“A lot of times, people don’t know what they want until you show it to them.” -Steve Jobs (1998)
In the YouTube debut of esteemed Wesleyan alums Russell Goldman ’17 and Johnny LaZebnik ’16, we are introduced to Cummies®: “the world’s first ever jizz-flavored vitamin chew”.
The testimonials in this parody infomercial leave you with some pleasant mental images as to the accurate flavor of Cummies®. Lines describing the flavor include, “An almost empty glass of white wine with a little bit of ranch dressing plopped in”, “Three day old oyster water”, and “Black truffle that’s washed up under the Santa Monica Pier”.
The infomercial ends with an offer for a bonus bottle of Facielle by Cummies®, a lotion, and then a shot of Brent (played by Johnny) being splattered with the lotion in a rather suggestive way. Describing how many takes this shot took, Johnny said, “By the end, I looked like I’d just shot a bukake scene with 50 well-hydrated men.”
While scrolling through Facebook recently, I came across this clip from a British TV show called The Secret Life of 4, 5, and 6 Year Olds. Essentially, the show follows some kids in their preschool. As the kids interact, hidden cameras are catching what they say. Then, a group of developmental psychologists tunes in to the footage, commenting on the significance of the kids’ actions.
I am hyped up, off-campus, riding on the coattails of Friday the 13th… yet, somehow, I find myself typing on Wesleying just to guide you in procrastinating both finals and packing to gtfo campus. To help you in your quest for distraction, I leave you with the following top three most popular Alternate Reality Youtube Series following one of the creepiest, most obsessively followed myths of the internet – Slenderman. (Couldn’t you tell by the title?)
I know this is a pretty big claim but throwback Bar Mitzvah-esque tunes might just be my favorite thing in all of cyberspace. For all of you who didn’t have the experience that is a Jewish coming of age ceremony, simply imagine a crowd of pre-pubescent tweens, shitfaced middle aged Jewish professionals, and your grandparents and all of their closest friends shaking their ~tuchus~ to these tunes. Sufficiently horrified?
Anyway, I’ve curated a selection I feel sums up the vibe. Admittedly, I’ve been listening to these while studying all semester and they’re awesome. So awesome, in fact, that my non-Jewish friends now all want to be Bar Mitzvah-ed. Such is the power of the Bar Mitzvah tune.
Let’s start with a classic: the Hora. Except that this Hora is re-imagined as all the worst parts of music production circa 2007 rolled into one. Warning: you will find yourself singing this one. I’ve caught at least three of my friends listening to this while they study.
Has the impending doom of finals got you down? If you answered no, give it a few hours. But if you answered yes, you have come to the right place. I am sure on this last day of reading period all of our brains are so fried we are unintentionally acting as a homing beacon for wild critters to nest in our hair. So, it is time to turn on the adorable baby animals videos.
We’re here for you, avoiding our own work so that you can procrastinate with us.
Welcome to Part One of Procrastination Destination: Spring ’15 edition! In less than three hours, reading period will end, and we’re basically all screwed. But, if you need something to tide yourself over before the Primal Scream tonight, we’ve got you covered.
YouTube videos about Wesleyan extend to more than just “Party on Fountain” and “How To Do The Michael Roth.” Click through for six more weird/terrible YouTube videos by Wesleyan kids/admins of the past and present.
Why are you doing this to yourself? Wouldn’t you much rather be watching funny cat videos or looking for summer dresses on Modcloth? Or maybe you want to check out these awesomely hilarious pronunciation guide youtube videos that will surely confuse any poor person trying to learn English (or French, in some cases). They are only 8 seconds long, so you don’t have to worry about wasting too much time away from your studying. Here are some of my favorites, but you can go see more at the youtube channel here.
Live from Middletown, CT, it’s a message from WeSNL:
Calling all actors, writers, and videomakers!
WeSNL is a brand new video sketch comedy group seeking to bring Wesleyan’s wit and humor to the interwebs! We produce weekly sketches, both on Wesleyan related issues and about funny things at large, and will also have a monthly “Weekend Update” section where we recap the past month’s most ridiculous news stories.
Shot in a cramped bedroom in black and white, the video at first appears as an amateur home video. But soon, it is made clear through the bands’ lyrics, especially those scrawled out on their T-shirts, that they are shooting on location at a girl’s house. This discovery is affirmed when the boys rush out of the room with all their equipment and the subject of the song walks in. Several times she approaches the camera as if she spotted it, yet she only grabs a few miscellaneous items from the surrounding area. The video certainly has the fun and candid feel conveyed by the song, which I’ve been listening to and singing since first hearing it.
And I’m not the only one’s excited about it. The video currently has 3,000+ views, 2,500 of which were obtained over the span of two days! What could be the cause of this? Oh, I don’t know, maybe the fact that Heems of Das Racist tweeted about it?!