Remember the time Leonardo DiCaprio died in the freezing ocean? Or maybe the time he entered a dream within a dream within a dream? Cool moments, right?
Wrong. Not compared to this. None of those Leo moments even come close to his best performance of all: the time he got attacked by a massive CGI grizzly bear for literally four minutes straight.
Imagine something that takes less time than four minutes. Now imagine a different thing (I’m sure that first thing will improve). It seriously blows my mind that the director chose to spend that much time on this scene. It is just an absurdly unnecessary amount of bear attack.
And it is such a strange scene because the bear attack happens three separate times. When you watch the video be sure to note the timestamp at which the bear attack should have ended. That’s right. It’s at ninety two seconds. There is an extra two and half minutes for the bear to come back and put in the work. And then it does. Twice!
It just adds nothing to the movie, and maybe that’s why I love it so much. It’s such an honest moment of BS spectacle that exists because they had the money and the actor capable of grunting so well. I’d like to think I’d create something similar with those resources.
So, yeah, watch the best four minutes in movie history after you inevitably get eliminated from tonight’s HQ because airwes lags and screws your chances at $1,500 divided evenly amongst 1,600 people.
Some people watch TV or Netflix or random Youtube clips for the instant gratification that these forms of procrastination provide. You get to be brain dead for a couple of minutes or hours, almost hypnotically transported from the sweaty, nightmarish, hell-scape of your work (maybe that’s just me). The pure pleasure that you get is almost unmatched. This is the way I feel when I watch Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert go on various Fox News programs (usually it’s Bill O’Reilly).
Take this video of Stephen Colbert entering the No-Spin Zone (lol) for the first time in 2007. While Jon Stewart actually attempts to engage O’Reilly in serious conversation, it’s almost comical the lack of fucks Stephen Colbert gives about this interview. It’s a serious drought of fucks. It’s a situation so devoid of fucks, it almost makes you nervous for Bill O’Reilly, who definitely gives a fuck, and does not quite understand how to act in a situation where very little fucks are required for entry.
Hey friends, whether you’re one of the 115 network members on a Wesleyan sports team growing out a mustache to raise money for men’s health (they’ve raised $7,492 already! What have you done this November?!), your razor recently broke, you think it might be fun, or you’re trying to bring down the patriarchy, Wesleying wants to see the body hair you grow in honor of this illustrious month. Send pics or videos or poems or other types of creative art submissions (for example, if you make a sculpture of your leg hair growth, we want to see it) to staff[at]wesleying[dot]org with the subject “hair” by the first few days of December. Here are some entries from last year for inspiration.
Anal Schmalz Peeper, Spirit of 1863, and A. Avoiding Gym Roll Rot, Connecticut College Class of 1864, would like to invite you to their primary Student Forum: ASJL420: Markets of Britain.
Verily. Verily. Verily. Verily. Life is butt a Marquis du Sade. Haha hey. Fworst, Coreikullum: a study of penzils, whaylz, murdrerz beIIz and the like. Professor Schmalz Peeper, dead for but a forescore months will provide the “student” with “an” education in the finerest of thangs. Whults—Dr. Roll Rot, PhD, MDMA expert in innerest of sevens can “not” unhelp you to the highest reaches of their lowest bucket tors. Queven. Pastabilities are with the realm of unnearing unendlessnesslessness. Schneezle. Quoram of einundzwansig Studentinnen while suffice. Please emale of quistionz to dogsarelikesocute09-woof35(at)aol(dot)org.
Bee Tea Dubs: Zombie Art Collective meetings T.R. 8:30 AM PAC0004?