of year, but I really want to be at Bob Dylan’s schwasted holiday house party. SENIOR COCKS WHOO:
No? Because the Wesleyan Class of 2014 apparently is. Yesterday’s ED admits are out and about on Facebook, ready for you to stalk meet. And with 66 members and rising, the group is going strong. Our future classmates’ diverse passions and interests include . . .
acting, poetry, rapping, song-writing, guitar, existentialism, the history of film, Call of Duty Modern Warfare the best game ever created, nature as both a solitary entity and an environmental issue, politics (especially economics), and fucking partying.
Oh, wait. Those are all from the same kid. Whatever, seems to have the bases covered. There’s also the prefrosh who says ze’s most excited about “the campus-wide downloading network.” Who knew the hub was part of our admissions packet?
Yesterday’s Argus reports that the ED applicant pool had only nine fewer applicants than last year’s 509. The University admitted 237, of which 54% are women.
Whatever the hell happened last night presumably happened again. Sucks to be ITS. Again, since Wesleying still works for most people, here’s how to get around it.
