Tag Archives: sarcasm

Wesleyan Endorses Romney-Ryan?

We all know that Wesleyan bleeds cardinal red with conservatism, and now there’s yet another ranking to prove it.  As an alum puts it, “we were out-leftied by a school in Arkansas,” coming in at #15 of the Newsweek/College Prowler Most Liberal Colleges Ranking.  This comes only a year after the Princeton Review induced a campus-wide identity crisis by implying that Wesleyan is no longer weird.  To comfort your faint liberal to very liberal heart, please observe the reassuring photographic evidence of our liberalness above and repeatedly watch footage of Andrew Beritbart taking a swing at our good ole Methodist name.

Warren Wilson College in Swannanoa, NC comes in as the most liberal school in America.  College Prowler tells us that the best things at Warren Wilson include the view of the mountains and the farm.  Meanwhile, the worst include such unrelatable things as the cost of tuition and “getting trapped in the Wilson bubble.”  Transfer applications are due November 15.

Newsweek, with financial problems that make Wesleyan look profitable, has been trying lately to seduce readers with everything from asparagus to college rankings (why not? everyone else is doing it!).  The Huffington Post’s thoughtful analysis of these results describes the process: “Newsweek said it partnered with College Prowler to have students rank their schools by how liberal they felt the philosophy on campus was.”  They’ve got our numbers though:

Vermont Governor Attacked by Bears During Daring Birdseed Rescue

Wesleyan alumnus Peter Shumlin ’79, the sitting Democratic Governor of Vermont, mounted a daring rescue of his bird-feeders in the face of staunch opposition represented by four bears on Wednesday night. As he was falling asleep at his home in the Vermont capital Montpelier, a group of blackbears entered the area and began assaulting his bird-feeders, hoping to capture the tasty birdseed held within. Unarmed and slightly groggy, Shumlin shouted at the bears to scare them off but upon the bears’ repeated return was forced to remove the bird-feeders from their vulnerable tactical position and secure them within the safety of his house. The bears put up stiff and aggressive resistance: “I was within three feet of getting ‘arrrh'” Shumlin stated afterwards. “You almost lost the governor. Security was not there.”

Nevertheless, Shumlin did manage to safely recover most of the bird-seed and the feeders, and was not harmed. He may now continue his bird-feeding hobby, which he says remains his “only connection to nature” while in the city. Vermont’s Fish and Wildlife Department, however, has urged homeowners throughout the state not to use bird-feeders at this time of year, citing the general abundance of food for birds and the attractiveness of birdseed to bears coming out of hibernation. The full story can be found here on Vemont Public Radio.