The day is finally here, and we all have one thing on our minds… is today the day that our Marriage Pact results come out? If you’ve managed to escape the wrath of your friends and yikyak users talking obsessively about it, here’s a little update. Mysterious matchmakers have designed a questionnaire and algorithm to match you with someone at your school. They serve 66 different campuses around the nation and according to their website, have made 109,189 matches and counting. Around the first week or so of returning from break, Wes students began talking about the form, and quickly over 1000 students have completed their Marriage Pact quiz, anxious to find out who their special match is.
Y’all, we’ve finally made it. The Daily Wire (the stupid conservative news outlet created by short-but-not-a-king pundit Ben Shapiro) wrote an EXCLUSIVE article article entitled “Wesleyan Encourages Students To Masturbate, Take ‘Kink Quizzes’ In Mandatory COVID Module”. Apparently they had an ~informant~ in the student body that alerted them to the anti-American, pro-Communist things that the Wesleyan COVID Moodle was telling us about sex. And let me tell you, this article is one of the best things I’ve ever read.
My dear students, the pain of the last week and a half is over. Pi is finally open for the semester.
By now, we’re at the final day of reading period,and the anxiety of upcoming deadlines for papers and exams are approaching with alarming speed. Treat yourself to a break by falling down any of these wonderful holes in the internet, guaranteed to keep you entertained and engaged for hours.
Internet K-hole – A series of photos from the 70s and 80s that will transport youto a different world. The pictures start to become familiar yet eerie the further you scroll, and the supply will never end. I fell down the internet K-hole even just while writing this article.
The Rotten Library – an alternative wikipedia for the stranger parts of the internet, including articles on cryptozoology, flaming carrots, hollow earth, and so many other things you probably have never even heard of. You’ll just have to see for yourself.
The Useless Web – a fantastically useless button that will take you to a new random link on the internet every time you click it. My personal favorite is the eel slap, which you can eventually discover for yourself if you click the button enough times.
Subreddit r/conspiracy – This subreddit will lead you down a slippery slope of conspiracy theories, some just emerging, and others continuing the conversation of ideas that have existed for decades.
A gallery of the best finds on Google Earth – try to find them yourself!
The Editing Room – a collection of movie scripts that have the plotholes and mistakes pointed out. Find your favorite movie to have your mind blown!
Geoguessr – A ridiculously fun game that drops you in a random google earth location and using context clues from the picture, you guess on a map where you think you are and see how close you got to the actual location.
Helloooooo folks and welcome to day THREE of Procrastination Destination!! To help you avoid starting your next essay, here are some online Christmas shopping ideas to check out. (If you don’t celebrate Christmas, just take this as a general Hannukkah/Kwanzaa/maybe future birthday etc. gift-giving guide).
Hello fellow procrastinators! While it may be easy as hell to procrastinate, sometimes the regular ol’ routine (switching between snapchat, youtube, and instagram) can get slightly boring, so I’m here to switch things up…we’re adding buzzfeed to the mix. Enjoy my favorite quizzes, lads, as they’re sure to swallow up at least twenty minutes of your time:
It’s that time of year again! The weather is getting colder, the days are getting (painfully) shorter, and we’re all drowning in finals. That means it’s time for Procrastination Destination! Keep checking in all during reading period and finals for fun Wesleying articles to help you do anything but your work. If you can’t get enough of our current offerings, feel free to check out past Procrastination Destination posts here.
The first way you can procrastinate is by coming to the Wesleying fundraising bakesale! Wesleying is entirely student run and receives no funding from the university, meaning we are a truly independent publication (not beholden to you, Mikey Roth). We pay a monthly fee to keep this blog up and running, and we need your help to keep doing that! So come by the Exley Lobby between 8pm and 11pm on Sunday, December 12 to get some cheap, tasty baked goods made just for you by your very own Wesleying writers and editors. We hope to see you there!
Are you eternally unsatisfied with the mystery that is quarantine in the inn? Can you simply not fall asleep at night because you’re just so curious about what those covid people are doing that whole time??
If your answer was yes, I welcome you. If it was no…well too bad, because I’m gonna tell you anyway. Welcome to behind the scenes: a day in the life of a Middletown Inn covid patient.
These past few weeks have been jam-packed with activity, from Fall Break to Hallo/Parents Weekend. Although partying with your friends in costume and luxuriating in the extra sleep afforded by two days off from school may have been the highlights of your October, hosting your parents on campus was an emotional journey of its own. Here are ten events that inevitably took place along the way.
Wooo roll Cards!
1. You were awoken bright and early on Saturday morning by a surprise knock on your door. Your parents had arrived.
2. You took your family to Pi Cafe to get your morning chai. A great choice in theory but in reality led to your parents over-enthusiastically waving to every single person in Exley that they vaguely recognized from your Facetime calls.
3. You stood in the freezing rain with your view of the football field obscured by a group of dads reminiscing about the glory of their college years, where they did not, in fact, play football.