CW: gore, violence
Remember the time Leonardo DiCaprio died in the freezing ocean? Or maybe the time he entered a dream within a dream within a dream? Cool moments, right?
Wrong. Not compared to this. None of those Leo moments even come close to his best performance of all: the time he got attacked by a massive CGI grizzly bear for literally four minutes straight.
Imagine something that takes less time than four minutes. Now imagine a different thing (I’m sure that first thing will improve). It seriously blows my mind that the director chose to spend that much time on this scene. It is just an absurdly unnecessary amount of bear attack.
And it is such a strange scene because the bear attack happens three separate times. When you watch the video be sure to note the timestamp at which the bear attack should have ended. That’s right. It’s at ninety two seconds. There is an extra two and half minutes for the bear to come back and put in the work. And then it does. Twice!
It just adds nothing to the movie, and maybe that’s why I love it so much. It’s such an honest moment of BS spectacle that exists because they had the money and the actor capable of grunting so well. I’d like to think I’d create something similar with those resources.
So, yeah, watch the best four minutes in movie history after you inevitably get eliminated from tonight’s HQ because airwes lags and screws your chances at $1,500 divided evenly amongst 1,600 people.
We’re almost at finals week, which means it’s time for Wesleying’s biannual Procrastination Destination feature. If you’re like me, you’re probably wondering why you haven’t started studying yet. You should probably start studying… But if you need a good study break, you might as well procrastinate while learning new things.
So on that note, let me introduce you to Wikipedia Racing!
There are two forms of the game that you can play. The first version of the game is something that you play with your friends. The rules are simple:
- Choose an article to start on, and an article to end on. (For example, start on Justin Bieber, end on candy canes)
- You have to get from the first article to the destination article by only clicking on links within the wikipedia articles.
- First person to get to the ending article wins!
- For an extra challenge, you can add rules like no using the back button, or you can’t click through the United States (hot wikipedia racing tip, you can get to almost anything from the United States Wikipedia article). You can also change the rules and say that the person who finds the shortest path to the destination article wins, regardless of how long it takes. You can really add any rules you want to, it’s a very flexible game.
Using the example I gave before (Justin Bieber to candy canes), here is a demonstration of how Wikipedia racing works.
Justin Bieber –> Under the Mistletoe –> Christmas Music –> Christmas –> Candy Canes
That was a pretty easy example, but you can do some really weird ones, like Limes to the Treaty of Versailles, or Las Meninas to Wesleyan University. Maybe you can trick yourself into feeling like you are studying by choosing topics for the start/end articles that are related to your work. If you are having trouble thinking of articles, try the random Wikipedia article generator.
As for the other version of Wikipedia Racing, maybe you want to procrastinate alone in the library, or you don’t want your friends to see you avoiding your work. Fear not! There is also an antisocial version of Wikipedia Racing that you can play online. The online version of the game decides the start and end articles for you (you can’t even pretend like you are studying), but it is still a great way to avoid your work.
Nardwuar The Human Serviette is probably not the first person you’d think of when you imagine a celebrated music journalist. However he has made a name for himself through his interviews with famous rappers and musicians that he uploads on his You Tube channel. In addition to his style and distinctive hat/glasses combo, Nardwuar is known for doing scarily in depth research on his interview subjects and offering them gifts from their past inspired by his discoveries. While it’s hilarious to see your favorite artists trying to decipher who the fuck this Nardwuar dude is, Nardwuar almost always manages to get an inside look at an artist’s influence that most journalists don’t. Please enjoy this small compilation of Nardwuar’s videos. Keep rocking in the free world and doo doodoo doo doo ____________ ________________.
Autonomous sensory meridian response, or ASMR, is a thing you’ve probably heard of. There have been internet communities devoted to the phenomenon for some time now. It all supposedly started with an internet forum founded in 2007 called “Weird sensation feels good.” Searching ‘ASMR’ on YouTube now produces more than 7 million results, and the term is now widespread in the meme vernacular. These videos typically consist of an ‘ASMRtist’ speaking softly into an ultra-sensitive microphone and generating other sounds from crinkling paper, tapping their nails, painting, you name it. And this is supposed to give you the tinglies.
