Confession: I spent my Friday night watching Rebel Wilson try to make “dicksand” happen in the new movie How To Be Single, but it was all in the name of Wesleyan-related ~journalism~.

For those of you who don’t know, How To Be Single is the tale of a recent graduate (played by fake pubes-wearing Dakota Johnson) after she breaks up with her college sweetheart and has a quarter-life crisis (so eccentric!). Luckily, her rambunctious gal pal Rebel Wilson is there to make as many phallic jokes as possible in under two hours, and a lot of debauchery sets in as these ladies and their friends Leslie Mann and Alison Brie deal with the dudebro-infested waters of modern dating.

I don’t think it was possible for me to want to see this movie less, until this mysterious tweet popped up:

Wonder how much @wesleyan_u paid to be featured in new movie @HowToBeSingle?

— Cambi Brown (@CambiBrown) February 10, 2016

WHAT THE GODDAMN HELL?? We obviously followed up and this conversation ensued: