This is part of our Procrastination Destination series: bringing you deliciously silly articles to help you procrastinate on your finals. Stay tuned for more in the coming days!
About two months ago, I perpetually had “write Wesleying article” on my agenda. This command must have wormed its way into my psyche, because one night I had a dream where I was miraculously compelled to write an article on all of the possible ways one could fall down in the libraries on campus. A manual, of sorts.
I woke up with the unshakeable conviction that this was an article I had to write. So here it is.
Falling Inspiration for The Chronically Uninspired
If you have been looking for the antidote to numbness, to the soul-sucking monotony that drags you like a sleepwalker over sticky carpet and really ugly linoleum, look no further. Falling is the perfect way to remind yourself that you’re not just a brain on legs, and best of all: it requires no more than 30 seconds, absolutely no forethought, and minimal cleanup. So loosen up and topple over!
Welcome to the third installment of Procrastination Destination, where Wesleying provides you #content to get you through finals!
If you’re the same type of perpetually stressed as I am, then you also decide to bake/make/chef-it-up during finals season to take some productive time off from studying or staring at Netflix, pretending to study. Baking is a ~thing that I do~ while blasting some dramatic music because at least I’m doing something, even if it isn’t homework.
I have a slightly well-known recipe for Mocha Spice cupcakes that I came up with after experimenting in the kitchen a few years back. They’ve made their way to Wesleyan a few times, notably when I baked over three dozen and delivered them to students after spring break. I normally try to bake a batch while I’m home and share the ~goods~ with friends, and it’s quickly become a favorite treat.
The thing is, I don’t *really* have a recipe. I follow this Turkish thing called göz ayar?, which directly translates to eye measurement, which completely makes sense (I hope). Essentially, I know how much to throw into the measuring bowl after making these cupcakes time and time again. The point is, the recipe’s ingredients are always in a dynamic flux depending on what I have laying at home.
The “recipe” I’m going to share is meant to be broken; it’s meant to be experimented with. If you don’t like a particular ingredient, literally just take it out. Wanna add something? Go for it! This recipe is supposed to look like absolute freakin’ chaos…because it is. This is essentially the cupcake in its core, and sometimes I play around with some ~extras~, which I’ll let you know about after getting that not-so-stable cupcake foundation set.
Nardwuar The Human Serviette is probably not the first person you’d think of when you imagine a celebrated music journalist. However he has made a name for himself through his interviews with famous rappers and musicians that he uploads on his You Tube channel. In addition to his style and distinctive hat/glasses combo, Nardwuar is known for doing scarily in depth research on his interview subjects and offering them gifts from their past inspired by his discoveries. While it’s hilarious to see your favorite artists trying to decipher who the fuck this Nardwuar dude is, Nardwuar almost always manages to get an inside look at an artist’s influence that most journalists don’t. Please enjoy this small compilation of Nardwuar’s videos. Keep rocking in the free world and doo doodoo doo doo ____________ ________________.
from arron’s fb event: “cover photo brought to you by googling “diverse screaming,” because just “screaming” is ~colorblind~”
WOW it’s already happening. Tonight at midnight, when reading period turns to exam period, is the PRIMAL SCREAM on the steps of Olin. Here’s the Facebook event if you’d like that. Shoutout to Arron Luo ’18 for making sure this gets coordinated for the past couple semesters and for keeping this Wes tradition alive.
Place: Olin steps
It’s finals and the beginning of three months of cold grey hell, so most of us are settling in to a period of grim, grouchy seasonal affective disorder. It’s also been a nightmarish year, and thus especially hard to find the bright side of anything. We Wesleying editors may be masters of cynicism and snark, but we still appreciate some kind-hearted positivity. Read after the jump for an interview with Toys Koomplee ’17, who might be the nicest, least jaded Wes person we (virtually) know.
We’ve all been stagnantly rotting this past weekend with reading period, AKA the final chill. But now, it’s here and there is no doubt that we are trembing with fear – the moment we’ve all been dreading. Finals. And, like everything that happens at Wes, taking things too far is a skill we would all get an A+ on (or a check plus but honestly what the hell is a check plus, god damn HUMANITIES, man. I don’t get that shit.) Anyway, if you burnt through our incredible Procrastination Destination posts, have been shamed by Netflix one too many times (WHAT DO YOU MEAN, “AM I STILL WATCHING?”), and are still trying to not distract yourself by eating copious amount of Weshop desserts, then I’ve got the perfect solution for you!
Arron Luo ’18 was so desperate for Primal Scream that he messaged us a whole two weeks earlier to confirm. If you, like Arron, need to get your finals angst out by screaming with a bunch of your peers, fear not.
Time: Midnight (the moment when the last day without any finals becomes a day with finals)
Place: Olin steps*
*For a while, this great FB event said this was happening on Foss. While the primal scream traditionally has taken place on the Olin steps, you do you.
Some forms of procrastination are at least somewhat productive, but this one is just straight up entertaining and useless. Behold: A list of five name generators that you can spend the next 23 minutes clicking through instead of studying for your chem final.
Scream your lungs out on the Olin steps at MIDNIGHT because finals start tomorrow!!!!
Indulge in this great Wes tradition by coming out of your bunkers in Olin and Sci-li to gather on the Olin steps and scream together about all our impending due dates and tests this week. You can also scream out your window, but there’s no communal energy in that.
Date: TONIGHT, MIDNIGHT (when Sunday turns into Monday)
Place: Olin steps
Just in time for finals week, my favorite underclassmen introduced me to an incredible app called “Trivia Crack.” The premise of the game is that you challenge your friends to games of trivia. There are six different categories that are divided on a wheel which you spin for each round: Art, Entertainment, Science, Sports, History, and Geography. The objective is to obtain every character on the wheel, by answering three questions correctly and then answering a fourth in your selected category. You can, however, supersede the three questions by spinning a “crown” on the wheel. Although the game is so addicting it runs the risk of making you less social in actual social environments (please see image to the left for evidence), I speculate that it could help you buff up for activities such as Wednesday crosswords and Tuesday night trivia at La Boca. I find the game very compelling especially since the questions run the gamut from somewhat obtuse to absurdly inane to a pleasurable trivial question to which YOU KNOW THE ANSWER!
Plus if a question even mildly pertains to one of your classes, you could pass it off as “passive studying.” For example, under the category of “Art” I was recently asked the question “Who wrote Mansfield Park?” The answer to which is Jane Austen. It just so happens that I read a Jane Austen book (Sense and Sensibility) for one of my classes this semester and will be writing a paper about the novel this coming week. BOOM. STUDYING FOR FINALS ALREADY. Kind of. Anyway, if you enjoy trivia, procrastination, being competitive in a joke-y sort of way with your friends, and questions like “What is a ‘kilt’?” (?!?!?!?), Trivia Crack is the game for you. Add me!