Tag Archives: michael bay

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The Onion: “New Michael Bay [’86] Romantic Comedy To Focus On Love Story Between 2 Explosions”

A photo that Mother Jones deems “The most Michael Bay photo in existence.”

From Holloman to Hollywood, Transformers make movie magic

The Onion, a satire publication (and “America’s Finest News Source,” according to itself), has released yet another article on Michael Bay ’86, director of films such as Transformers and Pearl Harbor. This one is entitled “New Michael Bay Romantic Comedy To Focus On Love Story Between 2 Explosions”, picking on the director’s penchant for large explosions in his films:

According to Bay, who also wrote the script for the film, the rom-com centers around a type-A helicopter blast who thinks it has it all figured out when a free-spirited diesel truck explosion unexpectedly enters its life and shakes everything up.

“It’s really a nice little story because, on paper, these massive fireballs know they are wrong for each other, but they also have this undeniable connection they can’t ignore,” said Bay, adding that he’d actually been thinking about making a pared-down film about the small, everyday interactions between detonations since studying film in college. “This movie asks common, everyday questions like, ‘How does a jet-fueled explosion find love in this day and age?’ and ‘Can a high-octane blast really settle down? Or will it always chase any cheap-thrill oil tanker explosion any chance it gets?’”

“And the movie’s funny, too,” Bay added. “When a big misunderstanding leads to one explosion blowing up the Eiffel Tower and the other destroying the Empire State Building, well, let’s just say audiences are going to get a kick out of that scene.”

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Michael Bay ’86 Drops Trailer for New Film

“Don’t worry. That’s what we specialize in here. Penis magic.”

It's got everything, from money and strippers to Mark Whalberg!

Just when you thought it was safe to go to the movies without seeing Tony Shaloub again, Michael Bay ’86 has dropped the trailer to his new “action-comedy,” Pain & Gain. Looks like we’re in for quite a ride in this 90s-Miami set bodybuilding/heist thriller (based on a true story)! If you’re looking for a new film with lines like, “You know who invented salad? Poor people” (which, as you might know, is the slogan for Michael Bay’s career), you’ll want to head to your local cinema on April 26. Bring some cocaine to sprinkle on your popcorn.

Pain & Gain stars Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Anthony Mackie, and the aforementioned Shaloub. But don’t worry. Ken Jeong and the girl who plays “Fat Amy” in that a cappella movie are also in it.

The trailer dropped a few days ago on MichaelBay.Com, or as I don’t call it, “God’s Gift to the Internet.” Peep it below and read the synopsis, via SlashFilm after the jump. Ok so it might be kinda fun.

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MUSIC
Honey and the Sting Abuzz over Kickstarter

Honey and the Sting (Sam Long ’12, Jess Best ’14, Mel Hsu ’13, Gemma Smith ’13, Howe Pearson ’12), the environmentally-conscious band that loves the Connecticut River, is recording an album! They initially formed for Sam Long’s thesis concert and have just written a 10-song album about their favorite river ever. But now they need help raising funds to mix and master the album…so they started a Kickstarter campaign! 

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Bay Watch: Help Michael Bay ’86 on Kickstarter!

“Normally the thought of an independently financed film makes me physically ill. But studios have stopped taking my pitches for movies with human protagonists.”

Guys! Michael Bay ’86, critically acclaimed misunderstood director of the Transformers series (which he recently bashed) and the occasional Victoria’s Secret commercial, needs your help. Inspired by Amanda Palmer ’98’s crowdfunding success story, Bay has taken to Kickstarter to fund his latest project, Bad Boys III, which you can be assured will feature all the hallmarks of great cinema in the Book of Bay: “10-15 story pyrotechnics, blast-proof camera cranes, chicks with big cans, with minimal-to-no popcorn fare-type elements, like story or plot.” The movie will also feature a scene in which “some guy basejumps into the space between the Statue of Liberty’s tits.” Hey, did you hear about that Sight & Sound poll?

If you donate a dollar, you will receive a personal thank-you email from Michael Bay. If you donate $25 million, you will receive a signed photo of Michael Bay on a sweet motorcycle. Seems like an obvious choice to me.

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Collaborators Share Quotes and Stories about Bay ’86

People call Michael Bay ’86 a lot of things – the Antichrist, a sell-out, even Hitler. In fact, it seems like most of the time when you hear something about Bay, it falls into one of four categories:

  1. A complaint by critics about the quality of his movies
  2. Discussion by fans about how his movies are fun to watch
  3. Acknowledgement by both parties that his movies gross a lot of money
  4. Use of his name as an adjective to describe a big explosion

This article from GQ entitled “Blow Up: An Oral History of Michael Bay, the Most Explosive Director of All Time” creates a fifth category of its own, featuring quotes from those who have worked with Bay (including chair of the Wesleyan film department, Professor Jeanine Basinger) as they “reveal the secret genius behind a true Hollywood visionary.”  The article is fantastic, and really gives you an interesting perspective – or, rather, a number of interesting perspectives – on one of Hollywood’s most controversial directors, and one of Wesleyan’s richest and most well-known alums. Read past the jump for some highlights.

