Got a last minute submission today.

Student: I’m on my third tab of adderall and I haven’t slept all night, so I’m sort of out of it today. So sorry if this comment is a little crass, I’m high.
Professor: Hey, me too, buddy.

Got a professor who tends to say wacky things? Send them to us at wesleying(at)gmail.com and we’ll post them every Wednesday! (Maybe every day if we get a lot.) But surely every Wednesday!

• (after a student mentions that he just contradicted himself from the last lecture) “The answer is this: hamsters make lousy pets. Never buy your kid a hamster. They die within a week and get stuck in the tubes in the cage.”

• “I could easily have a crush on Mary Pickford…if she weren’t dead. But, look at this picture – oooh, Mary!”

• “Mary Pickford married Douglas Fairbanks because he was the only one who had achieved that level of fame. Except for Chaplin. But who would want to marry him?”

• “If Mary Pickford wanted me to change her grade, I probably would. Because she wouldn’t give up. And she would be cute the whole time. And I’d be smacking her and beating her and drinking and smoking and she would be calling the neighbors…”

• “That’s what you get for getting tenure… now I can talk about how hot Mary Pickford is. Maybe ‘hot’ is the wrong word… she’s America’s sweet-heart!”

• “Stars are better than us.”

• “Will Smith and I could have been the same. He could have gone to college, he could have become a film professor; my rap career could have taken off…”

• “Life is never this romantic! Never ever ever ever ever EVER! Not when you get married, not when you propose to your wife. You will never have this lighting, it will never be blue. And you look into the mirror and cry. I was married… I still am… and it’s not like this! And I look in the mirror and see my framed picture of Will Smith and I cry because I will never be that beautiful.”

• “I want to *be* Mary Pickford. What a strange, strange man I am.”