Hey! You! Over there, with the brand new Wesleyan University 2018 shirt on… You don’t have to sound like a freshman just because you are one…
Bad news: you’re gonna have to relearn the names of the buildings you spent the summer memorizing off the campus map.
Good news: Wesleying is here to help. We present to you: a comprehensive guide to faking it.
Almost every building on campus has acquired some kind of nickname over the past 100-and-something years that Wesleyan students have spent on the hallowed grounds of Middletown, CT. There are the chop-and-shorten nicknames, the Wes-suffix-words, a few almost-funny-jokes, and one very famous ass-pun… We’ve outlined (almost) all of them to help alleviate the gripping terror and confusion of your first few weeks at college.
“What happens when a prep school’s black student president mocks her white male classmates?” a recent BuzzFeed article asks.
Well, she gets ousted as school president and then attends Wesleyan.
Maya Peterson’s tenure at Lawrenceville School, a prep school in New Jersey, focused on bringing awareness to diversity issues, whether that was trying to ease implicit racial tensions or bring gender neutral bathrooms to campus. The trouble started when she and some of her friends posed with their fists in the air in a “black power” photo in their yearbook. After some students complained to the principal about this, Maya instagrammed a photo of herself as a typical “Lawrenceville boi,” teasing her main critics, with hashtags like #romney2016,” “#confederate,” and “#peakedinhighschool.”
“You’re the student body president, and you’re mocking and blatantly insulting a large group of the school’s male population,” one student commented on the photo.
“Yes, I am making a mockery of the right-wing, confederate-flag hanging, openly misogynistic Lawrentians,” Peterson responded. “If that’s a large portion of the school’s male population, then I think the issue is not with my bringing attention to it in a lighthearted way, but rather why no one has brought attention to it before…”
Yes, I know, we all feel really fucking old.
Breaking news: Some of the youngsters of the class of 2018 (yes, meaning most of them were born in 1996) have been accepted to Wes through Early Decision, and they are now officially part of the Wesleyan community. Holla at all the prefrosh who are reading this post, and welcome to the Bestleyan.
Oh the little ED applicants.
As usual, however, no one really cares about the actual members of the class; we’re all in it for the WesAdmits 2018 page (which does in fact exist already!). Prefrosh who are reading this: Save yourself some awkwardness when you get to campus and know your WesAdmits etiquette.
- About 70% of the upperclassmen on WesAdmits are totally trolling the shit out of you. When they say really random things things like, “All Wesleyan dorms are being equipped with froyo machines next year!”, they’re expecting you to be gullible. Last year one of my friends convinced an entire group of freshmen that Summerfields was getting a Starbucks express line.
- Don’t talk about all the other colleges you were going to apply to. You got into Wesleyan ED; those other colleges don’t mean anything now. Stop trying to impress everyone with how you were going to apply to Brown ED but didn’t because you were too authentic for that Ivy League life.
- Don’t post pictures of you holding your acceptance letter on WesAdmits. Some weird upperclassmen will turn it into their Facebook cover photo. Plus it just looks awkward.
- Do NOT for the love of all that is Wesleyan friend request everyone in the WesAdmits Facebook group. It’s been two years since I got into Wesleyan, and to this day, every time my friends and I see the kid from my class year who friended 350+ Wes ED classmates back in December 2011, someone yells, “That’s the dude who friended all the people on WesAdmits!”