You’re not going out tonight.
I don’t give a fuck that you’ve just launched a personal campaign to “SOSS” (Save Our Social Scene).
Tonight’s a night of glorious gloom and you’re gonna get some ice cream and listen to the soul-penetrating voice of your football-playing-ex-crush-from-high-school’s favorite British songstress. And, Jesus, are you gonna sob.
We, the angst-ridden, internet-obsessed staff of whateverthisfuckingsiteis ARE HERE FOR YOU!!! We have compiled a list of our favorite places on campus to have a good cry. For your sorrow, we have also included various positions and objects that you may find to enhance your *experience* (crying). By God, let’s give this album a listen. SERENADE ME, ADELE. IT’S BEEN 4 YEARS.
In no particular order (oh look, there’s 25), here’s where and how to properly sob to Adele on this campus:
Uh, we won?
In February, the Foundation for Individual Rights in Education (FIRE) flagged Wesleyan for contradicting its own commitment to freedom of speech with what it deems “substantial restrictions on students’ expressive rights” and named us Speech Code of the Month. Wesleyan last drew FIRE’s ire in 2011, during the infamous Beta-Gate, when they chastised The_Real_MRoth in an open letter for restricting our freedom of assembly with his changes to the university’s housing policy.
What exactly, you might ask, is a speech code? According to their website, “FIRE defines a ‘speech code’ as any university regulation or policy that prohibits expression that would be protected by the First Amendment in society at large.” In this case, FIRE is drawing attention to a clause in Wesleyan’s Student Handbook on discrimination and harassment.
The right to abstain from performing acts and the right to be protected against actions that may be harmful to the health or emotional stability of the individual or that degrade the individual or infringe upon his/her personal dignity.
The Social, Cultural, and Critical Theory Certificate, here represented by the magnificent and bald Professor Uli Plass, wants you to know that their weekly lecture series will be kicking off today with Lucy Guenova’s introduction to her homeboy Immanuel Kant. Future speakers will include Judith Butler (!), the Real MRoth, and the series will finish up with Miri Nakamura on Otakuology (What is Okatuology? I have no idea. Let’s find out.)
Date: Wednesday, January 30th (but also every Wednesday)
Time: 4:15 – 5:30 pm
Place: Downey House 113
Here’s the full schedule.
It’s been a busy weekend for Wesleyan (armed robberies, stressed thesis-writers, and police dogs, oh my), but we didn’t forget: it’s April 8. On behalf of Wesleying, I’m thrilled to wish a very happy birthday to everyone’s favorite university administrator and WesCeleb extraordinaire, Michael S. Roth ’78. You’re 55! You don’t look a day past 47! Go nuts!
Of course, the birthday boy has been celebrating in typical nonstop Roth fashion: by penning yet another Huffington Post column, this one focusing on the issues accepted students must contend with as they spend this month deciding where to matriculate. “Size, of course, matters,” the president wryly admits. But, just as important, “I find myself suggesting that they get a feel for the student culture of the schools in which they are interested.” The president, who has apparently taken a liken to Wesleyan’s recent USA Today fame, goes on to rave about the “vibrant music and film contexts that seem to fuel independent rock and hip-hop on the one hand, and popular film and TV on the other.”