Welcome to the fourth installment of Procrastination Destination, where Wesleying provides you #content to get you through finals!
Hello fellow procrastinators! I, like many (most) of you, have countless essays to write this finals szn. And I’m sure, like many (most) of you, you have an increasingly limited amount of time to complete said essays this finals szn.
However, if any of you find yourself in a place where you feel your typing is not fast enough, that if only you could transport your brilliant thoughts to paper at a more rapid pace you could get the “A” you’ve always wanted in that really hard soc class, I have found an activity for you.
You need look no further than the website 10 Fast Fingers, which will test how many words you can type per minute, or your “RPM”.
Welcome to the third installment of Procrastination Destination, where Wesleying provides you #content to get you through finals!
If you’re the same type of perpetually stressed as I am, then you also decide to bake/make/chef-it-up during finals season to take some productive time off from studying or staring at Netflix, pretending to study. Baking is a ~thing that I do~ while blasting some dramatic music because at least I’m doing something, even if it isn’t homework.
I have a slightly well-known recipe for Mocha Spice cupcakes that I came up with after experimenting in the kitchen a few years back. They’ve made their way to Wesleyan a few times, notably when I baked over three dozen and delivered them to students after spring break. I normally try to bake a batch while I’m home and share the ~goods~ with friends, and it’s quickly become a favorite treat.
The thing is, I don’t *really* have a recipe. I follow this Turkish thing called göz ayar?, which directly translates to eye measurement, which completely makes sense (I hope). Essentially, I know how much to throw into the measuring bowl after making these cupcakes time and time again. The point is, the recipe’s ingredients are always in a dynamic flux depending on what I have laying at home.
The “recipe” I’m going to share is meant to be broken; it’s meant to be experimented with. If you don’t like a particular ingredient, literally just take it out. Wanna add something? Go for it! This recipe is supposed to look like absolute freakin’ chaos…because it is. This is essentially the cupcake in its core, and sometimes I play around with some ~extras~, which I’ll let you know about after getting that not-so-stable cupcake foundation set.
Welcome to the second installment of Procrastination Destination, where Wesleying provides you #content to get you through finals!
At least once a day, we get a Google Alerts email in the staff inbox letting us know when Wesleyan is mentioned around the web. Lately, I’ve been collecting some of the more interesting links, but no one has gotten around to actually writing a full post about any of them. Instead of just sitting on this collection, I figured, what do millennials love more than a good listicle? So here we are!
Read below the jump for a collection of recent-ish alumni, student, professor, and Middletown news!
Welcome to the first installment of Procrastination Destination, where Wesleying provides you #content to get you through finals!
Mariah Carey in December
Like any good Wesleyan student during finals season, I’ve got Mariah on my mind:
On the day after Thanksgiving, Mariah Carey awakens from her slumber. Her eyelids flutter open and she takes a big breath in, stretching her arms and cracking her back. She senses the slight change in the air, a little spring in her step, and sees in the mirror that she looks about five years younger. Christmas is upon us, she whispers with a grin.
CW: gore, violence
Remember the time Leonardo DiCaprio died in the freezing ocean? Or maybe the time he entered a dream within a dream within a dream? Cool moments, right?
Wrong. Not compared to this. None of those Leo moments even come close to his best performance of all: the time he got attacked by a massive CGI grizzly bear for literally four minutes straight.
Imagine something that takes less time than four minutes. Now imagine a different thing (I’m sure that first thing will improve). It seriously blows my mind that the director chose to spend that much time on this scene. It is just an absurdly unnecessary amount of bear attack.
And it is such a strange scene because the bear attack happens three separate times. When you watch the video be sure to note the timestamp at which the bear attack should have ended. That’s right. It’s at ninety two seconds. There is an extra two and half minutes for the bear to come back and put in the work. And then it does. Twice!
It just adds nothing to the movie, and maybe that’s why I love it so much. It’s such an honest moment of BS spectacle that exists because they had the money and the actor capable of grunting so well. I’d like to think I’d create something similar with those resources.
So, yeah, watch the best four minutes in movie history after you inevitably get eliminated from tonight’s HQ because airwes lags and screws your chances at $1,500 divided evenly amongst 1,600 people.
We’re almost at finals week, which means it’s time for Wesleying’s biannual Procrastination Destination feature. If you’re like me, you’re probably wondering why you haven’t started studying yet. You should probably start studying… But if you need a good study break, you might as well procrastinate while learning new things.
So on that note, let me introduce you to Wikipedia Racing!
There are two forms of the game that you can play. The first version of the game is something that you play with your friends. The rules are simple:
- Choose an article to start on, and an article to end on. (For example, start on Justin Bieber, end on candy canes)
- You have to get from the first article to the destination article by only clicking on links within the wikipedia articles.
- First person to get to the ending article wins!
- For an extra challenge, you can add rules like no using the back button, or you can’t click through the United States (hot wikipedia racing tip, you can get to almost anything from the United States Wikipedia article). You can also change the rules and say that the person who finds the shortest path to the destination article wins, regardless of how long it takes. You can really add any rules you want to, it’s a very flexible game.
Using the example I gave before (Justin Bieber to candy canes), here is a demonstration of how Wikipedia racing works.
Justin Bieber –> Under the Mistletoe –> Christmas Music –> Christmas –> Candy Canes
That was a pretty easy example, but you can do some really weird ones, like Limes to the Treaty of Versailles, or Las Meninas to Wesleyan University. Maybe you can trick yourself into feeling like you are studying by choosing topics for the start/end articles that are related to your work. If you are having trouble thinking of articles, try the random Wikipedia article generator.
As for the other version of Wikipedia Racing, maybe you want to procrastinate alone in the library, or you don’t want your friends to see you avoiding your work. Fear not! There is also an antisocial version of Wikipedia Racing that you can play online. The online version of the game decides the start and end articles for you (you can’t even pretend like you are studying), but it is still a great way to avoid your work.
Nardwuar The Human Serviette is probably not the first person you’d think of when you imagine a celebrated music journalist. However he has made a name for himself through his interviews with famous rappers and musicians that he uploads on his You Tube channel. In addition to his style and distinctive hat/glasses combo, Nardwuar is known for doing scarily in depth research on his interview subjects and offering them gifts from their past inspired by his discoveries. While it’s hilarious to see your favorite artists trying to decipher who the fuck this Nardwuar dude is, Nardwuar almost always manages to get an inside look at an artist’s influence that most journalists don’t. Please enjoy this small compilation of Nardwuar’s videos. Keep rocking in the free world and doo doodoo doo doo ____________ ________________.
Autonomous sensory meridian response, or ASMR, is a thing you’ve probably heard of. There have been internet communities devoted to the phenomenon for some time now. It all supposedly started with an internet forum founded in 2007 called “Weird sensation feels good.” Searching ‘ASMR’ on YouTube now produces more than 7 million results, and the term is now widespread in the meme vernacular. These videos typically consist of an ‘ASMRtist’ speaking softly into an ultra-sensitive microphone and generating other sounds from crinkling paper, tapping their nails, painting, you name it. And this is supposed to give you the tinglies.
Now, I didn’t want to do a Procrastination Destination post on ASMR writ large. That would be much too stale. Instead, I have decided to focus on a subgenre of ASMR videos that was founded at the intersection of another popular and inexplicable YouTube genre: Unboxing videos.
The genre has been around just a tad longer than ASMR videos. According to the Unboxing wiki, the first incarnation of the modern unboxing video was this one of a guy unboxing a Nokia E61, uploaded to YouTube in 2006. The gist of the genre: people open up shit that they buy and record their reactions.
Now, as with many intersections, the genesis of the ASMR unboxing subgenre is unclear. But, as you will see, it is heavily populated. Here are some vids, for your procrastination:
What better time than the end of the year to finally learn how to cook? Now is the time to try some fun new recipes as you clean out your kitchen, and the internet has lots of excellent tutorials that can help you sharpen your skills… or not. If you are looking for useful advice, today’s procrastination destination probably will not help you. But perhaps this collection of intentionally bad internet cooking tutorials will serve as good examples of what not to do. Read after the jump for more:
This is it, folks, the last procrastination destination I will write for Wesleying. (Assuming, that is, that I keep my own procrastination in check enough to graduate…) Today’s procrastination destination is exemplary: completely useless, shockingly time-consuming, destructive, self-deprecating, and at times, oddly sweet. It’s also a truly collaborative effort: someone made a half hour compilation video of themself cutting various objects with a very hot knife, someone else captioned said video, someone else watched and then sent it to me, I watched the entire thing during finals last December, took screen shots of much of it and wrote this ridiculous post, and you, dear reader, are wasting time on the fruits of all of our labor. Read after the jump for many screenshots and a link to the original video.