DJ Nina G ’15 is looking to hear your crazy drinking story for her late-night Thursday WESU radio show:
The show is called Road Trip and has music and stories that fit a theme. The theme this week is drinking stories, and I’m sure you have some silly tales to share. Any stories that are related to alcohol will do. Email ngerona[at]wes to schedule a time sometime before Thursday to record.
P.S. All stories will be anonymous (unless you don’t want them to be).
Deadline: Any time before 2:00 a.m. this Thursday (or Friday morning if you rather). (Show airs 2:30-3:30 a.m.) Place: My place or yours? Anywhere quiet enough for audio recording.
Maybe you thought the administration would reign in its attempts to stop Tour de Franzia after being publicly skewered everywhere from MSN to Gawker-owned feminist snarkfest Jezebel to something calling itself “BroBible.” You were wrong. If anything, after begging your parents to stop the mayhem, the powers that be have only stepped up their game, going so far as to email all faculty, have RAs set up military-style checkpoints outside student dorms on the night of the Tour, and threaten to slap students with six judicial points for, uh, “wearing costumes.” Don’t be mad! They’re just trying to keep you safe! Tour de Franzia is dangerous!
Anyway, here’s your definitive guide to everything you’ve been wondering about What the Fuck is the Administration Doing About Tour de Franzia This Year.
Q: When’s Tour de Franzia? How will I find out about it? Is it even happening this year? A: Who knows, but probably. There’s no fixed date, but in recent years it has occurred during one of the last weekends of the semester. It’s typically announced by an anonymous Facebook profile, “WesParty Guy” (which is deactivated when not in use), as well as via word of mouth and mass texts. There won’t be a Facebook event or whatever, especially after the Great Facebook Event Crackdown of 2010.
Thought you’d get through April without an ominous email from the administration about Tour de Franzia? Think again. By this point last year Dean Mike Whaley had already emailed your parents about the annual wine-fueled shit-show of a scavenger hunt, and the rest of the administration had quietly set in motion a personalized listserv-by-listserv email campaign imploring you not to participate. It didn’t really work, since Tour de Franzia popped off right on schedule, but on the other hand it sort of did, because participation and hospitalizations were each down by about 50%.
This year’s strategy seems to fall in line with the recent trend: having realized they can’t stop Tour de Franzia altogether (barring use of unreasonably draconian measures), administrators are leveling threats and ramping up judicial consequences in the hopes that participation continues to drop and eventually falls off altogether. The latest “D.A.R.E to Resist Franzia and Dinosaur Costumes” public service announcement comes from Dean Mike Whaley, who knocked off the traditional all-campus Tour de Franzia email on April 11. The gist of Whaley’s note is that judicial charges will be stricter than usual this year, whether or not you’re actually drinking or causing damage or doing anything particularly reckless:
Spoiler: It involves sex, drugs, and rock & roll projectile vomiting.
Last night, around 7:30 p.m., a few hundred well-oiled members of the Class of 2013 piled into buses outside of Usdan, headed—unbeknownst to passengers—to the Connecticut Science Center in Hartford. Two hours later, a drunker, louder, and scientifically inspired Class of 2013 was herded onto the same buses and driven right back to Middletown. The “Freaks and Geeks, Valentine’s Day style”-themed evening—which cost $40 and made for the third senior event of the year—wasn’t supposed to end abruptly in less than two hours, but according to one student who overheard an exchange between museum staffers and Wesleyan coordinators, the ejection may have been well earned.
“I overheard that staffers at the Connecticut Science Center observed students ‘doing drugs and having sex in the bathrooms,’ and that things were getting broken,” explained the student, who asked not to be named. “I am not sure whether or to what extent that is exaggerated or not; it was said rather offhandedly and by someone who appeared to be under a lot of duress at the time.”
If you noticed copious amounts of baking soda lining the stairs of the museum, that, too, had something to do with the staff’s unhappy reaction.
The view from Senior Fauver, as photographed by Tunayesterday afternoon.
This morning we received in our tipbox an account, from an anonymous reader, of a rather heroic rescue that took place late last night, during blizzard conditions:
Last night, a bunch of my friends and I saw a figure muddling through the blizzard. He collapsed in the snow, and did not get up. Julia Holewinski ’15, wearing just a sweater, immediately ran outside and hauled the man inside with some difficulty. He was clearly extremely intoxicated, and his eyelashes were frozen solid. We think his name is [removed] (class of ’14). If Julia hadn’t had the presence of mind and physical strength to drag him inside, he probably would have died in a snowdrift.
Besides applauding Holewinski for her courageous rescue, this seems like an opportune time to remind you that if you feel the need to get wasted during blizzard conditions (which is all fine and good), drink responsibly and don’t go wading through snow alone at night. If you spot an obviously smashed friend attempting to stumble home alone through snow drifts and heavy winds, walk with them or offer them your couch. Sorry to get all mom on you all of a sudden.
Speaking of snow rescues, pyrotechnics’post this morning noted that some students (especially in Lo-Rise) are quite literally unable to open their front doors because of the Alaskan-style snow drifts.
After spending two weeks interviewing writers and documentingThesis-Landdespair, it’s hard not to feel some vicarious sense of relief. I know where you worked. I know what caffeinated beverages you downed in your carrel. I know how many nights you slept in ST Lab. I know how many times you re-wore the same pants. (Well, no. I don’t.) And I am terrified for next year.
Consider this a hearty ‘grats to all thesis-writers, whether you were profiled on this blog or not. Scroll on for a full gallery, and click past the jump for a brief, shaky video clip of the “Wesleyan Fight Song.”
If you remember this weekend, you might remember seeing a lot of unfamiliar faces around. Schools around the country are closed today for a national holiday dedicated either to the gays or celebrating imperialist douchebaggery. Thankfully, we get to stay on campus and serve as zoological exhibits for prefrosh to gawk at. No, that creepy old dude is not stalking you. No, that hot girl in the front row hasn’t been cutting all semester (maybe).
The Choice, our favoriteNew York Timesblog, of course, loves to seize on days like this for priceless pieces. Apparently prefrosh are encountering alcohol beverages at campus social gatherings while visiting colleges, and there is question as to whether they should partake in such hazardous activities or be sober, sensible human beings. The author of the post never drank when visiting colleges, but maybe it’s best to experience campus social life without drinking. Other than the caption on the right, however, one of the real kickers comes from a non-DKE Wes alum commenter:
Ah, the eternal hypocracy of Amerikuns!
Instead of teaching young people the pros and cons of consumption of wine and beer in the home environment that is made illegal! [...]
well I remember my admissions visit to Bowdoin, where I was lodged with DKE’s from my hometown,
To those of you who are still on your feet, Happy St. Patrick’s Day! God help you if you are anywhere in Manhattan…and if you are not, heed Shane McGowan’s advice and get to where streams of whiskey are flowin’:
It is on this day that we pay commemorative tribute to the saint who imported Christianity to the Emerald Isle. Legend has it that St. Patrick was inspired to become a priest after divine Providence effected his escape from the hands of Irish raiders as a boy. Interpreting his fortuitous repatriation to Britain as a sign from God, Patrick took to the cloth and eventually returned to Ireland to spread the Catholic faith, despite the traumatic encounters of his youth. Real talk.
In any case, St. Patrick’s Day is an officially recognized public holiday in the Republic Ireland and its Northern counterpart, Newfoundland and Labrador, and this one’s the kicker…the Caribbean island of Montserrat!