Now, I didn’t want to do a Procrastination Destination post on ASMR writ large. That would be much too stale. Instead, I have decided to focus on a subgenre of ASMR videos that was founded at the intersection of another popular and inexplicable YouTube genre: Unboxing videos.
The genre has been around just a tad longer than ASMR videos. According to the Unboxing wiki, the first incarnation of the modern unboxing video was this one of a guy unboxing a Nokia E61, uploaded to YouTube in 2006. The gist of the genre: people open up shit that they buy and record their reactions.
Now, as with many intersections, the genesis of the ASMR unboxing subgenre is unclear. But, as you will see, it is heavily populated. Here are some vids, for your procrastination:
What better time than the end of the year to finally learn how to cook? Now is the time to try some fun new recipes as you clean out your kitchen, and the internet has lots of excellent tutorials that can help you sharpen your skills… or not. If you are looking for useful advice, today’s procrastination destination probably will not help you. But perhaps this collection of intentionally bad internet cooking tutorials will serve as good examples of what not to do. Read after the jump for more:
This is it, folks, the last procrastination destination I will write for Wesleying. (Assuming, that is, that I keep my own procrastination in check enough to graduate…) Today’s procrastination destination is exemplary: completely useless, shockingly time-consuming, destructive, self-deprecating, and at times, oddly sweet. It’s also a truly collaborative effort: someone made a half hour compilation video of themself cutting various objects with a very hot knife, someone else captioned said video, someone else watched and then sent it to me, I watched the entire thing during finals last December, took screen shots of much of it and wrote this ridiculous post, and you, dear reader, are wasting time on the fruits of all of our labor. Read after the jump for many screenshots and a link to the original video.
(kitab posted this pic bc it’s too cute not to share)
Today I learned that there is a website dedicated to streaming animal cuteness, and proceeded to lose 2 hours that should have been spent writing a paper.
You can choose to watch sloths, kittens, penguins and even cockroaches.
Proceed with caution, and only if you do not value your time.
My only qualm is that they have yet to dedicate one to squirrels. Although, attaching a GoPro to my head and following squirrels on campus might become a reality in my near future.
be the dot, become the dot
Agar.io is a game that my friend Joomy Korkut ’17 showed me maybe two years ago, and the basic premise is this — you are a dot. You use your mouse to move your dot around the screen in a network of other dots. When you run into a smaller dot, you absorb it into your body and you get a little bit bigger. But when you run into a bigger dot, you get absorbed by that body and you lose. The catch is that bigger dots move much much slower than smaller dots, so it’s easy to run away from the big dot monsters for a while.
While scrolling through Facebook recently, I came across this clip from a British TV show called The Secret Life of 4, 5, and 6 Year Olds. Essentially, the show follows some kids in their preschool. As the kids interact, hidden cameras are catching what they say. Then, a group of developmental psychologists tunes in to the footage, commenting on the significance of the kids’ actions.
I took this as a sign that, during finals week, I was meant to write 1200 words on weird musical anime videos.
Part of the beauty of the internet (for all its ugly features) is how its many oddities and curiosities can exist online and nowhere else, only venturing outside into the real world once they’ve been shared as a meme enough times. But what might be considered just a weird cyber trend in some circles may be a huge cultural phenomenon in others. Take Japanese game shows, for instance. Or, another transplant from Japan: anime music videos.
Oh, so like Gorillaz? Or that Daft Punk movie? Not exactly. Often referred to as AMVs, these videos that can be found all over YouTube are not “official” by any means. They aren’t made or commissioned by Japanese animation studios, nor are they promotional videos for the songs/artists featured in them. By their definition, AMVs are 100% fan-made. And yet, for some, they’ve ascended to the status of high art.