Tag Archives: cell phones

R.I.P. Green Monster, 2001-2010

It saw a flurry of new numbers during freshman orientation, back when I tacked on “Wes” to the end of every new person’s name in my contacts. It was the device I used when I called my mom to tell her I got into Wesleyan. It received text messages about  senior cocktail after parties. And it was manufactured when the Backstreet Boys were still a commercial success.

Yes, the monstrosity depicted in the photo at left is my cell phone. Well, it was–until an unfortunate collision with a hardwood floor last weekend left it gasping for service. Despite having sustained countless violent blows in the past nine years (once I accidentally flung it down a stairwell), it has finally, sadly, succumbed to the technological obsoleteness that probably should have claimed it before I reached high school.

The Green Monster, as I affectionately called it, thrived at Wesleyan. Especially in the past year, responses to its continuing functionality were overwhelmingly positive. In this age of iPhones and Droids, it’s certainly unusual to see a phone that looks like something a five-year-old would expect to find in a toy shop.

If you need me, I’ll be at the Verizon store by the Goodwill. The thing I end up with will probably fold in half in a fancy way, will feature games other than Brick Attack, and will break before my 2-year contract is up.

WesTXT: not even your cell phone is safe

Your email inbox overflows with all-campus emails. Your mailbox is stuffed with junk mail from credit card companies to which the University sells your information. But, though you thought your phone was the one last form of communication uncorrupted by Wesleyan’s intrusions, this text message arrives:In any case, the situation probably isn’t so dire. As we’ve experienced in the past, this was probably just a test of the University’s emergency notification system, which contacts us in the event of an emergency.

Xiaoxi gets Vagina Power

Before introducing the real topic of my post I must tell you a story:

This weekend, I lost my dignity. Without going into too much detail, I’m just going to say that it had to do with a boy, a drunk dial and a few booty calls. Oh, and I threw in some tears, too. Anyhow, you’ll be glad to know that his number is no longer in my phone. In fact, I even took him off my recent calls list, so there’s no way for me to call him now. Ever.
Unfortunately erasing his number did not help me get my dignity back. Neither did spending an exorbitant amount of money the next day and calling it “retail therapy.” Not even consumerism and the global commodity chain could help me. I should’ve known: has Das Kapital taught me nothing?

At length, a ray of hope:
Alexyss Tylor, the harbinger of truth and Vagina Power. I watched the video on YouTube (this show actually aired on a TV station in Atlanta). Reader, I invite you to feel it with me:

Most hipsters would regard this little video as ironically funny, but I believe that it is, truly, poignant. I still don’t have my dignity back, but Alexyss has helped me learn from my past and move forward with an empowered Vagina. Thank you.

Making fun of the past is funny!

You don’t even have to go to the Olin archives to find mind-blowing Argus articles. Check out this one on cell phones from a mere six years ago…Here’s an excerpt:

In a constantly changing world full of newfangled inventions like “computers” and “CD players” another recent technological advancement is becoming quite universal. This handy pocket-sized gizmo is known as the cellular phone.

Wesleyan students have many varied viewpoints on carrying cellular phones. Some own cell phones because the rates are cheaper than ACUS service charges, while others seem to use them simply because they are popular.

Many disgruntled students expressed their annoyance with peers who walk around campus talking on their cell phones.

“I came to Wesleyan to get away from preppy cell phone-toting fools,” said Dylan Brown ’04.

Erin Larkin ’03 was also dismayed about cell phone usage around campus.

“Its kind of excessive walking around campus talking on a cell phone when there’s a blue-light phone in visible distance,” Larkin said.

Some students were just amused by the whole spectacle and figured that Wesleyan was the last place where cell phones would show up.

“I think it’s really funny to see Wesleyan hippies walking around on their cell phones like be-boop-be-bop-boop,” said sophomore Anna Sobel. “I’m like what are you doing? You like grass.”