Tag Archives: satire

The Onion Loves Wesleyan: Through the Ages

If there existed a short list of classic Wesleying posts (note: there doesn’t, though there should), Ishukus 2007 rundown of the most interesting Wes-related articles in the New York Times archives would undoubtedly make the cut. Woven into the post you’ll find primary source information regarding the early 2000s chalking debacle, the 1990 firebombing of President Chase’s office, the 2000 “Naked Dorm” controversy—basically, crucial facets in semi-recent Wes history. If you haven’t already perused it, take the time now. I’ll wait.

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Anyway. Relevant Wes mentions in the country’s most prestigious newspaper show one side of the school. Mentions in the bitingly satirical realm, albeit fictional, show another, snapshotting cultural notions of Wesleyan in the popular mind at least as well as any snarky Daily Show punchline. So it’s in the spirit of that classic Wesleying throwback that I’m posting some (all?) of Wesleyan’s mentions in The Onion archives, dating back to 1999. Is it any surprise they have us pegged as harboring vaguely environmental, unequivocally impassioned anti-straw-hegemony activism?

Wes Professor on ONN

Don’t you just get a thrill every time a Wesleyan professor is featured by some news organization?  News organizations constantly turn to university professors to use their expertise to weigh in on any given topic, whether it be CNN, The New York Times, or even The Washington Post.  But this Wes Prof, “Dr. Robert Woodson, Professor of American Studies” was featured on the ever-trusted ONN (Onion News Network) to speak on how the end of print journalism will affect old loons who hoard newspapers.

How Will The End Of Print Journalism Affect Old Loons Who Hoard Newspapers?

Thanks Aaron for the tip.

Onion: “New College Graduates To Be Cryogenically Frozen Until Job Market Improves”

Sometimes The Onion gets it so right it hurts. Hard. And by “sometimes” I clearly mean “most of the time.” Here’s a bold solution to recession-related graduation woes that makes way more sense than it probably ever should:

In a bold new measure intended to address unemployment among young professionals, lawmakers from across the political spectrum agreed on legislation Tuesday to subsidize the cryogenic freezing of recent college graduates until the job market recovers. . . .

“Were we to freeze these graduates at the height of vigor and ambition, however, there’s a chance we could revive them during a more prosperous time,” Hutchinson continued. “When the economy finally bounces back—10, 20, even 30 years from now—we’ll have an entire generation thawed out and ready to contribute.”

Totally Offensive

I know much of the blogosphere is talking about the horribly offensive New Yorker cover featuring Barack Obama dressed as a Muslim, but I personally would like to talk about another piece of infuriating media that offends my liberal sensibilities:


That’s right, Jonathan Swift’s 1729 treatise about how the Irish might alleviate their poverty by selling their children for food.

How dare Jonathan Swift perpetuate stereotypes of the Irish as being both poor and delicious! With lines like “A young healthy child well nursed, is, at a year old, a most delicious nourishing and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee, or a ragout” Jonathan swift ignores the plight of Papists everywhere, who have to contend with being objectified as delicious treats, perfect with a good ale, imported from the colonies.

Now, I know the piece is meant as irony and satire, but, beyond being unfunny (in my ever-so-humble opinion) much of our nation still believes that the Irish would make a fine delicacy. And, what’s more, because most people outside of our elite liberal arts school have no understanding of subtlety or humor, this essay will only perpetuate these ugly, yet mouthwatering stereotypes of the Irish. So shame on ye, Jonathan Swift, for offending both myself and millions of proud Irish folk with your bilious drivel. You will not get another penny-farthing from me!

Suggested further reading:
Rush Limbaugh was Right @ Salon.com
The New Yorker Draws Fire @ Slate

The Onion makes fun of Michael Bay

Michael Bay ’86 has been getting kicked around in the press lately, especially by Gawker for his role in a Verizon ad in which he mocks himself and his penchant for big special effects—and even bigger explosions.

And now The Onion has jumped on board, writing that Bay bought advertising time during the Oscars to show a meticulously produced spot in which he receives a CGI-crafted Oscar for best director:

A leading team of CGI experts hand-selected by blockbuster producer and director Michael Bay has pushed the limits of what can be accomplished with special effects and digital imaging by creating a computer-generated best-director Oscar for the 43-year-old filmmaker.

“Viewers are going to be blown away by how believable-looking we’ve been able to make Michael Bay accepting the highest award in film appear,” said senior technical director Zsolt Krajcsik, who also worked with Bay on the 2003 film Bad Boys II. “The podium, the backdrop, the sense of creative achievement that hangs about him—it’s all so vivid and detailed that you’d swear it was real.”

I’m sure you missed the commercial, so when The Onion posts the video, I’ll be sure to let you know.