After more than a month to reflect on February’s Senior Cocktails fallout, the Senior Class Officers have formally announced what some have already suspected: reports of the death of Senior Cocks have been greatly exaggerated. In fact, the events planned for Senior Week—an Outing Day and a Semi-Formal—are still on. From my inbox:
After working with the administration over the past weeks, we are pleased to announce that the events originally scheduled for Senior Week—Outing Day and Semi-Formal—will continue to be held on Tuesday, May 21 and Thursday, May 23 respectively. We are excited that our class will still have these opportunities to bond as a whole in an off-campus setting, and we look forward to planning them so that they are successful and enjoyable for all.
But there’s a twist. Come on, you can figure it out:
By now everyone is aware that Friday night’s Senior Cocks ended
when a band of biology majors went mad with grief and destroyed the giant brontosaurus statue for reasons that have become quite controversial.
Through a chain of individuals, Wesleying received two quotes reported to be from the museum’s “Incident Report.” They are, to say the least, brilliant.
The two quotes are copied below, and, as always, your comments and absurdities are greatly encouraged.
1. “Wesleyan student removed from the 6th floor for riding the dinosaur.”
2. “Wesleyan student fell down the up escalator. And continued falling as if in a perpetual motion machine.”
Want to yell about this incident in all-caps until you get your aggression out? Click here.
Spoiler: It involves sex, drugs, and
rock & roll projectile vomiting.
Last night, around 7:30 p.m., a few hundred well-oiled members of the Class of 2013 piled into buses outside of Usdan, headed—unbeknownst to passengers—to the Connecticut Science Center in Hartford. Two hours later, a drunker, louder, and scientifically inspired Class of 2013 was herded onto the same buses and driven right back to Middletown. The “Freaks and Geeks, Valentine’s Day style”-themed evening—which cost $40 and made for the third senior event of the year—wasn’t supposed to end abruptly in less than two hours, but according to one student who overheard an exchange between museum staffers and Wesleyan coordinators, the ejection may have been well earned.
“I overheard that staffers at the Connecticut Science Center observed students ‘doing drugs and having sex in the bathrooms,’ and that things were getting broken,” explained the student, who asked not to be named. “I am not sure whether or to what extent that is exaggerated or not; it was said rather offhandedly and by someone who appeared to be under a lot of duress at the time.”
If you noticed copious amounts of baking soda lining the stairs of the museum, that, too, had something to do with the staff’s unhappy reaction.