Tag Archives: tinder

The 5 Day Lifespan of My Tinder Profile

I received this, and was overall just incredible confused. Like, where are you trying to go here?! Are you trying to emulate some sort of grandpa meme? If so, why do you think grandpa meme will be remotely successful? I just have so many questions.

Around a week ago, my FYS was cancelled, which meant that I had the entire day to myself. So, instead of being a decent student and getting ahead of the game, I decide that the rainy day should be dedicated to *self care*. Wearing a bell sleeved sweater, I have a ~lil photo shoot~ with a friend. These pictures actually look pretty awesome, and so, they make their way to my instagram feed.

Since the weather is so shitty, my friends and I stay in and order Hachi for dinner. I order far too much food for myself, but it’s okay because who doesn’t want seafood udon and some sushi? After I finish all of this, I have a seemingly fantastic idea: trek from Bennet to Weshop, and purchase a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.

I return to my friend’s room, and we begin indulging. Naturally, in this rainy-day food stupor, my friends decide to go through their Tinder profiles. Now, I am the last person to do anything Tinder-related.. I just can’t take social interaction via the internet seriously. Trying to make their bios slightly interesting, my friends are throwing ideas back and forth. I chime in, immediately making every bio snarkier and suggesting a more “This is all bullshit” vibe.

“Wait, Mel, you’d have such a cool Tinder profile. You have such artistic photos of yourself,” one of my friends says, which is where this story truly begins.

After approximately ten minutes of my craftily articulated resistance, she says “It could totally be for research purposes. Like a social experiment.” And I really can’t object to social experiments, because I am inherently curious and am also weak-willed when it comes to being sassy on the Internet. So, after receiving a crash course on how the app works, learning to never swipe up, I am on Tinder. I am on Tinder, I say to myself, slightly disappointed that I’ve given in to yet another aspect of Internet culture.

I kept up with the Tinder game for approximately five days, until things got boring and frankly, just strange. Take a look: