Tag Archives: cornell

NPR Report: Wesleyan Part of Larger Trend In Colleges’ Financial Woes

NPR has a story this week on how the financial cancer attacking many elite private colleges—that is, more money coming out than in—is affecting schools like Grinnell College, MIT, and, of course, Wes. The focus is on recent struggles over need-blind admissions. Grinnell seems to be an unusual case; despite not being in the same admissions tier as Wes (with an acceptance rate of 43%), it has enjoyed a rosy financial situation thanks in no small part to Warren Buffett sitting on its board. This has allowed it to pay 60% of its students’ costs, which is a higher rate than any other school except Harvard.

Even Grinnell, however, is showing the first signs of trouble, and says it has reached the point where it has had to switch some of its grants to loans.

“We don’t get in a room and say, ‘OK, do we give more aid here or do we give a raise to a professor over here?’ It’s never that stark, but behind the curtain, what’s happening is this tradeoff,” says Kington.

The towering monolith of MIT, meanwhile, told NPR it would never ever ever in a million years end need-blind admissions. “That’s one of our rock-solid principles. It’s sort of built into our DNA,” said MIT Chancellor Eric Grimson. Hopefully we will not have to see the unsustainable financial models and practices of these elite universities bring them, in 10 or 20 years, to the point Wesleyan is at now. NPR says the end of need-blind policies has sustained “some backlash” herea big understatement.

Cornell Shoots Porn, Too—In the Library

Colleges Still Good For Something: Cornell Library Serves as Setting for Porn Video

Cornell’s back at it. This week, in addition to the sheer public-defecation epicness of the Avicii concert, Cornell’s very own “Cameron Knight” shot and starred in her first (we assume) one-woman porn show. In the university’s engineering library of all places. Gawker had this to say:

In the video, a young blonde woman, possibly Miss Knight, records herself on a laptop webcam wanking and masturbating in broad daylight while seated at a public work station. The library is largely deserted but for one other student, who appears to be working (or maybe also wanking and masturbating) at a table in the background. Based on the emptiness of the library, and the fact that the video was uploaded to a hosting site in August, EzraBoard users have deduced that it must have been shot over Cornell’s summer term, when the school is populated by a scant mix of over- and under-achievers.

You can watch the video itself here (link definitely NSFW), and read Cornell’s comments about it here. Extra points if you watch the video in Olin. But fear not, Wes. We had Cornell beat by 13 years:

On a Different ‘LE7ELS’: Avicii at Cornell Causes Hospitalization, Public Defecation

 And you thought Cornell couldn’t get any more lame?

In possibly the most embarrassing story to come out of Cornell since the hilarious 2009 administrative email chain sex scandal, six people were hospitalized at a recent Avicii show on the campus. The Swedish DJ played a set for Cornell’s homecoming weekend, which turned into a drunken, ecstasy-filled shitshow. Literally, someone apparently “defecated in the bleachers” while another girl was “grabbed under her skirt twice while she was waiting in line.” Anyone who is familiar with the culture surrounding Avicii’s music probably has a high school friend that goes to Syracuse or Indiana and maybe studied abroad in Barcelona. Seriously, the music is not terribly popular on Wesleyan’s campus, which is not to say we don’t have some passionate outliers fighting for their cause. But most of our rowdy ‘n out of line behavior is usually reserved for more ironic and cool acts (read: cool is an objective and absolute term determined by the author of this post).

Most of the students were either rolling face or apparently very drunk, but according to student testimonials, “That just made things better.”

Cornell Rescinds Frat Recognition Following Death of Brother

Speaking of administration/greek life tensions coming to an ugly head, this week’s developments at Cornell are enough to make our recent Beta shitstorm seem positively minor. The school’s administration has fully withdrawn recognition of Sigma Alpha Epsilon—effective for at least five years—following the tragic death last month of a brother, George Desdunes ’13. Circumstances surrounding Desdunes’ death remain vague (IvyGate has been attempting to compile what details have surfaced), but the basic premise is both terribly tragic and all too typical: Desdunes was reportedly provided alcohol, and became unresponsive, “while in the care of certain members and associate members” who failed to seek medical attention.

The University announced a “temporary suspension” of SAE earlier this month. This week’s announcement arrives—conveniently enough—right at the start of the school’s spring break. All SAE brothers are required to vacate the frat house by March 31.

More from the Cornell Daily Sun:

“The loss of University recognition is the loss of any and all privileges and benefits bestowed upon a recognized fraternity or sorority,” Murphy said.

