It’s Thursday afternoon, and WSA elections are drawing to a close. You’re headed home from class, perhaps cooling off from a refreshing jaunt in the Freeman Athletic Center’s spacious main gym. Something about the air today urges you to make a difference in your community, and you resolve to exercise your right to vote immediately upon returning to your dorm. One particular candidate’s catchy slogans, likeable demeanor, and prioritization of social justice really resonate with you, and after receiving extensive campaign coverage via liveblog, you feel prepared to cast your ballot.
But wait! Don’t click that button just yet! Read this excruciatingly long, questionably serious group interview with the candidates first! MAKE AN INFORMED DECISION.
As “someone who has no connection to the WSA and can regard it with some amount of irreverent distance” according to an anonymous peer—let’s call him Zach—I was apparently well equipped to conduct this interview, although I have reason to believe vice presidential candidate Andrew Trexler ’14 knows my cousin. (Trexler and aspiring president Nicole Updegrove ’14 are running against an adorable President-VP ticket consisting of Mari Jarris ’14 and Chloe Murtagh ’15, as well as loose cannon wildcard Keith Conway ’16). Those of you brave souls who do chose to venture on past the jump may consider this interview redundant, long-winded, repetitive, and redundant, but I choose to think of it as EPIC and implore you to do the same.
- Mari and Chloe like trying new things.
- Trexler has already tried lots of things.
- Keith has a lot more friends than I do.
- Nicole has allergies.
If you cowards are discouraged by the impressive length of this interview, just think about how long it would take to conduct and transcribe it. I’m just saying. Seriously think about it. Blogging is a lot of work, but I do it because I love you. Or maybe I just thought you were cute, I don’t know.
Could this be the longest Wesleying post ever? Do I hate myself for writing it? Will you fall asleep while reading? Did I make any typos? Did one of the candidates have sexual relations with that woman? Isn’t the election, like, over already? WHERE ARE THEY?? Find out after the jump!