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Alumni Watch: Michael Bay Bashes Transformers 2

Shia LaBeouf is kinda sorry, too.


Poor Michael Bay ’86. The more he does what Michael Bay does best (namely: bazillion-dollar blockbusters with action, explosions, and Megan Fox), the more he gets beat on. Remember that time he threatened to quit Transformers because the naysayers just don’t understand? “It’s easy to go shoot an art movie in a winery in the South of France,” Bay protested in 2009. “But people have no idea how hard it is to create something like Transformers.”

Now he’s saying maybe the critics were right: Transformers 2 really did suck. Not that it was all his fault—in an interview with Empire Magazine this week, the 46-year-old director sets the record straight:

“We made some mistakes,” admits Bay. “The real fault with [Transformers 2] is that it ran into a mystical world. When I look back at it, that was crap. The writers’ strike was coming hard and fast. It was just terrible to do a movie where you’ve got to have a story in three weeks.”

“I was prepping a movie for months where I only had 14 pages of some idea of whatthe movie was,” Bay goes on. “It’s a BS way to make a movie, do you know what I’m saying?”

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Michael Bay ’86 Directs Victoria’s Secret Commercial

It’s, um, pretty much what you’d expect a Micheal Bay-directed Victoria’s Secret commercial to look like. It previewed during the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show last Wednesday. Check it:

And thanks to anonymous shoutboxer for the tip. When I first saw this, I figured it was a parody of what a Michael Bay-directed Victoria’s Secret ad would look like. This is the real thing—but really, would a parody be any different?

For comparison’s sake, here’s Michael Bay eating a bowl of cereal:

Michael Bay to Quit Transformers?

Horror of horrors. Michael Bay ’86 is getting out of the Transformers game. Why? Because he doesn’t like negative reviews from critics.

“It’s easy to go shoot an art movie in a winery in the South of France. But people have no idea how hard it is to create something like Transformers. They (the critics) review me before they’ve even seen the movie…After the three and a half years I’ve spent making these movies, I feel like I’ve had enough of the Transformers world.”

Is there more than meets the eye for Michael Bay? Maybe:

“I need to do something totally divergent, something without any explosions.”

You can read more about this shocking turn of events here

This reminds me of the time when Michael Jordan retired from basketball and started playing baseball. And then he played in an intergalactic basketball game with Bugs Bunny, Bill Murray, and Newman against Monstars, wherein he realized that basketball was actually his true calling. Hopefully a similar set of circumstances will allow Michael Bay to see the error of his ways, resulting in an explosively awesome Bad Boys-Transformers crossover.

Michael Bay Continues To Push The Envelope Of Success

0622forbes_p090This week’s Forbes magazine  charts the creative and economic success of Director Michael Bay ’86. The article chronicles Bay’s impressive directorial history, from his Bad Boys debut to the mechanics behind  the Transformer series.

“We had no support from the studio [on Bad Boys],” says Bay in his airy Santa Monica office. “I wanted to make it exciting enough that it would make its money back.” In one of the last scenes, Smith was supposed to punch out the bad guy. But the day of the shoot was rained out, and there wasn’t enough money to bring back the crew. So Bay put up $25,000 of his $125,000 fee to shoot the scene. The movie, made for $20 million or so, went on to bring in $140 million at the box office globally.

“I didn’t get points on that,” says Bay, referring to the chunk of the profits big players get from a movie. “I had to beg to even get my [$25,000] back.” The experience made Bay smarter about negotiating deals. He took fees on his next two films, The Rock and Armageddon, but by 2000 he decided he wanted to be more than a director for hire and insisted on part ownership. […]

Then there’s Digital Domain, a visual-effects house started by James Cameron (director, Titanic) that Bay bought in 2007 with his business partner, John Textor. The company had fallen on hard times because of executive infighting, so they were able to pick it up for $35 million. Textor hired several effects wizards from George Lucas’ Industrial Light & Magic with the idea of producing superrealistic videogames. Digital Domain broke new ground last year with the Oscar-winning special effects in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

Here’s a taste of Bay’s Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen out June 24th.  Show some loyalty, Wesleyan, and make this another one of Bay’s box office successes.