Such privileges include the ability to “use the University’s name in any fashion,” participate in “educational, social, philanthropic/service and athletic programs,” or use any University facilities for fraternity functions, she said.

One Dead After Shooting at Cornell Apartment

The Cornell Daily Sun reports on a disturbing incident at the University-owned Maple Hill Apartments last night:

A shooting occurred at 301 Maple Ave. around 2:15 a.m. Tuesday. When police arrived, they found Paul Garcia, 47, of New York City dead in the parking lot of University-owned Maple Hill Apartments, according to The Ithaca Journal.

“The Sheriff’s Office does not believe the incident to be a random event, and has no reason to suspect that tenants of the complex are in danger,” Cornell Police said in a crime alert posted on the University’s website at 9:49 a.m. An earlier alert at 3:25 a.m. had urged people in the immediate area to “take shelter in place.”

Thankfully, students are no longer believed to be in danger, but still, much love to friends at Cornell. Like us, the school (and town) has gone through a lot lately.


Don’t miss this can’t-possibly-be-real-except-it-is footage of a Cornell professor losing his shit in the middle of a lecture after a rude student interruption—by which I mean, umm, a yawn. Some details, via friends at IvyGate:

A month ago today, Mark Talbert, a senior lecturer in Cornell’s School of Hotel Administration, wigged out at a phantom yawner in his 11:40 am HADM 1174: Business Computing lecture. Someone yawned. He was all like “RAWR WHO YAWNED BLAAHGHGGHGHGHHGHG!” and everyone was a little taken aback and confused. And that should have been that.

Unfortunately for Talbert, the Hotel school was recording the lecture for posterity and posted it online. It was only a short step from the Cornell Web site to YouTube.

Really, though, it’s hard to do justice to the professor’s scathing, impassioned tirade against yawning:

“If I hear one more of these overly loud yawns . . . Get up and walk the hell out! Yawn outside!” says an irate Talbert.  “Stay outta class, whatever it is you need to do to get over it, I wanna know why 220 other people don’t find the need to do that.  And you should be asking yourself, why am I the one loser who has to do that?”

Here’s the video, but click past the jump for Talbert’s follow-up, and a classy autotune rendition of the freak-out, courtesy of a Cornell frosh.

Worst. Email. Gaffe. Ever.

cornellThis is a few days old, but far too ridiculous not to share.

In an email gaffe horror story of Shakespearean proportions, a Cornell Business School employee somehow managed to forward a nauseatingly lewd email exchange with his mistress, replete with Beavis & Butthead-style innuendo, to the entire fucking business school. First, our starring characters:

John: a Cornell Business School Tech Consultant. Yes, he’s married. Apparently enjoys erotic tickling. Expresses sexual arousal with long streams of exclamation points and smiley faces.

Lisa: also a Cornell Business Employee. Also married.

I was gonna include some prime highlights from the emails here, but—well, yes, they really are that bad. Just . . . gross. Read the whole exchange here, if you’re so inclined (read from the bottom up). And check out the Cornell’s mortified apology here. Enjoy.

Radar Names Cornell Worst Ivy

Worst Ivy League University: Cornell University

Despite persistent rumors to the contrary, Cornell’s suicide rate turns out to be no higher than the national average. But over the years, low academic satisfaction, an oppressive Greek system, and a boring host town, have inspired dozens of depressed students to hurl themselves over campus gorges, earning Cornell a reputation as the worst of the Ivies.

Illustrious Alumni: Failed Senate candidate and drunk-driving enthusiast Pete Coors; right-wing performance artist Ann Coulter (right); lecherous lip-flapper Bill Maher.

Notable Course: Post-National Gastroidentities. An excerpt from the class description: “We will attempt to answer the question of how food, cuisine, and gastronomy play an important part both in the strategies to instrument normalcy through the imagination of the modern Nation-State, and the ways in which discourses affirming nation, race, ethnicity, hospitality, the universality of humanity, interact with each other fragmenting the national gastronomic field and undermining the unpolluted self-understanding of the modern Nation-State.”

Raw Data: Of all the Ivies, Cornell has the lowest incoming SAT scores, the highest acceptance rate (27 percent), and the lowest academic satisfaction among students, which makes it America’s Best Safety School.

School Pride: “I haven’t overheard a single intellectual conversation in three years, unless it was between Indian or Asian students,” writes an architecture major on Students Review.

Fun Fact: According to a survey on College Prowler, Cornell has the ugliest girls in the Ivy League. In fact, it ranks close to dead last in the country. So when students here get together for a “study session,” they actually study.

Tuition: $32,800 plus room and board.

(source: radar magazine)