Surprisingly scrumptious s(PI)ked spirits

Picture this: it’s Saturday night, you’re putting on your makeup and your cute little corset top (or not— maybe it’s a jersey and some ripped jeans)…and you’re staring at your High Noon because you know you have to drink it but also the mere smell of a High Noon brings back extremely cursed memories. You could go out to a bar, sure, but let’s be real: the fancy ones don’t take your fake IDs. But boy do I have an alternative for you, and it’s right next to your doorstep (unless you live on Pearl Street, in which case I extend my sincerest apologies): pi cafe. 

That’s right! Today I’ve got a list of brand-spanking-new PI cocktails for your viewing (and consuming) pleasure. So without further ado, here’s how to upgrade your Saturday night: 

1. Espresso Martini

Simply order one ounce (one shot of espresso) – the rest I fear you’ll have to do alone. See, google says to get Coffee Liqueur in the form of Kohlua’s and Barr Hill Vodka, but realistically we only have tito’s in our dorms. So make sure it isn’t peach-flavored (if it is, I beg you to re-evaluate your life choices) and splash it into that espresso! 

I forgot to mention the best part— contrary to what one might believe, pi does have individual espresso beans! They’re pretty protective over them though, so it might take a second of distracting baristas and snagging them from the espresso machine to top off your cocktail. I wish you the best of luck! 

2. Strawberry Daiquiri

Soooo technically, strawberry daiquiri requires real strawberries, actual quality rum, yadda yadda yadda. BUT, in the spirit of pi not using real strawberries for their smoothies, we shall not use one for ours! So, all you need to do is order a strawberry smoothie (please don’t get ice cream) and then add a splash of tequila. You can tell your friends you got the strawberries from co-op; don’t worry, I won’t tell. 

3. The Mario Kart 

Like the Fast Car Special Drink (an Arnold Palmer) but elevated— just order this and then ADD VODKA (google tells me this is called a John Daly, but we’re calling it a mario kart). Bam, refreshing, delicious— one might even say intoxicating!

4. Frozen Hot Chocolate

Okay, this one gets a tad complicated, so listen closely. Basically, you’re going to ask for a smoothie with ice cream— but, instead of a fruit, ask for two scoops of cocoa powder, plus a pump of vanilla (or, if you’re feeling frisky, maybe some mint)! Then, lo and behold, you got yourself a frozen grasshopper drink. Now, this is where the magic happens: take out that Bailey’s that I just know you’re hiding in a flask in your jacket pocket, pour some on top, and stir it up. All of a sudden you’re drinking spiked frozen hot chocolate. 

Warning: please proceed with caution, this one can get a ~bit~ carried away. 

So, good luck to all you going-out-ers—and remember, if you find one of these especially scrumptious, please tell the managers at pi. I’m relentlessly campaigning to get one of these on the blackboard, I think it’s completely appropriate and not at all illegal. Have fun sipping Mario Karters this weekend, folks! You deserve it.