Tag Archives: 2016

Fuck Your Midterms: It’s LEAP DAY

leapdayThis isn’t a thinkpiece. This isn’t #realjournalism. This isn’t a tortured artist declaring that “objectivity is dead!” I know what you’re thinking: if not these, than is this article even Wesleyan? Is this article even real?


Perhaps more pressing a question is: “Is this day even real?” Johnny Lazebnik ’16 thinks so maybe (or at least thinks we should celebrate it). Let me tell you, it isn’t. Today is more extra than the random ass beach volleyball court behind Bennet (but less extra than the GODDAM TUITION INCREASE THAT THE BOARD UNANIMOUSLY VOTED ON). The folks over at the Career Center see today as “24 extra hours to do something productive.” See Instagram post below:

800 Incoming Freshmen Totally Miss Obama’s Reddit AMA

“Someone’s moving into Clark! As a former Clark 1st Floor resident, all I can say is: woo hoo!”

As you read this, approximately 800 members of the newly minted Class of 2016 are having their inauguratory hall meetings, stating their hometowns and preferred pronouns, and optimistically including sexile contingency plans in their roommate contracts. They can’t tell Fayerweather from Fauver Bennet, and they still can’t figure out which wall is best for that Big Lebowski poster, but they are endlessly excited to be here (and some of them look suspiciously familiar). Bienvenue, les enfants! We’re not all back on campus yet, but we’re all really pumped to meet you (and I’m sure the 85 or so international students already on campus would say the same thing). As President Roth noted on his blog this morning,

It’s a beautiful morning, and first-year students will see the campus looking its best as they meet their new roommates, find out how to get their food at Usdan, discover the newly renovated Butterfield dorms and the newly named Bennet Hall. Parents will be wondering (sometimes, with misty eyes) how quickly the time has passed since the first day of high school,  while their sons and daughters will often be wondering why their folks are lingering on the campus that now belongs to them. Not to worry: Homecoming/Family Weekend will be here before you know it!

If you’re a frosh, you can check out the Orientation 2012 handbook online here, featuring tried-and-true favorites like Common Moment, Bend It At Beckham, BiLeGaTas, and In The Company of Otters

Wesleying Unofficial Orientation Series: Student Groups

Extra points if you can identify this reference.  If you can't, you're getting to get killed, or worse, expelled!

Now that you know how to eat and sleep, and have realized that you have worse hand-eye coordination than a D7 athlete, what else is there to do? Student groups.  Beyond the necessities of living and academics, extracurriculars are fundamental to “the Wesleyan experience” (some might even say they spend more time and effort on extracurriculars than academics).  There are over 300 student groups to pick from, and many of them will be enticing, so choose wisely.

Consider the rule of seven: if you halve your years then add seven, you’ll have the youngest decent age for a partner you should only commit yourself to seven major activities in any given semester.  Each course counts as one, as do many jobs, sports teams, and student groups.  While every commitments requires a different level of time and energy, and every person has different capabilities, this is a good general rule to keep in mind.  Word on the street is that the rule has been spread on campus by Professor Joyce Jacobsen, but that can’t be confirmed.

While officially recognized by the WSA, Wesleyan’s student groups operate with a fair degree of autonomy and all have preferences for how do they choose to advertise themselves. While the diversity of expression might have its benefits, the lack of consistency also makes it difficult to find them.

Wesleying Unofficial Orientation Series 2012

If you can't tell from the glaring orange in this picture that this is not the Wesleyan you'll be attending in just a few days, please go home.

Dear prefrosh,

Word on the street is that you’re excited.  Your AP scores just can’t show up on ePortfolio fast enough, you’re over 2,000 comments deep in a word-association game, and you’ve already bought that handy-dandy MacBook Pro.  We get it.  But do you know what you need to like on Facebook? What student groups you want to join?  How to run away from Wesleyan in case it’s too scary?  No? Don’t worry, ‘cuz Wesleying’s got your back.

Welcome to the Wesleying Unofficial Orientation Series 2012, a collection of unbiased, purely factual, informative posts by a bunch of kids who sometimes claim to represent “real students, real student life at Wesleyan University.”  We know that you’ll be too busy developing your frosh-pack and hipstagramming photos of your first Psi U party to learn anything between August 26th/29th and September 2nd, so we’ve got the following topics covered:

Cardinal Connect – Adopt a Frosh!

Bored?  Looking forward to a new year already? Good ol’ Sam Ebb ’13 has an enticing offer for ya:

So, whether you want to admit it or not, everyone was once a freshman and had questions like how do I get involved with bands, what is slam poetry, how do I join the Argus, I love to dance/sing/write blogs/take pictures of things/do awesome things with flaming hoola-hoops/etc., but how do I get involved?  Didn’t you wish you had an upperclassmen who did exactly that thing to show you the ropes and tell you where you needed to go to get started?

A solution to this: Cardinal Connect (fill out the 10 second sign-up form here).  It is a program that pairs upperclassmen with freshmen in an area of extra curricular interest.  It is there to provide a foot in the door with whatever the freshmen are interested and get them started.  The best part for upperclassmen: minimal time commitment!  You are only expected to meet with your freshman once a month and that can be over lunch on any day in whatever informal setting you choose and whatever date and time is most convenient for you.  You don’t have to be their best friend and you don’t have to dedicate your life to cultivating your freshman protégé (though you can if you want), you are simply there to help them get started and serve as a resource to answer questions.

They’re coming…

From Mo(rice) Hill ’14 comes an opportunity to stay up all night…to make friends for life.  C’mon guys, Ray-Ban inspired, how can that secret hipster inside of you resist the offer?

gotta go to mo's!

Cool Kids Get Cooler

Only 27.2 percent of applicants to the Class of 2012 got in. Only 22 percent of applicants to the Class of 2013 got in. Only 20.5 percent of applicants to the Class of 2014 got in. Only 23 percent of applicants to the Class of 2015 got in (though more 2015 applicants accepted than expected, as we all know).  Now, the Class of 2016 is unseating us all with the most selective rate of admission yet: 19.7%.

The increase in selectivity isn’t just at Wesleyan, however.  The Ivy League reported that every school in the consortium except Brown and Columbia accepted a smaller percentage of applicants this year.  Harvard’s acceptance rate reached a new low of  5.9% and Yale accepted only 6.8%.  In our peer group, Williams accepted 16.7% and Tufts accepted 21.2%.

If you want to know the full details on 2016, check out the Class of 2016 Profile.  If you want to know the full creepy details on 2016, check out WesAdmits 2016.  The specific stats from the Class of 2016 Profile are more-or-less consistent with the current Wesleyan student body.  The characters, however, will always be unique.  Don’t pretend you’re not already creeping either, I seem to have two dozen Facebook friends in the group already.

[Business Insider][Thanks to  tipster #ahaa]