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Liveblog: WSA Presidential Debate

Greetings from Usdan. The esteemed BZOD and I are awaiting the start of the annual WSA Presidential Debate, featuring presidential candidates Mari Jarris ’14, Nicole Updegrove ’14, and Keith Conway ’16 (each of whom you’ll get to know more when we publish a group interview with the candidates in a few days). As I write this, BZOD is shamelessly fraternizing with the candidates, who are all smiling in a most political manner. We’re hoping to continue a tradition started by the great frostedmoose several years ago, though we can’t expect to match his poetic fervor or unparalleled wit. We can only hope he’s following along somewhere shaking his head furiously and deliriously throwing cat memes at a wall.

Apparently this debate is livestreaming somewhere, but I don’t have time to find the link because it’s about to start. If you care enough to livestream it, you’re probably here in Usdan anyway.

Liveblog entries appear after the jump.

Word Game Night @ Shapiro

theapples
Anna Swartz ’13
is sick and tired of writing puns about board games, so don’t push your luck:

Come to Word Game Night at the Shapiro Center! 8 -9:30 on Tuesday night. Scrabble your way over to the corner of Church and High. There will be Boggle. It’s going to be Bananas(grams). Also we have Apples to Apples and Taboo. I couldn’t come up with jokes for those because I am writing a thesis and I am really tired. But there are also prizes! And snacks! And the whole event is FREE!!!!

Date: Tonight, April 9
Time: 8:00 p.m. – 9:30 p.m.
Place: Shapiro Center
Cost: Free

Video: Columbia Prof Strips in Front of Class, Assumes Fetal Position

Note to Wes: here’s how to make NSM credits less of a chore.

Because Quantum Mechanics and dadaist performance art go together like peas and carrots, Columbia University Professor of Physics, Emlyn Hughes, was spotted yesterday stripping to his boxers, donning a hoodie and sunglasses, attacking a stuffed animal with a samurai sword, and assuming the fetal position to the tune of Snoop Dogg’s “Drop It Like It’s Hot”—all in front of a full lecture class.  Oh, and apparently ninjas and puppets were involved in the harrowing display, too. At any rate, it turns out the only effective way to learn Quantum Mechanics is to “strip to your raw, erase all the garbage from your brain, and start over again.”

Fall Break Is A Thing That Is Happening Now Here

Hey guys, Fall Break. It’s just a four-day weekend, but that’s okay with us. Wesleying will be a bit quiet over the next few days. Frankly, we’re still pretty pooped from getting a little schwasty during the Vice Presidential Debate last night, but don’t mind us. Everything’s cool. If you’re looking for somewhere else to procrastinate, I humbly recommend Pretty Colors.

If you’re having yourself an old-fashioned staycation (side note: this Wikipedia article has one of the best photo choices imaginable), do remember to eat. Marco’s Deli is your friend. Red & Black is open regular hours all weekend. Main Street is only like two blocks away. Usdan will not be your destination. Here’s a glimpse at the Fall Break Dining Hours on campus:

FUCK YEAH PROCRASTINATION: PronunciationManual

Well, no, actually. Fuck Yeah Nouns is apparently defunct, gone the way of GeoCities and Netscape Navigator and everything else you’ve ever loved, its mysterious algorithm somehow exhausted beyond repair. Try it. FUCK YEAH DIDN’T FIND SHIT. FUCK YEAH DIDN’T FIND SHIT. FUCK YEAH DIDN’T FIND SHIT.

So long to Wesleying’s most successful Procrastination Destination this side of Cute Roulette. Memo to MTown mayoral candidates: good luck at the debate tonight. I’m voting for whichever one of you promises to bring back Fuck Yeah Nouns.

Anyway. In the meantime, I am seduced by this PronunciationManual YouTube Channel, featuring such popular stumpers as Bon Iver, ephemeral, and milk.

Some of the best pronunciation videos take an appropriately academic theme:

Socially Responsible Investment Coalition passes its resolution

As a follow up to an earlier event post, it bears to note that this evening, the WSA voted in the passage of the Endowment Transparency Resolution that was submitted last week by the Socially Responsible Investment Coalition (SRIC). (For anyone keeping scores, it was near unanimous with 3 abstentions.)

Do you know what this even means? Or what’s the SRIC in the first place? Or who’s that hot guy with the bushy bush hair on the left?

Well, neither do we.

But tune in sometime next week (or maybe later, maybe sooner, depending if I can get my class shit done in time) for HISTORY TIME WITH YO MAIN BROSKI, FROSTEDMOOSE, in which we attempt to figure out what this hubbub is all about. If our budget allows, we may even have guest appearances by Bill Nye the Science Guy ’16 and Big Bird P’05 (not to be confused with AJ “Big Bird” Hinds ’12).

As a side note, the WSA should really make their open meetings more Michael Bay. Arya Hat-Guy ’13, though interesting, is no Shia LaBeef.

Something About College Rankings or Something

Blah blah blah college rankings 2012 blah blah blah US News and World Report blah blah ranked number twelve (same slot as last year) on National Liberal Arts College Rankings blah blah CollegeConfidential freakin’ the fuck out blah blah we’re tied with Washington & Lee blah Wesleyan retained its spot even though admission rate for class of ’15 edged up a bit. Humph humph humph we beat Vassar GO WES!

Do these silly rankings have any use at all? Well, yeah: click into the “Rankings Data” view, cast a critical eye, and go nuts. Check out our 2012 tuition figure (on second thought, don’t), our total enrollment (far larger than most of the list, but hey, we’re a university), and fall 2010 acceptance rate (21%: more selective than Vassar or Hamilton, less still than Bowdoin or Middlebury). Our freshman retention rate (96%) remains a point below most of our deepest rivals, but our six-year graduation rate (94%) puts us up near the top. 

Wes Is Da Horniest

There is nothing even vaguely meaningful being conveyed in this post, but I’m sick of hearing about Irene, too. Happy travels, incoming frosh.

If you bother putting stock in any silly college rankings, then you may as well put stock in all college rankings—and why not pay attention to this college ranking?

The Daily Beast has taken the liberty of ranking the 25 horniest college nationwide. Miracle of all miracles, Wes has taken the lead spot, one slot ahead of our neighbor Yalies.

Male-female ratio grade: A+
Girls: A+
Guys: A+
Campus strictness: A+

Is it the long-rumored but rarely experienced naked parties (which had little to do with sex, even when Art House was flourishing)? The New York Times’ mythical naked dorm? Our porn-drenched curriculum? I dunno. Maybe we really are that much hornier than every other school in, um, the country.