Tomorrow’s the big day: at 4 p.m., a shit-ton of extremely stressed out, sleep-deprived (but certainly not sex-deprived) seniors who’ve been subsisting on Weshop food, bad coffee, and despair for the past year will finally see the light. We salute you.
Read on to see out latest installment of THESISCRAZY (featuring a certain Dear Leader…).
Zach Schonfeld ’13 is bringing it back, baby. The topic, I mean. Not the actual thing. The topic.
Pictured: President Roth answers student questions regarding need-blind at a forum in September. Photo by Rachel Pincus ’13.
Remember way back when the campus was all talking about need-blind and stuff? Man, when was that? Oh oh, only three months ago?! Are you sure? What happened?!
Need-blind has been conspicuously absent from campus discussion lately. (I would have put a link in that last sentence but really, nobody’s talked about it much in months.) Many of need-blind’s most fervent and vocal advocates have burned out, have moved on, have grown hoarse from what seems to be a stagnant discussion. (Have forgotten?)
Fortunately, Our Most Glorious and Dear Leader Zach is having none of that. His recent article in USA Today College focuses on recent activism taking place among alumni rather than students, describing a “poignant patchwork of alumni perspectives” manifesting themselves in a plethora of petitions recently circulating amongst alumni. First there was one asking alums to withhold donations (for reasons involving sexual assault as well as need-blind), then came Lana Wilson ’05’s more recent Change.org petition. Zach’s bit discusses the general alumni response, covering both sides of the donation argument and everything in between. There is also a quote from President Roth, responding to the alumni voices:
About two weeks ago, we made a post about the fact that Our Dear Leader Zach had completed his 1,200th Wesleying post. Today, we take a break from our normal campus-life blogging (and I take a break from my abroad-induced blogging hiatus) to worship him
a little more than usual.
It has been said that the 22nd birthday is not particularly exciting from a legal standpoint, but we at Wesleying disagree. Zach, here are some things to celebrate on this most triumphant day:
- You have been able to drink legally for a full year!
- It’s been four years since you registered with Selective Service and you have not been drafted for the army yet.
- It’s also been four years since you were able to go to real prison (as opposed to juvenile prison) if you had gotten arrested, but as far as we know this hasn’t happened, so congratulations!
- Starting today, you only have to wait for 3 more years before you can rent a car.
- Your age is now the same regardless of the order of digits. This won’t happen again until you’re 33.
What can the rest of us do to celebrate Zach‘s 22nd birthday? We can:
- Agree to name our firstborn child “Zach”
- For this day only, declare a truce on our vendetta with the letter “Z”
- Spend 3 hours at the Zach shrine instead of the ordinary, culturally-mandated 2
- Hook up with one of campus’s 30 Zachs in honor of Zach
- Say happy birthday to him in person
- Say happy birthday to him via the phone
- Say happy birthday to him via internet (Facebook, email, Twitter, campus blog)
- Say happy birthday to him via the comments below.
- Please include the required donation of 14.8 billion rubles. We accept cash only.